Irradiance
by TokiDokiIchinose
Summary: Living in the small town Utashinai in the Hokkaido prefecture of Japan, Tokiya and his adoptive siblings - Syo, Ai, Haruka and Natsuki - enjoy their quiet lives as vampires. They've moved around so frequently that they're glad to enjoy this small peace. Until Masato Hijirikawa moves into that very town. Little does he know of the damage he's going to cause Tokiya and his family.
1. First Sight

This is the time of day I wished I were able to sleep.

School.

Or was purgatory the right word? It almost felt like a punishment for all that I've done in my past. No matter how many times I've endured this, I couldn't seem to get used to it. It almost seemed to get worse over time.

In a way, I suppose it did count as sleeping - the hours in a day that dragged on and on unsure when it would end. Only difference is that I'm forced to endure every moment of it while everyone else would easily forget. True torture.

I didn't mind this school as much as all the others, what with everyone's careers centered around music. I didn't mind so much. I usually hummed when I was bored or played the piano at our house when I had nothing to do. I spent most of time learning how to play it since I had so much down time. I think Ringo took that into consideration when he was deciding where we should go next. He doted on me too much.

I traced patterns into the cracks running through the wall in the corner of the cafeteria regardless of whether or not they were there. It helped fade all the thoughts of every student and faculty nearby into the background, blending them in with each other.

I spent most of my time ignoring all the "voices" as best as I could.

None of them were very different. They all fell into the same pattern. Today wasn't an exception. The small town of Utashinai in the Hokkaido prefecture of Japan hardly had anyone new show up, and whenever someone did, then well... this happened. The boy wasn't different in comparison to everyone else here, but of course, everyone was obsessed with him. I had seen him in the mind of everyone who he walked by. It was a very easy decision as to whether or not I should ignore them. I obviously chose to do so without a second thought.

I spent the most effort forward to block out the "voices" of my family: my three brothers and one sister. They hardly cared anymore because of how used to me intruding on their thoughts they were. I still did what I could to let them be.

Try as I may, still... I knew.

Ai was thinking, as usual, about himself. He caught sight of the reflection of himself off someone's glasses and was now calculating what they probably thought of him. Cold, calculating, and nothing new.

Syo, however, was furious over a wrestling match he lost to Natsuki last night. The rematch he was looking for lined his every thoughts. I never felt too guilty reading his mind because everything he thought, he said aloud. He made me realize that the only realize I felt guilty reading everyone else's thoughts was because they usually included things they didn't want me to know. It was the reason I tried so hard to ignore their internal voices.

And Natsuki was... suffering. I suppressed a sigh.

 _Tokiya._ Haruka called my name in her head, and had my attention at once.

It was just the same as having my name calld aloud. I was grateful that not many had my name anymore, since it was considered old-fashioned. Whenever someone said my name in their head meaning someone else, I would always turn in their direction. It had become an instinct of mine that I realized I had to grow out of quickly.

I made no expression that showed I heard her, but she knew without needing an indication. We've become very good at upholding these private conversations between us. I kept my gaze on the wall.

 _How is he holding up?_ she asked me.

The corners of my lips were set down in a frown, unrecognizable to anyone but her.

She was asking about Natsuki, of course. _Is there any danger?_ She searched ahead in the immediate future, skimming through visions of monotony for the source behind my frown. That was her gift. We were one of the few in our family who possessed them. She could see into the future, but not very far. Usually only moments ahead of any possible events she tried to look for. Unlike mine where it was constant, hers came in bursts. Only once and very suddenly sometimes.

I glanced to the window lining the wall to the left then brought my gaze back to the spot I was looking at. It was my way of saying no, and Haruka was the only one who knew it.

Haruka immediately relaxed into the plastic chair she was sitting in. _Let me know if it gets too bad._

I moved only my eyes again quickly to the ceiling then back to the spot in the wall I've been staring at since sitting down.

 _Thanks for doing this._

This was what I liked about our private conversations. I couldn't say anything out loud without having telling the others. I didn't know how to respond to her praise. Was I supposed to enjoy listening in on Natsuki's struggles?

I never understood why we didn't just let him be, why he couldn't just stay at home. Forcing him to endure his thirst like we did was too much for him, and it clearly wasn't working. The last time we hunted was two weeks ago, which isn't usually long. It was difficult on Natsuki because he hadn't adapted as easily to our diet like we had. Every human that came too close to him, make every line of his body tense.

It was like playing with fire. Too dangerous. _Far_ too dangerous.

As if on cue, a girl stopped to talk to one of her friends at the table closest to ours. Without realizing what she was doing, she tossed her hair over her shoulder. The heaters keeping the cafeteria warm blew her scent in the direction of our table.

We were used to the familiar burn in our throats, the need and dry ache the scent brought with it.

It was harder for me now, since I was watching Natsuki's thoughts closely. Instead of just one thirst, I was handling two.

Natsuki was letting his imagination get the best of him. He was picturing just how he'd do it. Casually getting up from his seat, he would brush up behind her. Leaning down, he would close the distance between them - letting his lips touch the arch of her throat. imagining how the hot flow of her pulse beneath the fine skin under his mouth...

I kicked his chair.

He met my gaze for a minute, and then he looked down. I could hear the shame and rebellion war in his head.

"Sorry," Natsuki muttered.

I shrugged.

"You weren't going to do anything," Haruka murmured to him, soothing his chagrin. "I could see that."

I fought the sneer my lips wanted to curl into at her blatant lie.

I sighed again that day as Haruka spent her time trying to cool him down. I don't know why she tried if she knew it wasn't going to help him. He would have to hunt tonight, that was for sure.

Eventually, Haruka gave up and took her tray - a mere prop in our case - with her as she got up to leave. Haruka and Natsuki were different. While Ai and Syo were very open with their relationship, Haruka and Natsuki knew everything about the other as if they were an extension of themselves.

 _Tokiya Ichinose._

Reflex reaction. I turned to the sound of my name being called, though it wasn't being called. Someone had thought of my name.

My eyes locked onto blue eyes for just a second. Those blue eyes were set in a sharp face, hair of the same color cut neatly and straight. I knew the face as soon as I saw it. It was the very face that was present in everyone's thoughts. Masato Hijirikawa, or Masa according to Otoya and a few others. He was annoyed at the nickname that had seemed to spread around to everyone. He's the son of Mr. Hijirikawa, known by everyone as the leader of the Hijirikawa Conglomerate. According to what he's told everyone, he's living with his mother here in Utashinai because of some new custody situation.

I looked away, bored. It took me a second to realize he wasn't the one who had thought my name.

 _Of course he's already falling for the them,_ I heard the first thought continue.

Now I recognized the "voice." Saki Nakamura - it had been a while since she'd bothered me with her internal chatter.

 _Fat lot of good it will do him,_ Saki went on. _He's really not even that handsome. I don't know why everyone is staring so much... especially Otoya._

She winced mentally at the last name. Otoya was her new obsession, and she couldn't leave him alone. Just like everyone else in this private academy, Otoya was fascinated by the newcomer. As expected.

Her inner monologue only turned more self-centered the more I listened in. She eventually started to introduce us to the new student, giving him the same basic information everyone else knew. Nothing interesting.

"Saki Nakamura is giving the new Hijirikawa boy all the dirty laundry on us," I murmured to Syo as a distraction.

He chuckled under his breath. _I hope she's making it good,_ he thought.

"Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of a scandal. Not an ounce of horror. I'm a little disappointed."

 _And the new boy? Is he disappointed in the gossip as well?_

I listened to hear what this newcomer, Masato, thought of Saki's story. What did he see when he looked at the strange, chalk-skinned family that was universally avoided?

Over the years, it had become my responsibility to know exactly that. It rarely happened that someone guessed what we were right. Usually the guesses were far off, but we vanished before their theories could be tested. It was safer that way.

I heard nothing, though as I listened close beside where Saki's frivolous monologue continued to gush. It was as if there was no one sitting beside her. How peculiar. Had he moved? That didn't seem likely considering that Saki was still blabbing to him. I looked up to check, feeling off-balance. Checking on what my extra "hearing" could tell me-it wasn't something I ever had to do.

Again, my gaze locked onto those wide blue eyes. He was still sitting in the exact same seat. He hadn't moved a fraction, which was troubling since there was only complete silence.

There was nothing.

A crimson red stained his cheeks before he quickly turned his head away. It was odd. No matter how hard I tried, there was nothing that could break the shield that seemed to sit in place around him.

"Which one is the boy with the navy hair?" I heard him ask, sneaking a glance at me from the corner of his eye, only to look away when he caught me still staring at him.

Thinking that hearing his voice would help, I tried to pry at his mind again only to be severely disappointed. The silence surrounding him was deafening. The shy tone he spoke with wasn't present anywhere in the vast hum of thoughts bouncing around the cafeteria.

 _Oh, good luck, idiot!_ Saki thought before answering his question. She was starting to get on my nerves. "That's Tokiya. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently no one here is good-looking enough for him." She sniffed.

I turned my head away to hide my smile. She had no idea how lucky she was that none of them particularly appealed to me.

I decided to spend my time examining him over frustrated myself with his silence. He looked more fragile than anyone I've ever met. In fact, it was so translucent that it was hard to believe it offered him much defense from the outside world. I could see the rhythmic pulse of blood through his veins under the clear, pale membrane... But I shouldn't concentrate on that. I was good at the life we were living. There was no point in inviting temptation.

"Shall we?" Ai murmured, interrupting my focus.

I looked away from him with a sense of relief. It irritated me that my gift was useless on her. I didn't want to gain interest in his hidden thoughts, either. No doubt, when I did decipher his thoughts - and I _would_ find a way to do so - they would be just as petty and trivial as every other human's thoughts.

"So is the new one afraid of us yet?" Syo asked, still waiting for a response to his question from before.

I shrugged. He wasn't interested enough to press for more information. Nor should I be interested.

We got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria.

Syo, Ai, and Natsuki were pretending to be in their final year at Saotome Academy; they left for their classes. I was playing a younger role than they. I headed off for my junior level music theory class, preparing my mind for the tedium. I would be surprised if Mr. Sakamoto could manage to teach anything new to someone who studied music for eighty odd years.

In the classroom, I settled into my chair and let me books - props as well; I knew all the material in them anyway - spill across the table. I was the only student to have a table to himself. The humans weren't smart enough to _know_ that they feared me, but their survival instincts were enough to keep them away.

Everyone began to file in as lunch ended, the tables slowly filling up with students. Again, I wished I was able to sleep.

Then he walked in. I hadn't noticed it because of his irritatingly silent mind. What had brought his attention to me was Otoya's chants in his thoughts. He was beyond elated to have the new boy in our class, although I couldn't find it in myself to care as much as him.

He came closer, walking down the aisle beside me to get to the teacher's desk. Poor boy; the seat next to me was the only one available. Out of courtesy, I moved all my books over to give him space. He was in for a long semester - there was no way he'd be comfortable for very long. Perhaps, though, sitting beside him, I'd be able to flush out his secrets...

Masato Hijirikawa walked into the flow of the heated air that blew toward me from the vent.

His scent hit me like a wrecking ball, like a battering ram. There was no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment.

In that instance, I was nothing close to the human I pretended to be; more of the monster I'd built years of endurance pushing down inside me.

I was a predator. He was my prey. There was nothing in the whole world but that truth.

My thoughts had already taken a turn for the worst. I had already started to imagine many different scenarios with many different endings. All of them ended with everyone dead.

I was a vampire, and he had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in eighty years.

I hadn't known such a scent could exist. If I'd known it did, I would have gone searching for it long ago. I could imagine the taste on my lips...

Thirst burned through my throat like fire. The two weeks without hunting seemed like years ago as the fire ripped through my throat. My stomach twisted with the hunger.

A full second hadn't passed yet. He was still taking the same step that had put him downwind from me. As his foot touched the ground, his eyes slid toward me, a movement he clearly meant to be stealthy. His glance met mine, and I saw myself reflected in the wide mirror that was his eyes.

The shock of the face I saw there saved his life for a few thorny moments.

Not that he was going to make this any easier for me. A flush crept up to his cheeks at the eye contact, turning his skin the most delicious color I'd ever seen. My mind was surrounded in a haze his scent brought on, making it _incredibly_ difficult to think properly.

As if understanding his predicament, he hurried to the seat beside me, tripping over his own feet in the process. He was weaker than most. Vulnerable.

The scent swirled around me again, almost sending me flying out of my seat.

No.

My fingers gripped the edge of the table as I tried to keep myself planted in my seat. Although the wood wasn't strong enough to stop me, shattering into splinters in my hand. So as not to leave evidence behind, I quickly destroyed the marks my fingers carved into the wood.

I knew what had to happen now. He would have to sit next to me, and I would have to kill him. There were eighteen other kids including one teacher that _absolutely_ couldn't leave here alive if I was going to go through with it. I flinched at the thought.

I was becoming exactly what I'd been trying to suppress. All the years I tried to become someone else would disappear in this one second.

The face of the monster mocked me.

Plans circulated through my head. If I killed him first, then I had to cut off the screams of everyone else. It would take a few seconds, but it was doable. My other option was the other way round. I could kill them all first, leaving him last. One scream wouldn't attract the attention of anyone else. That might be the easier way out.

Before I could think any harder on the matter at hand, someone slammed a book in my direction. It sent a small gust of fresh air in my direction, and I was grateful that I was able to think again.

I didn't want to become the man I was before; slaughtering all evil-doers and convincing myself it was just. All the plans I had just thought over would be anything but, yet so tempting.

I saw two faces before me. One; the monster who convinced himself that what he was doing was right - the cold-blooded killer; and the second; Ryuya's.

There was no semblance between them, not that there was a reason for it to be there in the first place. Hyuga acted as the father figure in our family. The difference that stuck out the most between the two was the eyes, but that was a reflection of mutual choice. The face of the monster held eyes the color of rubies, glistening wickedly. Meanwhile, Hyuga's were a bright blue in comparison. Choices. That's what it led to. I was not going to give in to the image before me.

Masato would not end my somewhat peaceful life like this. I wouldn't let him.

I leaned away from him in revulsion as he sat down next to me, his scent hovering around me heavily. I turned away from him, hatred taking over every being in my body. It was unreasonable, yes, but his very existence threw everything I worked so hard for away like it was nothing. I was being tested.

He had a very good habit of making things worse, I noted. As I resolved myself to ignoring him the rest of the godforsaken hour this class lasted, he shook his blue locks out of his eyes and in my direction.

As soon as it happened, I cut all the air from my lungs. If I was going to endure this and make it out of the room without killing anyone, then I wouldn't breathe. The relief was instantaneous but not much better.

He kept his hair between us, posture stiff but held his head low. Everything about him was beginning to annoy me. I traced my mind back to being unable to hear his thoughts. It was a distraction from the image of sinking my teeth through that fine, thing, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing- no. I couldn't hear his thoughts.

Even in a moment like this, there was nothing but silence.

An hour felt like forever.

I could get to him after class. I could introduce myself before offering to walk him to his next class, instead leading him away from the prying eyes of everyone else. the only difficulty was that Otoya seemed to be keeping his eyes trained on him. He would be looking for Masato later on, would discover that he was missing.

It wasn't even just him. The whole school knew of him, the prodigal piano player from Kyoto that was granted a full scholarship to train here among everyone hoping to become the best of the best.

The monster smiled at what I was considering, at the effort I was going through to come up with a plan. Only I was merely using it as a distraction. I didn't dare to keep the explicit images in my head. Instead, I stuck to an outline of what I could do. As long as I didn't imagine the act itself, it was alright.

He glanced at me one last time, the fright in his eyes very clear. His cheeks turned that brilliant shade of red, and I almost lost myself again.

It was when the bell finally rang, that I darted from the room. I didn't dare look back at the man who had nearly destroyed me.

I ran for my car.

It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I had to. I couldn't think clearly until I made it into the cabin, the fresh air closed doors brought was relieving. I couldn't stand to be near any humans as of right now. I would make a dumber decision than the ones I've made so far.

I could hear the rain patter on the roof of my car. It was a sound I decided to focus on. That and the classical music I'd put on a few moments ago. Unfortunately, it did nothing to rid of the scent lingering in my mind.

I didn't have to kill him. I didn't have to give in to the monster inside me. Most importantly, I didn't want to disappoint Ryuya. If I chose to give in, I would've hurt Ringo as well. He would be stressed, worried... pained. Ringo was so gentle, and yet so tough when he needed to be. It would be inexcusable to hurt someone like that.

Where was Haruka, I wondered? She should've seen me killing the Hijirikawa son in a million different ways. I was surprised she didn't come help, or at least help destroy all the evidence. Was she so absorbed with watching over Natsuki that she had missed it? Maybe I was stronger than I thought I was. Maybe I wouldn't have killed him.

That couldn't be true. Haruka must be concentrating on Natsuki very hard.

I searched in the direction I knew she would be in, in the small building used for the practice rooms where singing and piano lessons took place. It didn't take me long to locate her "voice" and prove that she was, in fact, worrying about Natsuki.

She had no idea what I almost did within the last hour. I was even more ashamed of myself, knowing that no one knew what had almost transpired. I would hide that from them. There was no way I could tell them.

I could just avoid him. That way, no one is hurt, and I don't have to suffer. The monster within me writhed and gnashed his teeth in frustration, but I didn't mind because this is what I had chosen.

With the last hour of school almost over, I decided to put my plan into action.

I walked swiftly - a little too swiftly, but there were no witnesses - across the tiny campus to the office. There was no reason for me and him to cross paths again. He would be avoided like the plague he was.

The office was empty except for the secretary, the one I wanted to see. She didn't notice my silent entrance.

"Mrs. Ito?"

The woman with long brown hair looked up and her eyes widened. It always caught them off guard, the little markers they didn't understand, no matter how many times they'd seen one of us before.

"Oh," she gasped, a little flustered. She smoothed out the wrinkles on her shirt as best she could. How frivolous, but I needed that right now. _Silly,_ she thought to herself. _He's almost young enough to be my son. Too young to think of that way..._ "Hello, Tokiya. What can I do for you?" Her eyelashes fluttered behind her thick frames.

It was annoying that I even had to do this, but _he_ forced me to. It was a decision I absolutely had to go through with.

I leaned forward, meeting her gaze into her depthless, small brown eyes. It was as if I was comparing them to the newcomer's own ocean-deep blue eyes. How frustrating it was that he was still lining my thoughts, especially at this time.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule," I said in the soft voice I reserved for not scaring humans.

I heard the sound of her heart rate pick up speed due to my actions.

"Of course, Tokiya. How can I help?" _Too young, too young,_ she chanted to herself. If only she knew how very wrong she was. I was older than her grandfather. According to my license and other documents, she was right, though.

"I was wondering if I could move from my music theory class to a higher level. AP Music Theory, perhaps?"

"Is there a problem with Mr. Tanaka?"

"Not at all, it's just that I've already studied the material..."

"In the accelerated school you all went to in Europe, right." She seemed to debate my request hard. _They should all be famous musicians already. Perfect records, never a hesitation with a response, hitting all the right notes. I've heard the teachers complain about them. It's like they've found a way to cheat in every lesson they're taking. Mr. Suzuki would rather believe that over anyone being more talented than him... I'll bet their parents teach them everything they know..._ "Actually, Tokiya, AP Music Theory is pretty much full right now. Mr. Suzuki hates to have more than fifteen students in a class-"

"I wouldn't be any trouble."

 _Of course not. Not the perfect Tokiya Ichinose._ "I know that, Tokiya. There just aren't enough seats as it is..."

"Could I drop the class, then? I could use the period for private lessons." I needed to get out of that class.

"Drop music theory?" Her mouth fell open in surprise. Her reaction made sense, considering that music theory was a basic course here that everyone had to take. _That's crazy. How hard is it to sit through a class you already understand? There must be a problem with Mr. Tanaka. I wonder if I should talk to Haruto about it..._ "You won't have enough credits to leave the school in a year."

"I'll catch up next year."

"Maybe you should talk to your parents about that."

The door opened behind me, but whoever it was did not think of me, so I ignored the arrival and concentrated on my job at hand. I leaned in closer to Mrs. Ito, holding my eyes open just a little wider. This would work better if my eyes were the deep blue they became after hunting for the first week. The lack of color in my foggy, paler blue eyes usually scared people.

"Please, Mrs. Ito?" I made my voice as smooth and compelling as it could be - and it could be considerably compelling as I've heard in the thoughts of many. It was a trick to lure our prey in. "Isn't there some other section I could switch into? I'm sure there has to be an open slot somewhere? Sixth hour music theory can't be the only option..."

I smiled at her, careful not to flash my teeth so widely that it would scare her, letting the expression soften my features.

Her heart was now hammering in her chest. _Too young,_ she reminded herself frantically. "Well, maybe I could talk to Haruto- I mean Mr. Tanaka. I could see if-"

A second was all it took to change everything: the atmosphere in the room, my mission here, the reason I leaned towards the secretary... What had been for one purpose before quickly became another.

A second was all it took for a student to open the door and place a signed tardy slip in the basket by the door, and hurry out again, in a rush to be away from school. A second was all it took for me to realize why the first person who entered didn't disturb me with his thoughts.

I turned even though I knew it was futile. I turned slowly, fighting to control the muscles that rebelled against me.

Masato Hijirikawa stood with his back pressed to the wall beside the door, a piece of paper clutched in his hands. His eyes were even wider than usual as he took in my ferocious, inhuman glare.

The smell of his blood saturated every particle of air in the tiny, hot room. My throat burst into flames.

The monster glared back at me from the mirror of his eyes again, the same face I had seen earlier.

My hand hesitated in the air above the counter. I would not have to look back in order to reach across it and slam Mrs. Ito's head into her desk with enough force to kill her. Two lives, rather than twenty. A trade.

The monster inside me, waited on bated breaths as I planned out the newest damage.

But I refused to give him. There was always another option.

I cut off the air to my lungs like I had earlier, and fixated Ryuya's face in front of my eyes. It was an image that helped prevent me from doing what the monster wanted. I turned back to Mrs. Ito and heard her internal surprise at the change in my expression. She shrank away from me, but fear did not form into coherent words.

Despite what had just happened, I kept my voice even and smooth, rushing through my words regardless.

"Nevermind then. I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."

I spun on my heels and launched myself from the room, trying not to feel the warm-blooded heat of the boy's body as I passed within inches of it.

I didn't slow my pace down until I was back in my car, moving too fast the entire way there. Most of the humans had cleared from the school's grounds, less witnesses. The only one who noticed quickly dismissed any thoughts he had.

When I slid into my silver-blue Chrysler Pacifica, the others were already there. I tried to control my breathing, but I was gasping for the fresh air like I'd been suffocating.

"Tokiya?" Haruka asked, alarm in her voice.

I shook my head, refusing to answer right now when the thoughts were still present.

"What the hell happened to you?" Syo demanded, distracted, for the moment, from the fact that Natsuki wasn't in the mood for a rematch.

Instead of answering, I threw the car in reverse. I had to get out of the lot before Masato Hijirikawa could follow me here, too. My own personal demon, haunting me... I swung the car around and accelerated. I hit forty before I was even on the road. Once I did get on the road, I hit seventy instantly.

Without looking back, I knew that Syo, Ai, and Natsuki had all turned to stare at Haruka, who shrugged. She couldn't see what had happened already, only what was coming.

She looked ahead for me now, what my future held. We both processed what she saw and were both surprised.

"You're leaving?" she whispered.

The others stared at me now.

"Am I?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

She saw it then, as my resolve wavered and another choice was made, my future reeling in her mind to a darker place.

"Oh."

Masato Hijirikawa, dead. My eyes, glowing crimson with the fresh blood. The search that would follow. The careful time we would wait before it was safe for us to pull out and start over again...

"Oh," she said again. The picture grew more specific. I saw him standing in the kitchen of the house he shared with his mother. I was stalking in the shadows from behind the house... letting the scent pull me towards her...

"Stop!" I groaned, not able to bear the image much longer.

"Sorry," she whispered, her eyes wide.

The monster within me rejoiced.

And the vision in her head twisted again. An empty highway at night, the trees beside it coated in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.

"I'll miss you," she said. "No matter how short a time you're gone."

Syo and Ai exchanged an apprehensive glance.

We were almost at the turn off onto the long drive that led up to our house.

"Drop us off here," Haruka instructed. "You should tell Ryuya yourself."

I nodded, and the car squealed to a sudden stop.

Syo, Ai and Natsuki got out of the car in silence. I knew they were going to make Haruka explain what happened as soon as I left them.

"You will do the right thing," she murmured. Not a vision this time - an order. "He's Mrs. Hijirikawa's only family. It would kill her, too."

"Yes," I said, agreeing with the last part.

She soon slid out as well, joining the others with her eyebrows pulled in anxiety. They melted into the woods, out of sight before I could turn the car around.

I accelerated back toward town, and I knew the visions in Haruka's head would be flashing from dark to bright like a strobe light. As I sped back to Utashinai doing ninety, I wasn't sure where I was going. To say goodbye to my parents? Or to embrace the monster inside me? The road flew away beneath my tires.


	2. Open Book

I leaned back into the soft grass, letting the blades scratch against the back of my knees and face. The cool night air breezed around me, and I drank it in.

The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe - an awesome night. Exquisitely beautiful. Or rather, it should have been exquisite. Would have been, if I'd been able to really see it.

It wasn't getting any better. Six days had passed, six days I'd hidden in the empty Rikubetsu wilderness, but I was no closer to freedom than I had been since the first moment that I'd caught his scent.

When I stared up at the jeweled sky, it was as if there was an obstruction between my eyes and their beauty. The obstruction was a face, just an unremarkable human face, but I couldn't quite seem to banish it from my mind.

I heard the approaching thoughts before I heard the footsteps that accompanied them. The sound of movement was only a faint whisper against the grass.

I was not surprised that Tomochika had followed me here. I knew she'd been mulling over this coming conversation for the last few days, putting it off until she was sure of exactly what she wanted to say.

She sprang into sight about sixty yards away, leaping onto the tip of an outcropping of black rock and balancing there on the balls of her bare feet.

Tomochika's hair was like fire in the starlight, and her long red curls shone brightly against the moon's pale glow. Eyes the color combination of purple and pink were just as bright, twinkling with mischief as I watched her. Her lips were pulled back into a smile.

Exquisite. _If_ I'd really been able to see her. I sighed. Why was this not getting any easier?

She crouched down on the point of the stone, her polished fingertips touching the rock, her body coiled.

 _Cannonball,_ she thought.

She launched herself into the air; her shape became a dark, twisting shadow as she spun gracefully between me and the stars. She curled herself into a ball just as she struck the puddle of water beside me.

As if it was raining, the drops of water flew around me. The stars danced between the drops as they held suspended in the air for just one second. Soon, the drops as well as most of the puddle landed on me.

I sighed again. I could've avoided the attack if I really wanted to, but I didn't have the energy to do so. The water that ended up in my eyes did nothing to dispel the face in front of me.

"Tokiya?"

More of the puddle was in the air once more as Tomochika swiftly disinterred me. She brushed the water out of my hair as I sat unmoving on the grass still, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Sorry," she murmured. "It was a joke."

"I know. It was very funny."

Her mouth twisted down.

"Reiji and Seira said I should leave you alone. They think I'm annoying you."

"Not at all," I assured her. "On the contrary, I'm the one who's being rude - abominably rude. I'm very sorry."

 _You're going home, aren't you?_ she thought.

"I haven't... entirely... decided that yet."

 _But you're not staying here._ Her thought was wistful now, sad.

"No. It doesn't seem to be... helping." I could still see his face wherever I looked.

She grimaced. "That's my fault, isn't it?"

"Of course not," I lied smoothly.

 _Don't be a gentleman._

I smiled.

 _I make you uncomfortable,_ she accused.

"No."

She raised an eyebrow, her expression so disbelieving that I had to laugh. One short laugh, followed by another sigh.

"All right," I admitted. "A little bit."

She sighed, too, and put her chin in her hands. Her thoughts were chagrined.

"You're a thousand times lovelier than the stars, Tomochika. Of course, you're already well aware of that. Don't let my stubbornness undermine your confidence." I chuckled at the unlikeliness of _that_.

"I'm not used to rejection," she grumbled, her lower lip pushing out into an attractive pout.

"Certainly not," I agreed, trying with little success to block out her thoughts as she fleetingly sifted through memories of her thousands of successful conquests. Mostly Tomochika preferred human men - they were much more populous for one thing, with the added advantage of being soft and warm. And always eager, definitely.

"Succubus," I teased, hoping to interrupt the images flickering in her head.

She grinned, flashing her teeth. "The original."

Unlike Ryuya, Tomochika and her siblings had discovered their consciences slowly. In the end, it was their fondness for the humans that turned the siblings against the slaughter. Now the men and women they loved... lived.

"When you showed up here," Tomochika said slowly. "I thought that..."

I'd known what she'd thought. And I should've guessed that she would have felt that way. But I hadn't been at my best for analytical thinking in that moment.

"You thought that I'd changed my mind."

"Yes." She scowled.

"I feel horrible for toying with you expectations, Tomochika. I didn't mean to- I wasn't thinking. It's just that I left in... quite a hurry."

"I don't suppose you'd tell me why...?"

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my legs, curling defensively. "I don't want to talk about it."

Tomochika, Seira and Reiji were very good at this life they'd committed to. Better, in some ways, than even Ryuya. Despite the insanely close proximity they allowed themselves with those who should be - and once were - their prey, they did not make mistakes. I was too ashamed to admit my weakness to Tomochika.

"Woman troubles?" She guessed, ignoring my reluctance.

I laughed a bleak laugh. "Not the way you mean it."

She was quiet then. I listened to her thoughts as she ran through different guesses, tried to decipher the meaning of my words.

"You're not even close," I told her.

"One hint?" she asked.

"Please let it go, Tomochika."

She was quiet again, still speculating. I ignored her, trying in vain to appreciate the stars.

She gave up after a silent moment, and her thoughts pursued a new direction.

 _Where will you go, Tokiya, if you leave? Back to Ryuya?_

"I don't think so," I whispered.

Where would I go? There wasn't any place that held any kind of interest to me. It all seemed so dull and boring. It didn't entirely matter where I went. Anywhere I went, it would only be like I'm running away, not running to.

I hated that. When had I become such a coward?

Tomochika huffed and threw an arm around my shoulders. I stiffened at the notion, but made no attempt to move. After all, she did only mean it as a friendly gesture. Mostly.

"I think that you _will_ go back," she said, her voice taking on just a hint of her long lost European accent. "No matter what it is... or who it is... that is haunting you. You'll face it head on. You're the type."

Her thoughts were as certain as her words. I tried to embrace the vision of myself that she carried in her head. The one who faced things head on. It was pleasant to think of myself that way again. I'd never doubted my courage, my ability to face difficulty, before that horrible hour in a music industry academy music theory class such a short time ago.

I kissed her cheek, pulling back swiftly when she twisted her face toward mine, her lips already puckered. She smiled ruefully at my quickness.

"Thank you, Tomochika. I needed to hear that."

Her thoughts turned petulant. "You're welcome, I guess. I wish you would be more reasonable about things, Tokiya."

"I'm sorry, Tomochika. You know you're too good for me. I just... haven't found what I'm looking for yet."

"Well, if you leave before I see you again... goodbye, Tokiya."

"Goodbye, Tomochika." As I said the words, I could see it. I could see myself leaving. Being strong enough to go back to the one place where I wanted to be. I felt the little bit of relief wash over me. "Thanks again."

She was on her feet in one nimble move, and then she was running away, ghosting along the dewy grass so quickly that the blades hardly moved. She didn't look back as she left her spot beside me. My rejection bothered her more than she'd let on before, even in her thoughts. She wouldn't want to see me again before I left.

My mouth twisted with chagrin. I didn't like hurting Tomochika, though her feelings were not deep, hardly pure, and, in any case, not something I could return. It still made me feel less than a gentleman.

I put my chin on my knees and stared up at the stars again, though I was suddenly anxious to be on my way. I knew that Haruka would see me coming home, that she would tell all the others. This would make them happy - Ryuya and Ringo especially. But I gazed at the stars for one more moment, trying to see past the face in my head. Between me and the brilliant lights in the sky, a pair of bewildered ocean-blue eyes mirroring mine stared back at me, seeming to ask what this decision would mean for _him_. Of course, I couldn't be sure if that was really the information his curious eyes sought. Even in my imagination, I couldn't hear his thoughts. Masato Hijirikawa's eyes continued to question, and an unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me. With a heavy sigh, I gave up, and got to my feet. If I ran, I would be back to Ryuya's car in less than an hour...

In a hurry to see my family - and wanting very much to be the Tokiya that faced things head on - I raced across the starlit wetland, no sound emanating from my steps.

.

. . .

.

"It's going to be okay," Haruka breathed. Her eyes were unfocused and Natsuki had one hand lightly under her elbow, guiding her forward as we walked into the elegant cafeteria the academy had in a close group. Syo and Ai led the way, Syo looking ridiculously like a bodyguard in the middle of hostile territory despite his height. It would've been funny if we weren't in this kind of situation. Even Ai looked wary, too, but much more irritated than protective.

"Of course it is," I grumbled. Their behavior was ludicrous. If I wasn't positive that I could handle this moment, I would've stayed home.

The sudden shift from our normal, even playful morning - it had snowed in the night, and Syo and Natsuki were not above taking advantage of my distraction to bombard me with slushballs; when they got bored with my lack of response, they'd turned on each other - to this overdone vigilance would have been comical if it weren't so irritating.

"He's not here yet, but the way he's going to come in... he won't be downwind if we sit in our regular spot."

" _Of course_ we'll sit in our regular spot. Stop it, Haruka. You're getting on my nerves. I'll be absolutely fine." I felt bad telling her off like that, but it really was annoying. All the fretting for no reason.

She blinked once as Natsuki helped her into her seat, and her eyes finally focusing on my face.

"Hmm," she said, sounding surprised. "I think you're right." She completely ignored every word I said.

" _Of course_ I am," I muttered.

I hated being the focus of their concern more than anything. I felt a sudden sympathy for Natsuki, remembering all the times we'd hovered protectively over him. He met my glance briefly, and grinned.

 _Annoying, isn't it?_

I grimaced at him. Yes, it was.

Was it just last week that this long, drab room had seemed so killingly dull to me? That it had seemed almost like sleep, like a coma, to be here?

Today my nerves were stretched tight - piano wires, tensed to sing at the lightest pressure. My senses were hyper-alert; I scanned every sound, every sight, every movement of the air that touched my skin, every thought. Especially the thoughts. There was only one sense that I kept locked down, refused to use. Smell, of course. I didn't breathe. Not a single breath passed by my lips.

I was expecting to hear more about us in the thoughts that I sifted through. All day I'd been waiting, searching for whichever new acquaintance Masato Hijirikawa might have confided in, trying to see the direction the new gossip would take. But there was nothing. No one noticed the five vampires in the cafeteria, just the same as before the new boy had come. Several of the humans here were still thinking of the newcomer, still thinking the same thoughts from last week. Instead of finding this unutterably boring, I was now fascinated.

Had he said nothing to anyone about me?

There was no way that he had not noticed my murderous glare. I had seen him react to it. Surely, I'd scare him silly. I had been convinced that he would have mentioned it to someone, maybe even exaggerated the story a bit to make it better. Give me a few menacing lines.

And then, he'd also heard me trying to get out of our shared music theory class. He must have wondered, after seeing my expression, whether he was the cause. A normal person would have asked around, compared his experience to others, looking for common ground that would explain my behavior so he didn't feel singled out. Humans were constantly desperate to fit in, to feel normal. To blend in with everyone else around them. He should be no exception to that.

Only, no one cared enough to look at us or even think of us. Me especially. That was odd. It was as if he'd told no one. He might have told his mother. I can imagine that they are close considering that he's her only family. Although, he did barely spend any of his life with her around, so maybe not. There was no way he was close to his father since the head of the Hijirikawa family was told to have quite the temper and is very strict. Anyone of his age wouldn't find that fun at all. That could very well be the reason why he left.

"Anything new?" Natsuki asked.

"Nothing. He... must not have said anything."

All of them raised an eyebrow at the news. I didn't blame them.

"Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are," Syo said, chuckling. "I bet I could have frightened him better than _that_."

I rolled my eyes at him. Syo swore he was the scariest of us all, but his height claimed otherwise. If anyone was going to make a bet, Ai would probably be voted on as the least approachable.

"Wonder why...?" He puzzled again over my revelation about the boy's unique silence.

"We've been over that. I don't _know_."

"He's coming in," Haruka murmured then. I felt my body go rigid. "Try to look human."

"Human, you say?" Syo asked.

He held up his right fist, twisting his fingers to reveal the snowball he'd saved in his palm. Of course it had not melted there. He'd squeezed it into a lumpy block of ice. He had his eyes on Natsuki, but I saw the direction of his thoughts. So did Haruka, of course. When he abruptly hurled the ice chunk at her, she flicked it away with a casual flutter of her fingers. The ice ricocheted across the length of the cafeteria, too fast to be visible to human eyes, and shattered with a sharp crack against the wood wall. The wood cracked, too, in that one spot.

The heads in the corner of the room all turned to stare at the pile of broken ice on the floor,and then swiveled to find the culprit. They didn't look further than a few tables away. No one looked at us.

"Very human, Syo," Ai said scathingly. "Why don't you punch through the wall while you're at it?"

"It would look more impressive if you did it." Syo muttered, smirking when Ai scowled in response.

I tried to pay attention to them, keeping a grin fixed on my face like I was part of their banter. I did not allow myself to look toward the line where I knew he was standing. But that was all I was listening to.

I could hear Saki's impatience with the new boy, who seemed to be distracted, too, standing motionless in the moving line. I saw, in Saki's thoughts, that Masato Hijirikawa's cheeks were once more colored bright pink with blood.

I pulled in short, shallow breaths, ready to quit breathing if any hint of his scent touched the air near me.

Otoya Ittoki was with the two others. I heard both his voices, mental and verbal, when he asked Saki what was wrong with the Hijirikawa boy. I didn't like the way his thoughts wrapped around him, not that he exactly knew what he was doing either. Otoya was the type to be completely oblivious to everything around him. I would've thought he'd look frailer than Masato Hijirikawa. I was wrong.

"Nothing." I heard Masato say in a quiet, clear voice. It seemed to ring like a bell over the babble in the cafeteria, but I knew that was just because I was listening for it so intently.

"I'll just get a soda today," he continued as he moved to catch up with the line.

I couldn't help flickering one glance in his direction. He was staring at the floor, the blood slowly fading from his face. I looked away quickly, to Syo, who laughed at the now pained-looking smile on my face.

 _You look sick, bro._

I rearranged my features so the expression would seem casual and effortless.

Saki was wondering aloud about the boy's lack of appetite. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Actually, I feel a little sick." His voice was lower, but still very clear.

Why did it bother me, the protective concern that suddenly emanated from Otoya Ittoki's thoughts? Why did it matter that there was a possessive edge to them? It wasn't my business if Otoya Ittoki felt unnecessarily anxious for him. Perhaps this was the way everyone responded to him. Hadn't I wanted, instinctively, to protect her, too? Before I'd wanted to kill him, that is...

But _was_ the boy ill?

It was hard to judge - he looked so delicate with his translucent skin... Then I realized that I was worrying, too, just like that dimwitted boy, and I forced myself not to think about his health.

Regardless, I didn't like monitoring him through Otoya's thoughts. I switched to Saki's, watching carefully as the three of them chose which table to sit at. Fortunately, they sat with Saki's usual companions, at one of the first tables in the room. Not downwind, just as Haruka had promised.

Haruka elbowed. _He's going to look soon, act human._

I clenched my teeth behind my grin.

"Ease up, Tokiya," Syo said. "Honestly. So you kill one human. That's hardly the end of the world."

"You would know," I murmured.

Syo laughed. "You've got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt."

Just then, Haruka tossed a smaller handful of ice that she'd been hiding into Syo's unsuspecting face.

He blinked, surprised, and then grinned in anticipation.

"You asked for it," he said as he leaned across the table and shook his ice-encrusted hair in her direction. The snow, melting in the warm room, flew out from his hair in a thick shower of half-liquid, half-ice.

"Ew!" Ai complained, as he and Haruka recoiled from the deluge.

Haruka laughed, and we all joined in. I could see in Haruka's head how she's orchestrated this perfect moment, and I knew that the boy - I should stop thinking of him that way, as if he were the only boy in the world - that _Masato_ would be watching us laugh and play, looking as happy and human and unrealistically ideal as a Norman Rockwell painting.

Haruka kept laughing, and held her tray up as a shield. The boy - Masato must still be staring at us.

 _...staring at them again,_ someone thought, catching my attention.

I looked automatically toward the unintentionally call, realizing as my eyes found their destination that I recognized the voice - I'd been listening to it so much today.

But my eyes slid right past Saki, and focused on the boy's penetrating gaze.

He looked down quickly, hiding behind his neatly cut hair again.

What was he thinking? The frustration seemed to be getting more acute as time went on, rather than dulling. I tried - uncertain in what I was doing for I'd never tried this before - to prob with my mind at the silence around him. My extra hearing had always come to me naturally, without asking; I'd never had to work at it. But I concentrated now, trying to break through whatever shield surrounded him.

Nothing but silence.

 _What is it about him?_ Saki thought, echoing my own frustration. If only I knew what it was.

"Tokiya Ichinose is staring at you," she whispered in the Hijirikawa boy's ear, adding a giggle. There was no hint of jealous irritation in her tone. Saki seemed to be skilled at feigning friendship.

I listened, too engrossed, to the boy's response.

"He doesn't look angry, does he?" he whispered back.

So he _had_ noticed my wild reaction last week. Of course he had.

The question seemed to confuse Saki. I saw my own face in her thoughts as she checked my expression, but I did not meet her glance. I was still concentrating on the boy, trying to hear _something._ Honestly anything at this point. My intent focus didn't seem to be helping at all.

"No," Saki told him, and I knew that she wished she could say yes - how it rankled inside her, my staring - thought there was no trace of that in her voice. "Should he be?"

"I don't think he likes me," the boy whispered back, laying his head down on his arm as if he was suddenly tired. I tried to understand the motion, but I could only make guesses. Maybe he _was_ tired.

"They don't like anyone," Saki reassured him. "Well, they don't notice anyone enough to like them." _They never used to. What is up with him?_ Her thoughts were a grumble of complaint. It was almost funny how hostile she seemed to be towards me now. She should be grateful none of us cared about her. "But he's still staring at you."

"Stop looking at him," the boy said anxiously, lifting his head from his arm to make sure Saki obeyed his order.

Saki giggled, but she did as she was asked.

The boy did not look away from his table for the rest of our lunch break. I thought - though, of course, I could not be sure - that this was deliberate. It seemed like he wanted to look at me. His body would shift slightly in my direction, his chin would begin to turn, and then he would catch himself, take a deep breath, and stare fixedly at whoever was speaking.

I ignored the other thoughts around him for the most part, as they were not, momentarily, about him. Otoya Ittoki was planning a snow fight in the parking lot after school, not seeming to realize that the snow had already shifted to rain. The flutter of soft flakes against the roof had become the more common patter of raindrops. Could he really not hear the change? It seemed loud to me.

When the lunch period ended, I stayed in my seat. The humans filed out, and I caught myself trying to distinguish the sound of his footsteps from the sound of the rest, as if there was something more important or unusual about them. How stupid.

My family made no move to leave, either. They waited to see what I would do.

Would I go to class, sit beside the boy where I could smell the absurdly potent scent of his blood and feel the warmth of his pulse in the air on my skin? Was I strong enough for that? Or had I had enough for one day?

"I... _think_ it's okay," Haruka said, hesitant. "Your mind is set. I _think_ you'll make it through the hour."

But Haruka knew well how quickly a mind could change.

"Why push it, Tokiya?" Natsuki asked. Though he didn't want to feel smug that I was the one who was weak now, I could hear that he did, just a little. "Go home. Take it slow."

"What's the big deal?" Syo disagreed. "Either he will or he won't kill him. Might as well get it over with, either way."

"I don't want to move yet," Ai complained. "I don't want to start over. We're almost out of high school, Syo. _Finally_."

I was evenly torn on the decision. I wanted, wanted badly, to face this head on rather than running away again. It was the reason I came back in the first place. But I didn't want to push myself too far, either. It had been a mistake last week for Natsuki to go so long without hunting; was this just as pointless a mistake?

I didn't want to uproot my family. None of them would thank me for that, especially Ai.

But I wanted to go to my biology class. I realized that I wanted to see his face again.

That's what decided it for me. That curiosity. I was angry with myself for feeling it. Hadn't I promised myself that I wouldn't let the silence of the boy's mind make me unduly interested in him? And yet, here I was, most unduly interested.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. His mind was closed, but his eyes were very open. Perhaps I could read them instead. It was something I wanted to try now that the thought had occurred to me.

"No, Ai, I think it really will okay," Haruka said. "It's... firming up. I'm ninety-three percent sure that nothing bad will happen if he goes to class." She looked at me inquisitively,wondering what had changed in my thoughts that made her vision of the future more secure.

Would the curiosity be enough to keep Masato Hijirikawa alive?

Syo was right, though - why not get it over with, either way? I would face the temptation head on.

"Go to class," I ordered, pushing away from the table. I turned and strode away from them without looking back. I could hear Haruka's worry, Natsuki's censure, Syo's approval, and Ai's irritation trailing after me.

I took one last deep breath at the door of the classroom, and then held it in my lungs as I walked into the small, warm space.

I was not late. Mr. Tanaka was still setting up for today's lab. The boy sat at my - at _our_ table, his face down again, staring at the folder he was doodling on. I examined the sketch as I approached, interested in even this trivial creation of his mind. I surprised when I got closer and noticed that he was in fact writing out a melody on the folder. Simple notes arranged beautifully to make it sound soft and quiet. I could hear the piano in my head as I examined the pattern, tracing it in my mind to remember for later. He didn't look like he was concentrating so hard on it, though, which was amazing in itself. Most weren't able to do that sort of thing. Another thing that made him more interesting than the rest. I wondered what he was thinking as he added more notes.

I pulled my chair back with unnecessary roughness, letting it scrape across the linoleum; humans always felt more comfortable when noise announced someone's approach.

I knew he heard the sound; he did not look up, but his hand drew a longer line than was necessary for the stem of a note.

Why didn't he look up? Probably he was frightened. I must be sure to leave him with a different impression this time. Make him think he'd been imagining things before.

"Hello," I said in the quiet voice I used when I wanted to make humans more comfortable, forming a polite smile with my lips that would not show my teeth.

He looked up then, his ocean eyes startled - almost bewildered - and full of silent questions. It was the same expression that had been obstructing my vision for the last week.

As I stared into those oddly deep blue eyes, I realized that the hate - the hate I'd imagined this boy somehow deserved for simply existing - had evaporated. Not breathing now, not tasting his scent, it was hard to believe that anyone so vulnerable could ever justify hatred.

His cheeks began to flush, and he said nothing.

I kept my eyes on his, focusing only on their questioning depths, and tried to ignore the appetizing color of his skin. I had enough breath to speak for a while longer without inhaling.

"My name is Tokiya Ichinose," I said, though I knew he knew that. It was the polite way to begin. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Masato Hijirikawa."

He seemed confused - there was that little pucker between his eyes again. It took him half a second longer than it should have for him to respond.

"How do you know my name?" he demanded, and his voice shook just a little.

I must have truly terrified him. This made me feel guilty; he was just so defenseless. I laughed gently - it was a sound that I knew made humans more at ease. Again, I was careful about my teeth.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name." Surely he must have realized he'd become the center of attention in this monotonous place. "The whole city's been waiting for you to arrive."

He frowned as if this information was unpleasant. I supposed, being as out of the spotlight as he was, attention would seem like a bad thing to him. Most humans felt the opposite. Though they didn't want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity. That was the whole point of this academy anyway. The spotlight.

"No," he said. "I meant, why did you call me Masato?"

"Do you prefer Masa?" I asked, perplexed by the fact that I couldn't see where this question was leading. I didn't understand. Surely, he'd made his preference clear many times that first day. Were all humans incomprehensible without the mental context as a guide?

"No, I like Masato," he answered, leaning his head slightly to one side. His expression - if I was reading it correctly - was torn between embarrassment and confusion. "But I think Misaki - I mean my mom - must call me Masa behind my back. That's what everyone here seems to know me as." His skin darkened one shade pinker.

"Oh," I said lamely, and quickly looked away from his face.

I'd just realized what his questions meant; I had slipped up - made an error. If I hadn't been eavesdropping on all the others that first day, then I would have addressed him initially by his nickname, just like everyone else. He'd noticed the difference.

I felt a pang of unease. It was very quick of him to pick up on my slip. Quite astute, especially for someone who was supposed to be terrified by my nearness.

But I had bigger problems than whatever suspicions about me he might be keeping locking inside his head.

I was out of air. If I were going to speak to him again, I would have to inhale.

It would be hard to avoid speaking. Unfortunately for him, sharing this table made him my lab partner, and we would have to work together today. It would seem odd - and incomprehensibly rude - for me to ignore him while we did the lab. It would make him more suspicious, more afraid...

I leaned as far away from him as I could without moving my seat, twisting my head out into the aisle. I braced myself, locking my muscles in place, and then sucked in one quick chest-full of air, breathing through my mouth alone.

It was genuinely painful.

Even without smelling him, I could taste him on my tongue. My throat was suddenly in flames again, the craving every bit as strong as that first moment I'd caught his scent last week.

I gritted my teeth together and tried to compose myself.

"Get started," Mr. Tanaka commanded.

It felt like it took every single ounce of self-control that I'd achieved in seventy years of hard work to turn back to the boy, who was staring down at the table, and smile.

"You can go first, partner," I offered.

He looked up at my expression and his face went blank, scrunching his eyebrows in... suspicion? It was either that or confusion. It was hard to tell. Whatever it was, he refused to speak.

"Or, I could start, if you wish," I added on quietly.

"No," he said, and his face went from white to red again. "I'll go first."

I stared at the equipment on the table, the battered headset and laptop, rather than watch the blood swirl under his clear skin. I took another quick breath, through my teeth, and winced as the taste made my throat ache.

"Accented neighboring tone from an F major seventh chord to a B minor seventh chord," he said after quickly examining the first question in front of us. He took the headphones off even though he hardly looked at it.

"Do you mind if I look?" Instinctively - stupidly, as if I were one of his kind - I reached out to take the headphones from him. For once second, the heat of his skin burned into mine. It was like an electric pulse - surely much hotter than a mere ninety-eight point six degrees. The heat shot through my hand and up my arm. He yanked his hand out from under mine.

"I'm sorry," I muttered through my clenched teeth. Needing somewhere to look, I pulled the laptop and headphones toward me and pressed play on number one. He was right.

"F major seventh chord to a B minor seventh chord," i agreed as I took the headphones off and placed them on the table.

I was still too unsettled to look at him. Breathing as quietly as I could through my gritted teeth and trying to ignore the fiery thirst, I concentrated on the simple assignment, writing the right words on the appropriate line on the sheet we were given, and then switching to the next question.

What was he thinking now? What had that felt like to him, when I had touched his hand? My skin must have been ice cold - repulsive. No wonder he was too quiet.

I settled the headphones back in place on my head and played the next question.

"Mixolydian," I said to myself as I wrote it on the second line.

"May I?" he asked.

I looked up at him, surprised to see that he was waiting expectantly, one hand half-stretched toward the laptop. He didn't _look_ afraid. Did he really think I'd gotten the answer wrong?

I couldn't help but smile at the hopeful look on his face as I slid the laptop and headphones toward him.

He put the headphones on and stared at the screen with an eagerness that quickly faded when he hit play. The corners on his mouth turned down.

"Onto the next one..." he stated, not looking up from the laptop as he went on to the next question.

Sitting beside him was like sitting next to a heat lamp. I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature.

He didn't look at the question very long. "Parallel fifths," he said nonchalantly - perhaps trying a little too hard to sound that way - and pushed the laptop in my direction. He didn't touch the paper, but waited for me to write the answer. I checked - he was correct again.

We finished this way, speaking few words at a time and never meeting each other's eyes. We were the only one's done - the others in the class were having a harder time with the work. Otoya Ittoki seemed to be having trouble concentrating - he was trying to watch Masato and me.

 _I wonder why he's suddenly talking to someone,_ Otoya thought, eyeing me oddly. Interesting. It didn't seem like he harbored any ill will towards me, but he did seem miffed that I was interacting with Masato. This was a new development, about as recent as the boy's arrival it seemed. Even more interesting, I found - to my surprise - that the feeling was mutual.

I looked down at the boy again, bemused by the wide range of havoc and upheaval that, despite his ordinary, unthreatening appearance, he was wreaking on my life.

it wasn't that I couldn't see what Otoya was going on about. He was actually rather attractive... in an unusual way. Better than being handsome, his face was _interesting._ Very symmetrical - save for the mole under his right eye on his cheekbone - the light and dark contrast of his skin and his hair; and then there were the eyes, brimming over with silent secrets...

Eyes that were suddenly boring into mine.

I stared back at him, trying to guess even one of those secrets.

"Did you get contacts?" he asked abruptly.

What a strange question. "No." I almost smiled at the idea of improving _my_ eyesight.

"Oh," he mumbled. "I thought there was something different about your eyes."

I felt suddenly colder again as I realized that I was apparently not the only one attempting to ferret out secrets today.

I shrugged, my shoulders stiff, and glared straight ahead to where the teacher was making his rounds.

Of course there was something different about my eyes since the last time he'd stared into them. To prepare myself for today's ordeal, today's temptation, I'd spent the entire weekend hunting, satiating my thirst as much as possible, overdoing it really. I'd glutted myself on the blood of animals, not that it made much difference in the face of the outrageous flavor floating on the air around him. When I'd glared at him last, my eyes had been a pale blue with thirst, almost white with their dulled color. Now, my body swimming with blood, my eyes were a deep color like blue kyanite.

Another slip. If I'd seen what he'd meant with his question, I could have told him yes.

I'd sat beside humans for two years now at this school, and he was the first to examine me closely enough to note the change in my eye color. The others, while admiring the beauty of my family, tended to look down quickly when we returned their stares. They shied away, blocking the details of our appearances in an instinctive endeavor to keep themselves from understanding. Ignorance was bliss to the human mind.

Why did it have to be this boy who would see too much?

Mr. Tanaka approached our table. I gratefully inhaled the gush of clean air he brought with him before it could mix with Masato's scent.

"So, Tokiya," he said, looking over our answers, "didn't you think Mr. Hijirikawa should get a chance with the laptop?"

"Masato," I corrected him reflexively. "Actually, he identified nine of the fifteen."

Mr. Tanaka's thoughts were skeptical as he turned to look at him. "Have you studied this material before?"

I watched, engrossed, as he smiled, looking slightly embarrassed.

"With a wider range of passing tones throughout all the modes."

This surprised him. Today's work was something he'd pulled from a more advanced course. He nodded thoughtfully at the boy. "Were you in an advanced placement program in Kyoto."

"My grandfather taught me the basics, but I mostly taught myself."

He was advanced then, intelligent for a human. This did not surprise me.

"Well," Mr. Tanaka said, pursing his lips. "I guess it's good you two are partners." He turned and walked away mumbling, "So the other kids can get a chance to learn something for themselves," under his breath. I doubted the boy could hear that. He began adding notes and chords to the sheet music he was writing earlier.

Two slips so far in one half hour. A very poor showing on my part. Though I had no idea at all what the boy thought of me - how much did he fear, how much did he suspect? - I knew I needed to put forth a better effort to leave him with a new impression of me. Something to better drown his memories of our ferocious last encounter.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I said, repeating the small talk that I'd heard a dozen students discuss already. A boring, standard topic of conversation. The weather - always safe.

He stared at me with obvious doubt in his eyes - an abnormal reaction to my very normal words. "Not really," he said, surprising me again.

I tried to steer the conversation back to trite paths. He was from a much brighter, warmer place - his skin seemed to reflect that somehow, despite its fairness - and the cold must make him uncomfortable. My icy touch certainly had...

"You don't like the cold," I guessed.

"Or the wet," he agreed.

"Utashinai must be a difficult place for you to live." _Perhaps you should not have have come here,_ I wanted to add. _Perhaps you should go back where you belong._

I wasn't sure I wanted that, though. i would always remember the scent of his blood - was there any guarantee that I wouldn't eventually follow after him? Besides, if he left, his mind would forever remain a mystery. A constant, nagging puzzle.

"I actually like it here," he said in a low voice, glowering past me for a moment.

His answers were never what I expected. On top of that, his expression didn't make any sense according to what he said. It was rather odd, given that he claimed to like it here. He hated the weather, yet liked being here? I was only becoming more curious, more inclined to ask questions.

"Then why do you look angry? Why would you come here if it upsets you, despite what you're saying?" I demanded, realizing instantly that my tone was too accusatory, not casual enough for conversation. The questions sounded rude, prying.

"It's... complicated."

He blinked his eyes, leaving it at that, and I nearly imploded out of curiosity - the curiosity burned as hot as the thirst in my throat. Actually, I found that it was getting slightly easier to breathe; the agony was becoming more bearable through familiarity.

"I think I can keep up," I insisted. Perhaps common courtesy would keep him answering my questions as long as I was rude enough to ask them.

He stared down silently at his hands. This made me impatient; I wanted to put my hand under his chin and tilt his head up so that I could read his eyes. But that would be foolish of me - dangerous - to touch his skin again.

He looked up suddenly. It was a relief to be able to see the emotions in his eyes again. He spoke in a rush, hurrying through the words.

"My father was too busy with his work."

Ah, this was human enough, easy to understand. Sadness passed through his clear eyes and brought the pucker back between them. His lips turned down into a frown.

"That doesn't sound so complex," I said. My voice was gentle without my working to make it that way. His sadness left me feeling oddly helpless, wishing there was something I could do to make him feel better. A strange impulse. "What made you decide to come here, though?"

"My grandfather taught me how to play the piano as a kid in rebellion to my father. He gave me a year to study it and do as I like, so I left to stay with my mother after getting accepted in here." He exhaled heavily - not quite a sigh. I held my breath as his warm breath brushed my face.

"And you don't like him," I guessed, fishing for more information.

"It's not that I don't... he's just too strict and refuses to accept that I don't want to continue my family's career," he said, correcting my assumption. There was a hint of a frown again around the corners of his thin lips. "Much too strict, but he did lend me a year to go about my hobbies."

This didn't fit with the scenario I'd been constructing in my head.

"Why didn't you study in a school back in Kyoto?" I asked, my voice a little too curious. It sounded like I was being nosy. Which I was, admittedly.

"I didn't want to be there with him criticizing the choice I was making every day. My mother left him because he was always too busy for her, so I decided to stay with her since she understood what I was doing best." The frown turned into a little smile; talking about his mother somehow made him feel better. I figured they were a lot closer than he was to his father.

I smiled, too, without choosing to. I wasn't trying to make him feel at ease. His smile just made me want to smile in response - to be in on the secret.

"What did she think when you told her you wanted to move in with her?" I ran through all the different conversations they could've had upon his arrival here, wondering which one was the right one...

"She welcomed me wholly. She told me that as long as I was happy, then she was, too. She only ever wanted what was best for me before she left." Another smile. "She said I can stay as long as I like, and she'll defend me if she needs to."

I pieced together the story he was putting in my head. His mother was relatively nice according to everyone here, even Ryuya himself. They're friends, not close but they do talk whenever they meet.

"So what did your father say about wanting to move here for the year?" I said. Asking questions had him talking more than blindly making assumptions. He took offense to those, I found. His chin jutted out, seeming to stand his ground.

"I didn't care enough to listen to what he had to say. I made my decision, and that was it," he said, and his voice had a new, hard edge to it. My question had upset him, though. I hadn't meant for that to be the outcome. "I left without saying much to him."

I could guess why after all that he'd told me, but his sudden stubbornness lost me. I would've been entirely lost, had he not explained his apparent dislike for his father.

"I still don't understand too well," I admitted, leaving it at that.

He sighed, and stared into my eyes for longer than most normal humans were able to stand.

"We've always had a strained relationship," he explained slowly, his tone growing more forlorn with each word. "My mother had it worse with him. She spent more time with me than him, and every time they talked, yelling was where their conversation ended up. So she left. Our relationship only worsened after that, so I decided that it would be nice to do what I love while staying with who I consider my only true parent."

The tiny pucker between his eyes deepened.

"But now you're unhappy about only having to stay for one year," I murmured. I couldn't seem to stop speaking my hypotheses aloud, hoping to learn from his reactions. This one, however, did not seem so off the mark.

"And?" he said, as if this was not even an aspect to be considered.

I continued to stare into his eyes, feeling that I'd finally gotten my first real glimpse into his soul. I saw in that one word where he ranked himself among his own priorities. Unlike most humans, his own needs were far down the list.

He was selfless, yet willing to fight for what he wanted if he needed to.

As I saw this, the mystery of the person hiding inside this quiet mind began to thin a little.

"That doesn't seem fair," I said. I shrugged, trying to seem casual, trying to conceal the intensity of my curiosity.

He laughed, but there was no amusement in the sound. "Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."

I wanted to laugh at his words, though I, too, felt no real amusement. I knew a little something about the unfairness of life. "I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before."

He stared back at me, seeming confused again. His eyes flickered away, and then came back to mine.

"So that's all," he told me.

But I was not ready to let this conversation end. The little V between his eyes, a remnant of his sorrow and frustration, bothered me. I wanted to smooth it away with my fingertip. But, of course, I could not touch her. It was unsafe in so many ways.

"You put on a good show." I spoke slowly, still considering this next hypothesis. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

He made a face, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a lopsided pout, and he looked back towards the front of the class. He didn't like it when I guessed correctly. He wasn't the average martyr - he didn't want an audience to his pain.

"Am I wrong?"

He flinched slightly, but otherwise pretended not to hear me.

That made me smile. "I didn't think so."

"Why does it matter to you?" he demanded, still staring away.

"That's a very good question," I admitted, more to myself than to answer him.

His discernment was better than mine - he saw right to the core of things while I floundered around the edges, sifting blindly through clues. The details of his very human life should _not_ matter to me. It was wrong for me to care what he thought. Beyond protecting my family from suspicion, human thoughts were not significant.

I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing. I relied on my extra hearing too much - I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.

The boy sighed and glowered toward the front of the classroom. Something about his frustrated expression was humorous. The whole situation, the whole conversation was humorous. No one had ever been in more danger from me than this mere child - at any moment I might, distracted by my ridiculous absorption in the conversation, inhale through my nose and attack him before I could stop myself - and _he_ was irritated because I hadn't answered his question.

"Am I annoying you?" I asked, smiling at the absurdity of it all.

He glanced at me quickly, and then his eyes seemed to get trapped by my gaze.

"Not exactly," he told me. "I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read - my mother always said I was an open book."

He frowned, disgruntled.

I stared at him in amazement. The reason he was upset was because he thought I saw through him _too easily._ How bizarre. I'd never expended so much effort to understand someone in all my life - or rather existence, as _life_ was hardly the right word

I did not truly have a _life._

"On the contrary," I disagreed, feeling strangely... wary, as if there were some hidden danger here that I was failing to see. I was suddenly on edge, the premonition making me anxious. "I find you very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then," he guessed, making his own assumption that was, again, right on target.

"Usually," I agreed.

I smiled at him widely then, letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming, razor sharp teeth behind them.

It was a stupid thing to do, but I was abruptly, unexpectedly desperate to get some kind of warning through to him. His body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation. All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity did not seem to be working on him. Why did he not cringe away from me in terror? Surely he had seen enough of my darker side to realize the danger, intuitive as he seemed to be.

I didn't get to see if my warning had the intended effect. Mr. Tanaka called for the class's attention just then, and he turned away from me at once. He seemed a little relieved for the interruption, so maybe he understood unconsciously.

I hoped he did.

I recognized the fascination growing inside me, even as I tried to root it out. I could not afford to find Masato Hijirikawa interesting. Or rather, _he_ could not afford that. Already, I was anxious for another chance to talk to him. I wanted to know more about his mother, his life before he came here, his relationship with his father. All the meaningless details that would flesh out his character further. But every second I spent with him was a mistake, a risk he shouldn't have to take.

Absentmindedly, he brushed his bangs off to the side just at the moment that I allowed myself another breath. A particularly concentrated wave of his scent hit the back of my throat.

It was like the first day - the wrecking ball. The pain of the burning dryness made me dizzy. i had to grasp the table again to keep myself in my seat. This time I had slightly more control. I didn't break anything, at least. The monster growled inside me, but took no pleasure in my pain. He was too tightly bound. For the moment.

I stopped breathing altogether, and leaned as far from the boy as I could.

No, I could not afford to find him fascinating. The more interesting I found him, the more likely it was that I would kill him. I'd already made two minor slips today. Would I make a third, one that was _not_ minor?

As soon as the bell sounded, I fled from the classroom - probably destroying whatever impression of politeness I'd halfway constructed in the course of the hour.

Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside like it was a cleaning attar. I hurried to put as much distance between myself and the boy as was possible.

Syo waited for me outside the door of our Italian class. He read my wild expression for a moment.

 _How did it go?_ he wondered warily.

"Nobody died," I mumbled.

 _I guess that's something. When I saw Haruka ditching there at the end, I thought..._

As we walked into the classroom, I saw his memory from just a few moments ago, seen through the open door of his last class: Haruka walking briskly and blank-faced across the grounds toward the other wing of music classrooms. I felt his remembered urge to get up and join her, and then his decision to stay. If Haruka needed his help, she would ask...

I closed my eyes in horror and disgust as I slumped into my seat. "I hadn't realized that it was that close. i didn't think I was going to... I didn't see that it was that bad," I whispered.

 _It wasn't_ , he reassured me. _Nobody died, right?_

"Right," I said through my teeth. "Not this time."

 _Maybe it will get easier._

"Sure."

 _Or, maybe you kill him._ He shrugged. _You wouldn't be the first one to mess up. No one would judge you too harshly. Sometimes a person just smells too good. I'm impressed you've lasted this long._

"Not helping, Syo."

I was revolted by his acceptance of the idea that I would kill the boy, that this was somehow inevitable. Was it his fault that he smelled so good?

 _I remember when it happened to me...,_ he reminisced, taking me back with him half a century, to a country lane at dusk, where a middle-aged women was taking her dried sheets down from a line strung between apple trees. The scent of apples hung heavy in the air - the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground, the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds. A fresh-mowed field of hay was a background to that scent, a harmony. He walked up the lane, all but oblivious to the woman, on an errand for Ai. The sky was purple overhead, orange over the western trees. He would have continued up the meandering cart path and there would have been no reason to remember the evening, except that a sudden night breeze blew the white sheets out like sails and fanned the woman's scent across Syo's face.

"Ah," I groaned quietly. As if my own remembered thirst was not enough.

 _I know. I didn't last half a second. I didn't even think about resisting._

His memory became far too explicit for me to stand.

I jumped to my feet, my teeth locked hard enough to cut through steel.

"Stai bene, Tokiya?" Mrs. Giuliani asked, startled by my sudden movement. I could see my face in her mind, and I knew that I looked far from well.

"Mi perdoni," I muttered, as I darted for the door.

"Syo - per favore, potete aiutare tuo fratello?" she asked, gesturing helplessly toward me as I rushed out of the room.

"Sure," I heard him say. And then he was right behind me.

He followed me to the far side of the building, where he caught up to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

I shoved his hand away with unnecessary force. It would have shattered the bones in a human hand, and the bones in the arm attached to it.

"Sorry, Tokiya."

"I know." I drew in deep gasps of air, trying to clear my head and my lungs.

"Is it as bad as that?" he asked, trying not to think of the scent and the flavor of his memory as he asked, and not quite succeeding.

"Worse, Syo, worse."

He was quiet for a moment.

 _Maybe..._

"No, it would not be better if I got it over with. Go back to class, Syo. I want to be alone."

He turned without another word, biting back the joke he was going to make, and walked quickly away. He would tell the Italian teacher that I was sick, or ditching, or a dangerously out of control vampire. Did his excuse really matter? Maybe I wasn't coming back. Maybe I had to leave.

I went to my car again, to wait for school to end. To hide. Again.

I should have spent the time making decisions or trying to bolster my resolve, but, like an addict, I found myself searching through the babble of thoughts emanating from the school buildings. The familiar voices stood out, but I wasn't interested in listening to Haruka's visions or Ai's complaints right now. I found Saki easily, but the boy was not with her, so I continued searching. Otoya Ittoki's thoughts caught my attention, and I located him at last, in a composition class with the redhead. Otoya was unhappy, because I'd spoken to him today in biology. He was running over his response when he'd brought the subject up...

 _I've never seen him actually talk to anyone for more than a word here or there. Of course he would decide to find Masato interesting. I don't like the way he looks at him. But Masato didn't seem too excited about him. What did he say? 'Wonder what was with him last Monday.' Something like that. Didn't sound like Masato cared. It couldn't have been much of a conversation..._

He talked to himself out of his pessimism in that way, cheered by the idea that Masato had not been interested in his exchange with me. This annoyed me quite a bit more than was acceptable, so I stopped listening to him.

I put a CD of violent music into the stereo - one of Syo's own personal CDs - and then turned it up until it drowned out other voices. I had to concentrate on the music very hard to keep myself from drifting back to Otoya Ittoki's thoughts, to spy on the unsuspecting boy...

I cheated a few times, as the hour drew to a close. Not spying, I tried to convince myself. I was just preparing. I wanted to know exactly when he would leave the classroom, when he would be in the parking lot. I didn't want him to take me by surprise.

As the students started to file out of the gym doors, I got out of my car, not sure why I did it. The rain was light - I ignored it as it slowly saturated my hair.

Did I want him to see me here? Did I hope he would come to speak to me? What was I doing?

I didn't move, though I tried to convince myself to get back in the car, knowing my behavior was reprehensible. I kept my arms folded across my chest and breathed very shallowly as I watched him walk slowly toward me, his mouth turning down at the corners. He didn't look at me. A few times he glanced up at the clouds with a grimace, as if they offended him.

I was disappointed when he reached his car before he had to pass me. Would he have spoken to me? Would I have spoken to him?

He got into an older black Chevrolet Impala, the rust on it showed its age. I watched him start the car - the old engine roared louder than any other vehicle in the lot; clearly it needed to be worked on - and then hold his hands out toward the heating vents. The cold was uncomfortable to him - he didn't like it. He combed his fingers through his navy locks, pulling strands through the stream of hot air like he was trying to dry them. I imagined what the cab of that car would smell like, and then quickly drove out the thought.

He glanced around as he prepared to back out, and finally looked in my direction. He stared back at me for only half a second, and all I could read in his eyes was surprise before he tore his eyes away and jerked the truck into reverse. And then squealed to a stop again, the back end of the truck missing a collision with another compact by mere inches.

He stared into his rearview mirror, his mouth hanging open with chagrin. When the other car hard pulled past him, he checked all his blind spots twice and then inched out of the parking space so cautiously that it made me grin. It was like he thought he was _dangerous_ in his small car.

The thought of Masato Hijirikawa being dangerous to anyone, no matter what he was driving, had me laughing while the boy drove past me, staring straight ahead.


	3. Phenomenon

Truly, I was not thirsty, but I decided to hunt again that night. A small ounce of prevention, inadequate though I knew it to be.

Ryuya came with me; we hadn't been alone together since I'd returned from Rikubetsu, As we ran through the dark green forest, I heard him thinking about my hasty goodbye last week.

In his memory, I saw the way my features had been twisted in fierce despair. I felt his surprise and sudden worry.

 _"Tokiya?"_

 _"I have to go, Ryuya. I have to go now."_

 _"What's happened?"_

 _"Nothing. Yet. But something will if I stay."_

He'd reached for my arm. I felt how it had hurt him when I'd cringed away from his hand.

 _"I don't understand."_

 _"Have you ever... has there ever been a time..."_

I watched myself take a deep breath, saw the wild light in my eyes through the filter of his deep concern.

 _"Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them?_ Much _better?"_

 _"Oh."_

When I'd known that he understood, my face had fallen with shame. He'd reached out to tough me, ignoring it when I'd recoiled again, and left his hand on my shoulder.

 _"Do what you must to resist, son. I will miss you. Here, take my car. It's faster."_

He was wondering now if he'd done the right thing then, sending me away. Wondering if he had hurt me with his lack of trust.

"No," I whispered as I ran. "That was what I needed. I might so easily have betrayed that trust, if you'd told me to stay."

"I'm sorry you're suffering, Tokiya. But you should do what you can to keep the Hijirikawa child alive. Even if it means that yo must leave us again."

"I know, I know."

"Why _did_ you come back? You know how happy I am to have you here, but if this is too difficult..."

"I didn't like feeling like a coward," I admitted.

We'd slowed - we were barely jogging through the darkness now.

"Better that than putting him in danger. He'll be gone in a year or two."

"You're right, I know that." Contrarily, though, his words only made me more anxious to stay. The boy would be gone in a year or two...

Ryuya stopped running and I stopped with him; he turned to examine my expression.

 _But you're not going to run, are you?_

I hung my head.

 _Is it pride, Tokiya? There's no shame in-_

"No, it isn't pride that keeps me here. Not now."

 _Nowhere to go?_

I laughed shortly. "No. That wouldn't stop me, if I could make myself leave."

"We'll come with you, of course, if that's what you need. You only have to ask. You've moved on without complaint for the rest of them. They won't begrudge you this."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

He laughed. "Yes, Ai might, but he owes you. Anyway, it's much better for us to leave now, no damage done, than for us to leave later, after a life has been ended." All humor was gone by the end.

I flinched at his words.

"Yes," I agreed. My voice sounded hoarse.

 _But you're not leaving?_

I sighed. "I should."

"What holds you here, Tokiya? I'm failing to see..."

"I don't know if I can explain." Even to myself, it made no sense.

He measured my expression for a long moment.

 _No, I do not see. But I will respect your privacy, if you prefer._

 _"_ Thank you. It's generous of you, seeing as how I give privacy to no one." With one exception. And I was doing what I could to deprive him of that, wasn't I?

 _We all have our quirks._ He smirked. _Shall we?_

He'd just caught the scent of a small herd of deer. It was hard to rally much enthusiasm for what was, even under the best of circumstances, a less than mouthwatering aroma. Right now, with the memory of the boy's blood fresh in my mind, the smell actually turned my stomach.

I sighed. "Let's," I agreed, though I knew that forcing more blood down my throat would help so little.

We both shifted into a crouch and let the unappealing scent pull us silently forward.

.

. . .

.

It was chillier when we finally returned home. The melted snow had refrozen; it was as if a thin sheet of glass covered everything-each pine needle, each fern frond, each blade of grass was iced over.

While Ryuya went to dress for his early shift at the school - he worked with students for private lessons for piano and voice - I stayed by the river, waiting for the sun to rise. I felt almost swollen from the amount of blood I'd consumed, but I knew the lack of actual thirst would mean little when I sat beside the boy again.

Cool and motionless as the stone I sat on, I stared at the dark water running beside the icy bank, stared right through it.

Ryuya was right. I should leave Utashinai. They could spread some story to explain my absence. Boarding school in Europe. Visiting distant relatives. Teenage runaway after being put under too much pressure.

The story didn't matter. No one would question too intensely.

It was just a year or two, and then the boy would disappear. He would go on with his life - he would _have_ a life to go on with. He'd go on to participate in piano competitions and win, get older, become a well-known musician, perhaps marry someone. I could picture that - I could see him beaming at his soon-to-be wife from his place at the altar, slowly sliding the ring onto his partner's finger.

It was odd, the pain the image caused me. I couldn't understand it. Was I jealous, because he had a future that I could never have? That made no sense. Every one of the humans around me had that same potential ahead of them - a life - and I rarely stopped to envy them.

I should leave him to his future. Stop risking his life. That was the right thing to do. Ryuya always chose the right way. I should listen to him now.

The sun rose behind the clouds, and the faint light glistened off all the frozen glass.

One more day, I decided. I would see him one more time. I could handle that. Perhaps I would mention my pending disappearance, set the story up.

This was going to be difficult; I could feel that in the heavy reluctance that was already making me think of excuses to stay - to extend the deadline to two days, three, four... But I would do the right thing. I knew I could trust Ryuya's advice. And I also knew that I was too conflicted to make the right decision alone.

Much too conflicted. How much of this reluctance came from my obsessive curiosity, and how much came from my unsatisfied appetite?

I went inside to change into fresh clothes for school.

Haruka was waiting for me, sitting on the top step at the edge of the third floor.

 _You're leaving again,_ she accused me.

"I don't know where I'm going yet," I whispered.

 _I want you to stay._

I shook my head.

 _Maybe Natsu and I could come with you?_

"They'll need you all the more, if I'm not here to watch out for them. And think of Ringo. Would you take half of his family away in one blow?"

 _You're going to make him sad._

"I know. That's why you have to stay."

 _That's not the same as having you here, and you know it._

"Yes. But I have to do what's right."

 _There are many right ways, and many wrong ways, though, aren't there?_

For a brief moment she was swept away into one of her strange visions; I watched along with her as the indistinct images flickered and whirled. I saw myself mixed in with strange shadows that I couldn't make out - hazy, imprecise forms. And then, suddenly, my skin was glittering in the bright sunlight of a small open meadow. This was a place I knew. There was a figure in the meadow with me, but, again, it was indistinct, not _there_ enough to recognize. The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny choices rearranged the future again.

"I didn't catch much of that," I told her when the vision went dark.

 _Me either. Your future is shifting around so much I can't keep up with any of it. I_ think, _though..._

She stopped, and she flipped through a vast collection of other recent visions for me. They were all the same - blurry and vague.

"I _think_ something is changing, though," she said out loud. "Your life seems to be at a crossroads."

I laughed grimly. "You do realize that you sound like a bogus gypsy at a carnival now, right?"

She giggled along with me.

"Today is all right though, isn't it?" I asked, my voice abruptly apprehensive.

"I don't see you killing anyone today," she assured me.

"Thanks, Haruka."

"Go get dressed. I won't say anything - I'll let you tell the others when you're ready."

She stood and darted back down the stairs, her shoulders hunched slightly. _Miss you. Really._

Yes, I would really miss her, too.

It was a quiet ride to school. Natsuki could tell that Haruka was upset about something, but he knew that if she wanted to talk about it she would have done so already. Syo and Ai were oblivious, having one of those moments they so rarely had, gazing into each others' eyes with wonder - it was rather disgusting to watch from the outside. We were all quite aware how desperately in love they were. Well, not quite but they made it obvious in times like these. Or maybe I was just being bitter because I was the only one alone. Some days it was harder than others to live with three sets of perfectly matched lovers. This was one of them.

Maybe they would all be happier without me hanging around, ill-tempered and belligerent as the old man I should be by now.

Of course, the first thing I did when we reached the school was to look for the boy. Just preparing myself again.

Right.

It was embarrassing how my world suddenly seemed to be empty of everything but him - my whole existence centered around the boy, rather than around myself anymore.

It was easy enough to understand, though, really; after a hundred years of the same thing every day and every night, any change became a point of absorption.

He had not yet arrived, but I could hear the sound of his car's engine in the distance. I leaned against the side of the car to wait. Haruka stayed with me, while the others went straight to class. They were bored with my fixation - it was incomprehensible to them how any human could hold my interest for so long, no matter how delicious he smelled.

The boy drove slowly into view, his eyes intent on the road and his hands tight on the wheel. He seemed anxious yet determined about something. It took me a second to figure out what that something, to realize that every human wore the same expression today. Ah, the road was slick with ice, and they were trying to drive more carefully. I could see he was taking the added risk seriously.

That seemed in line with what little I had learned of his character. I added this to my small list: he was a serious, responsible person.

He parked not too far from me, but he hadn't noticed me standing here yet, staring at him. I wondered what he would do when he did? Scowl and walk away? That was my first guess, but maybe he would stare back. Blush maybe. Maybe he would come talk to me.

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs hopefully, just in case.

He got out of the small car with care, testing the slick ground before he put his weight on it. He didn't look up, and that frustrated me. Maybe I would go talk to him...

No, that would be wrong.

Instead of turning toward the school, he made his way to the rear of his car, clinging to the side of it in a droll way, not trusting his footing. It made me smile, and I felt Haruka's eyes on my face. I didn't listen to whatever this made her think - I was having too much fun watching the boy check his snow chains. He actually looked to be in some danger of falling, the way his feet were sliding around. No one else was having trouble - had he parked in the worst of the ice?

He paused there, staring down with a strange expression on his face. It was... tender? As if something about the tire was making him... _emotional?_

Again, the curiosity ached like a thirst. It was as if I _had_ to know what he was thinking - as if nothing else mattered.

I would go talk to him. He looked like he could use a hand anyway, at least until he was off the slick pavement. Of course, I couldn't offer him that, could I? I hesitated, torn. As adverse as he seemed to be to snow, he would hardly welcome the touch of my cold white hand. I should have worn gloves-

"NO!" Haruka gasped aloud.

Instantly, I scanned her thoughts, guessing at first that I had made a poor choice and she saw me doing something inexcusable. But it had nothing to do with me at all.

Kenji Yamada had chosen to take the turn into the parking lot at an injudicious speed. This choice would send him skidding across a patch of ice...

The came just half a second before the reality. Kenji's van rounded the corner as I was still watching the conclusion that had pulled the horrified gasp through Haruka's lips.

No, this vision had nothing to do with me, and yet it had _everything_ to do with me, because Kenji's van - the tires right now hitting the ice at the worst possible angle - was going to spin across the lot and crush the boy who had become the uninvited focal point of my world.

Even without Haruka's foresight it would have been simple enough to read the trajectory of the vehicle, flying out of Kenji's control.

The boy, standing in exactly the wrong place at the back of his car, looked up, bewildered by the sound of the screeching tires. He looked straight into my horror-struck eyes, and then turned to watch his approaching death.

 _Not him!_ The words shouted in my head as if they belonged to someone else.

Still locked into Haruka's thoughts, I saw the vision suddenly shift, but I had no time to see what the outcome would be.

I launched myself across the lot, throwing myself between the skidding van and the frozen boy. I moved so fast that everything was a streaky blur except for the object of my focus. He didn't see me - no human eyes could have followed my flight - still staring at the hulking shape that was about to grind his body into the metal frame of his car.

I caught him around the waist, moving with too much urgency to be as gentle as he would need me to be. In the hundredth of a second between the time that I yanked his slight form out of the path of death and the time that I crashed into the ground with him in my arms, I was vividly aware of his fragile, breakable body.

When I heard his head crack against the ice, it felt like I had turned to ice, too.

But I didn't even have a full second to ascertain his condition. I heard the van behind us, grating and squealing as it twisted around the back of the boy's car. It was changing course, arching, coming for him again - like he was a magnet, pulling it toward us.

A word I'd never said in front of others out of decency slid between my clenched teeth.

I had already done too much. As I'd nearly flown through the air to push him out of the way, I'd been fully aware of the mistake I was making. Knowing that it was a mistake did not stop me, but I was not oblivious to the risk I was taking - taking, not just for myself, but for my entire family.

Exposure.

And _this_ certainly wasn't going to help, but there was no way I was going to allow the van to succeed in its second attempt to take his life.

I dropped him and threw my hands out, catching the van before it could touch the girl. The force of it hurled me back into the car parked beside his own car, and I could feel its frame buckle behind my shoulders. The van shuddered and shivered against the unyielding obstacle of my arms, and then swayed, balancing unstably on the two far tires.

If I moved my hands, the back tire of the van was going to fall onto his legs.

Oh, for the _love_ of _all_ that was _holy_ , would the catastrophes never end? Was there anything else that could go wrong? I could hardly sit here, holding the van in the air, and wait for rescue. Nor could I throw the van away - there was the driver to consider, his thoughts incoherent with panic.

With an internal groan, I shoved the van so that it rocked away from us for an instant. As it fell back toward me, I caught it under the frame with my right hand while I wrapped my left arm around the boy's waist again and dug him out from under the van, pulling him tight up against my side. His body moved limply as I swung him around so that his legs would be in the clear - was he conscious? How much damage had I done to him in my impromptu rescue attempt?

I let the van drop, now that it could not hurt him. It crashed to the pavement, all the windows shattering in unison.

I knew that I was in the middle of a crisis. How much had he seen? Had any other witnesses watched me materialize at his side and then juggle the van while I tried to keep him out from under it? These questions _should_ be my biggest concern.

But I was too anxious to really care about the threat of exposure as much as I should. Too panic-stricken that I might have injured him myself in my effort to protect him. Too frightened to have him this close to me, knowing what I would smell if I allowed myself to inhale. Too aware of the heat of his soft body, pressed against mine - even through the double obstacle of our jackets, I could feel that heat...

The first fear was the greatest fear. As the screaming of the witnesses erupted around us, I leaned down to examine his face, to see if he was conscious - hoping fiercely that he was not bleeding anywhere.

His eyes were open, staring in shock.

"Masato?" I asked urgently. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He said the words automatically in a dazed voice.

Relief, so exquisite it was nearly pain, washed through me at the sound of his voice. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, and did not mind the accompanying burn in my throat. I almost welcomed it.

He struggled to sit up, but I was not ready to release him. It felt somehow... safer? Better, at least, having him tucked into my side.

"Be careful," I warned him. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."

There had been no smell of fresh blood - a mercy, that - but this did not rule out internal damage. I was abruptly anxious to him to the hospital as well as a full compliment of radiology equipment. Maybe even be looked at by Ringo. He spent a few years of his life on medical study and practice. He even worked in the biggest hospital in Utashinai, where the boy would be heading. I could make sure of that. Make sure that Ringo was there.

"Ow," he said, his tone comically shocked as he realized I was right about his head.

"That's what I thought." Relief made it funny to me, made me almost giddy.

"How in the..." His voice trailed off, and his eyelids fluttered. "How did you get over here so fast?"

The relief turned sour, the humor vanished. She _had_ noticed too much.

Now that it appeared that the boy was in decent shape, the anxiety for my family became severe.

"I was standing right next to you, Masato." I knew from experience that if I was very confident as I lied, it made any questioner less sure of the truth.

He struggled to move again, and this time I allowed it. I needed to breathe so that I could play my role correctly. I needed space from his warm-blooded heat so that it would not combine with his scent to overwhelm me. I slid away from him, as far as was possible in the small space between the wrecked vehicles.

He stared up at me, and I stared back. To look away first was a mistake only an incompetent liar would make, and I was not an incompetent liar. My expression was smooth, benign... It seemed to confuse him. That was good.

The accident scene was surrounded now. Mostly students, children, peering and pushing through the cracks to see if any mangled bodies were visible. There was a babble of shouting and a gush of shocked thought. I scanned the thoughts once to make sure there were no suspicions yet, and then tuned it out and concentrated only on the boy.

He was distracted by the bedlam. He glanced around, his expression still stunned, and tried to get to his feet.

I put my hand lightly on his shoulder to hold him down.

"Just stay put for now." He _seemed_ alright, but should he really be moving his neck? Again, I wished for him to be in a hospital.

"But it's cold," he objected.

He had almost been crushed to death two distinct times and crippled one more, and it was the cold that worried him. A chuckle slid through my teeth before I could remember that the situation was not funny.

Masato blinked, and then his eyes focused on my face. "You were over there."

That sobered me again.

He glanced toward the south, though there was nothing to see now but the crumpled side of the van. "You were by your car."

"No, I wasn't."

"I saw you," he insisted; his gaze narrowed on mine, like he knew I was lying. Persistent and stubborn.

"Masato, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way."

I stared deeply into his eyes, trying to will him into accepting my version- the only rational version on the table.

His jaw set. "No."

I tried to stay calm, to not panic. If only I could keep him quiet for a few moments, to give me a chance to destroy the evidence... and undermine his story by disclosing his head injury.

Shouldn't it be easy to keep this silent, secretive boy quiet? If only he would trust me, just for a few moments...

"Please, Masato," I saw, and my voice was too intense, because I suddenly _wanted_ him to trust me. Wanted it badly, and not just in regards to this accident. A stupid desire.

What sense would it make for him to trust _me_?

"Why?" he asked, still defensive.

"Trust me," I pleaded.

"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"

It made me angry to have to lie to him again, when I so much wished that I could somehow deserve his trust. So, when I answered him, it was a retort.

"Fine."

"Fine," he echoed in the same tone.

While the rescue attempt began around us - adults arriving, authorities called, sirens in the distance - I tried to ignore the boy and get my priorities in the right order. I searched through every mind in the lot, the witnesses and the latecomers both, but I could find nothing dangerous. Many were surprised to see me here beside Masato, but all concluded - as there was no other possible conclusion - that they had just not noticed me standing by the boy before the accident.

He was the only one who didn't accept the easy explanation, but he would be considered the least reliable witness. He had been frightened, traumatized, not to mention sustaining the blow to the head. Possibly in shock. It would be acceptable for his story to be confused, wouldn't it? No one would give it much credence above so many spectators...

I winced when I caught the thoughts of Ai, Natsuki and Syo, just arriving on the scene. There would be hell to pay for this tonight.

I wanted to iron out the indention my shoulders had made against the blue car, but the boy was too close. I'd have to wait until he was distracted.

It was frustrating to wait - so many eyes on me - as the humans struggled with the van, trying to pull it away from us. I might have helped them, just to speed the process, but I was already in enough trouble and the boy had sharp eyes. Finally, they were able to shift it far enough away for the EMTs to get to us with their stretchers.

A familiar, warm face appraised me.

"Hey, Tokiya," Arata Koichi said. He was a well-known doctor at the hospital Ringo works at, and I knew him well myself. It was a stroke of luck - the only luck today - that he was the first through to us. In his thoughts, he was noting that I looked alert and calm. "Are you alright?"

"Perfect, Arata. Nothing touched me. But I'm afraid Masato here might have a concussion. He really hit his head when I yanked him out of the way..."

Arata turned his attention to the boy, who shot me a fierce look of betrayal. Oh, that was right. He was the quiet martyr - he'd prefer to suffer in silence.

He didn't contradict my story immediately, though, and this made me feel at ease.

The next EMT tried to insist that I allow myself to be treated, but it wasn't difficult to dissuade him. I promised I would let my father examine me, and he let it go. With most humans, speaking with cool assurance was all that was needed. Most humans just not the boy, of course. Did he fit into _any_ of the normal patterns?

As they put a neck brace on him - and his face flushed scarlet with embarrassment - I used the moment of distraction to quietly rearrange the shape of the dent in the blue car with the back of my foot. Only my siblings noticed what I was doing, and I heard Syo's mental promise to catch anything I missed.

Grateful for his help - and more grateful that Syo, at least, had already forgiven my dangerous choice - I was more relaxed as I climbed into the front seat of the ambulance next to Arata.

The police arrived with Masato's mother before they had gotten Masato into the back of the ambulance.

His mother's thoughts were past words, the panic and concern emanating out of the man's mind drown out just about every other thought in the vicinity. Wordless anxiety and guilt, a great swell of them, washed out of her as she saw her only son on the gurney.

Washed out of her and through me, echoing and growing stronger. When Haruka had warned me that killing Misaki Hijirikawa's son would kill her, too, she had not been exaggerating.

My head bowed with that guilt as I listened to her panicked voice.

"Masato!" she shouted, rushing to him.

"I'm completely fine, Mis- Mother." He sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me."

His assurance barely soothed his dread. He turned at once to the closest EMT and demanded more information.

It wasn't until I heard her speaking, forming perfectly coherent sentences despite her panic, that I realized this her anxiety and concern were _not_ wordless. I just... could not hear the exact words.

Hmm... Misaki Hijirikawa was not as silent as her son, but I could see where he got it from. Interesting.

I'd never spent much time around her. I'd always taken her for a woman of slow thought - now I realized that _I_ was the one who was slow. Her thoughts were partially concealed, not absent. I could only make out the tenor, the tone of them...

I wanted to listen harder, to see if I could find in this new, lesser puzzle the key to the boy's secrets. But Masato was loaded into the back by then, and the ambulance was on its way.

It was hard to tear myself away from this possible solution to the mystery that had come to obsess me, but I had to think now - to look at what had been done today from every angle. I had to listen, to make sure that I had not put us all in so much danger that we would have to leave immediately. I had to concentrate.

There was nothing in the thoughts of the EMTs to worry me. As far as they could tell, there was nothing seriously wrong with the boy, and Masato was sticking to the story I'd provided, thus far.

The first priority, when we reached the hospital, was to see Ringo. I hurried through the automatic doors, but I was unable to totally forgo watching after Masato; I kept an eye on him through the paramedics' thoughts.

It was easy to find my father's familiar mind. He was in his small office, all alone - the second stroke of luck in this luckless day.

"Ringo."

He'd heard my approach, and he was alarmed as soon as he saw my face. Usually he'd make a comment about visiting him one of the very rare times that I did, but he was silent now. He jumped to his feet, his face paling to bone white. he leaned forward across the neatly organized mahogany desk.

 _Tokiya - you didn't -_

"No, no, it's not like that."

He took a deep breath. _Of course not. I'm so sorry I doubted you. Your eyes, of course, I should have known..._ He looked at me with a certain fondness only he held as he caught sight of my still deep blue eyes.

"He's hurt, though, Ringo, probably not seriously, but-"

"What happened?"

"A stupid car accident. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I couldn't just stand there - let it crush him -"

 _Start over, I don't understand. How were you involved?_

"A van skidded across the ice," I whispered. I stared at the wall behind him while I spIt was disappointing enough that I was letting my grief show through to him of all people. Looking him directly in the eye would only have been more difficult. "He was in the way. Haruka saw it coming, but there wasn't time to do anything but really _run_ across the lot and shove him out of the way. No one noticed... except for him. I had to stop the van, too, but again nobody saw that... besides him. I'm... I'm sorry, Ringo. I didn't mean to put us in danger."

He circled the desk with knit eyebrows and pulled me in for a hug.

 _You did the right thing, so don't beat yourself up over it. I forbid it, got it? It couldn't have been easy for you. I'm proud of you, Tokiya._

I could look him in the eye then. "He knows there's something... wrong with me."

"That doesn't matter. If we have to leave, we leave. What has he said?"

I shook my head, a little frustrated. "Nothing yet."

 _Yet?_

"He agreed to my version of events - but he's still expecting an explanation."

He frowned, pondering this.

"He did his head - well, I did that," I continued quickly. "I knocked him to the ground fairly hard. He seems fine, but... I don't think it will take much to discredit his account."

I felt like a cad just saying the words.

Ringo heard the distaste in my voice. _Perhaps that won't be necessary. Let's see what happens, shall we? It sounds like I have a patient to check on._

"Please," I said. "I'm so worried that I hurt him."

Ringo's expression brightened, giving me a teasingly look before composing himself. He checked his long, pink hair in the mirror by his door before laughing heartily.

 _It's been an interesting day for you, hasn't it?_ In his mind, I could see the irony, and it was humorous, at least to him. Quite the reversal of roles. Somewhere during that short thoughtless second when I'd sprinted across the icy lot, I had transformed from killer to protector.

I scowled at him, remembering how Masato would never need protecting from anything more than myself. I was a monster, not someone with as much innocence as I feigned to have.

.

. . .

.

I waited alone in Ringo's office - one of the longer hours I had ever lived - listening to the hospital full of thoughts.

Kenji Yamada, the van's driver, looked to be hurt worse than Masato, and the attention shifted to Kenji while Masato waited his turn to be X-rayed. Ringo kept in the background, trusting the PA's diagnosis that the boy was only slightly injured. This made me anxious, but I knew he was right. One glance at his face and the boy would be immediately reminded of me, of the fact that there was something not right about my family, and that might set him talking. The one good thing was how different in personality I was to Ringo. It was like night and day.

He certainly had a willing enough partner to converse with. Kenji was consumed with guilt over the fact that he had almost killed him, and he couldn't seem to shut up about it. I could see the boy's expression through Kenji's eyes, and it was clear that he wished the other would stop. How did Kenji not see that?

There was a tense moment for me when Kenji asked him how he'd gotten out of the way.

I waited, not breathing, as he hesitated to answer.

" _Um..."_ he heard him say. Then he paused for so long that Kenji wondered if his question had confused him. Finally, he continued. " _Tokiya pulled me out of the way."_

I exhaled. And then my breathing accelerated. I'd never heard him speak my name before. I like the way it sounded - even just hearing it through Kenji's thoughts. I wanted to hear it for myself...

 _"Tokiya Ichinose,"_ he said, when Kenji didn't realize who he meant. I found myself at the door, my hand on the knob. The desire to see him was growing stronger. I had to remind myself of the need for caution.

 _"he was standing next to me."_

 _"Ichinose?" Huh. That's weird. "I didn't see him." i could have sworn... "Wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?"_

 _"I think so. He's here somewhere, but they didn't make him use a stretcher."_

I saw the thoughtful look on his face, the suspicious tightening of his eyes, but these little changes in his expression were lost on Kenji.

 _He's kinda pretty,_ he was thinking, almost in surprise. _Even all messed up. Not my usual type, still... i should take him out. Make up for today..._

I was out in the hall, then, halfway to the emergency room, without thinking for one second about what I was doing. Luckily, the nurse entered the room before I could - it was Masato's turn for X-rays. I leaned against the wall in a dark nook just around the corner, and tried to get a grip on myself while he was wheeled away.

It didn't matter what Kenji thought of him. Anyone would notice that he was particularly handsome. There was no reason for me to feel... how _did_ I feel? Annoyed? Or was _angry_ closer to the truth? That made no sense at all.

I stayed where I was for as long as I could, but impatience got the best of me and I took a back way around to the radiology room. He'd already been moved back to the ER, but I was able to take a peek at his x-rays while the nurse's back was turned.

I felt calmer than I had. His head was fine. I hadn't hurt him, not really.

Ringo caught me there.

 _You look much better,_ he commented with a smile.

I just looked straight ahead. We weren't alone, the halls full of orderlies and visitors.

 _Ah, yes._ He stuck his x-rays to the lightboard, but I didn't need a second look. _I see. He's absolutely fine. Well done, Tokiya._

The sound of my father's approval created a mixed reaction in me. I would have been pleased, except that I knew that he would not approve of what I was going to do now. At least, he would not approve if he knew my real motivations...

"I think I'm going to go talk to him - before he sees you," I murmured under my breath. "Act natural, like nothing happened. Smooth it over." All acceptable reasons.

Ringo nodded absently, still smiling as he looked over the x-rays. "Good idea. Hmm."

I looked to see what held his interest.

 _Look at all the healed contusions! How many times did his mother drop him?_ Ringo laughed to himself at his joke.

"I'm beginning to think the boy just has really bad luck. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time."

 _Utashinai is certainly the wrong place for him, with you here._

I flinched, and Ringo apologized internally.

 _Go ahead. Smooth things over. I'll join you soon._

I walked away quickly, feeling guilty. Perhaps I was too good a liar, if I could fool Ringo.

When I got to the ER, Kenji was mumbling under his breath, still apologizing. The boy was trying to escape his remorse by pretending to sleep. His eyes were closed, but his breathing was not even, and now and then his fingers would twitch impatiently.

I stared at his face for a long moment. This was the last time I would see him. That fact triggered an acute aching in my chest. Was it because I hated to leave any puzzles unsolved? That did not seem like enough of an explanation.

Finally, I took a deep breath and moved into view.

When Kenji saw me, he started to speak, but I put one finger to my lips.

"Is he sleeping?" I murmured.

Masato's eyes snapped open and focused on my face. They widened momentarily, and then narrowed in anger or suspicion. I remembered that I had a role to play, so I smiled at him as if nothing unusual had happened this morning - besides a blow to his head and a bit of imagination run wild.

"Hey, Tokiya," Kenji said. "I'm really sorry-"

I raised one hand to halt his apology. "No blood, no foul," I said wryly. Without thinking, I smiled too widely at my private joke.

It was amazingly easy to ignore Kenji, lying no more than four feet from me, covered in fresh blood. I'd never understood how Ringo was able to do that - ignore the blood of his patients in order to treat them. Wouldn't the constant temptation be so distracting, so dangerous...? But, now... I could see how, if you were focusing on something else _hard_ enough, the temptation was nothing at all.

Even fresh and exposed, Kenji's blood had nothing on Masato's.

I kept my distance from him, seating myself on the foot of Kenji's mattress.

"So, what's the verdict?" I asked him.

His lower lip pushed out a little. "There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

His impatience made me smile again.

I could hear Ringo in the hall now.

"It's all about who you know," I said lightly. "But don't worry, I came to spring you."

I watched his reaction carefully as my father entered the room. His eyes widened and his mouth actually fell open in surprise before it shut tightly. I groaned internally. Yes, he'd certainly noticed the resemblance.

"So, Mr. Hijirikawa, how are you feeling?" Ringo asked. He had a wonderfully soothing manner that put most patients at ease within moments. I couldn't tell how it affected Masato.

"I'm fine," he said quietly, yet sternly.

Ringo clipped his X-rays to the lightboard by the bed. "Your X-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Tokiya said you hit it pretty hard."

He sighed, and said, "I'm fine," again, but this time impatience leaked into his voice. Then he glowered once in my direction.

Ringo stepped closer to him and ran his fingers gently over his scalp until he found the bump under his hair.

I was caught off guard by the wave of emotion that crashed over me.

I had seen Ringo work with humans a thousand times. Years ago, I had even assisted him informally - though only in situations where blood was not involved. So it wasn't a new thing to me, to watch him interact with the boy as if Ringo were human as he was. I'd envied his control many times, but that was not the same as this emotion. I envied him more than his control. I ached for the difference between Ringo and me - that he could touch him so gently, without fear, knowing he would never harm him...

Masato winced, and I twitched in my seat. I had to concentrate for a moment to keep my relaxed posture.

"Tender?" Ringo asked.

His chin jerked up a fraction. "Not really," he said.

Another small piece of his character fell into place: he was brave. He didn't like to show weakness.

Possibly the most vulnerable creature I'd ever seen, and he didn't want to seem weak. A smirk slid across my lips.

He shot another glare at me.

"Well," Ringo said, "your mother is in the waiting room - you can go home with her now. Please come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

His mother was here? I swept through the thoughts in the crowded waiting room, but I couldn't pick Mrs. Hijirikawa's subtle mental voice out of the group before Masato was speaking again, his face anxious.

"Can't I go back to school?"

"You should probably take it easy today, darling," Ringo suggested.

His eyes flickered back to me. "Does _he_ get to go to school?"

Act normal, smooth things over... ignore the way it feels when he looks me in the eye...

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," I said.

"Actually," Ringo corrected, trying his best not to smack me, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

I anticipated his reaction this time - his aversion to attention. He didn't disappoint.

"Oh no," he groaned, and he lolled his head back while closing his eyes.

I liked that I'd finally guessed right. I was beginning to understand him...

"Do you want to stay?" Ringo asked.

"No, no!" he said quickly, swinging his legs over the side of the mattress and sliding down till his feet were on the floor. He stumbled forward, off-balance, into Ringo's arms. He caught and steadied him.

Again, the envy flooded through me.

"I'm fine," he said before he could comment, faint pink in his cheeks.

Of course that wouldn't bother Ringo. He made sure Masato was balanced, and then dropped his hands.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain," Ringo instructed sternly.

"It doesn't hurt that bad."

Ringo smiled, shook his head, and signed his chart. "It sounds like you were extremely lucky."

He turned his face slightly, to stare at me with hard eyes. "Lucky Tokiya happened to be standing next to me."

"oh, well, yes," Ringo agreed quickly, hearing the same thing in his voice that I heard. He hadn't written his suspicions off as imagination. Not yet.

 _All yours,_ Ringo thought in a sing-song voice. _Handle it as you think best. I trust you._

"Thanks so much," I whispered, quick and quiet. Neither human heard me.

Ringo's lips turned up a tiny bit at my sarcasm as he turned to Kenji. "I'm afraid _you'll_ have to stay with us just a little bit longer," he said as he began examining the slashes left by the shattered windshield.

Well, I'd made the mess, so it was only fair that I had to deal with it.

Masato walked deliberately toward me, not stopping until he was uncomfortably close. I remembered how I had hoped, before all the mayhem, that he would approach me... This was like a mockery of that wish.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he hissed at me.

His warm breath brushed my face and I had to stagger back a step. His appeal had not abated one bit. Every time he was near me, it triggered all my worst, most urgent instincts. Venom flowed in my mouth and my body yearned to strike - to wrench him into my arms and crush his throat to my teeth.

My mind was stronger than my body, but only just.

"Your mother is waiting for you," I reminded him, my jaw clenched tight.

He glanced toward Ringo and Kenji. Kenji was paying us no attention at all, but Ringo was monitoring my every breath.

 _Careful now, Tokiya. I want to be able to meet her when she comes over one of these days._

Ringo was testing my breaking point.

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," he insisted in a low voice.

I wanted to tell him that I did very much mind, but I knew I would have to do this eventually. I may as well get on with it.

I was full of so many conflicting emotions as I stalked out of the room, listening to his stumbling footsteps behind me, trying to keep up.

I had a show to put on now. I knew the role I would play - I had the character down: I would be the villain. I would lie and ridicule and be cruel.

It went against all my better impulses - the human impulses that I'd clung to through all these years. I'd never wanted to deserve trust more than in this moment, when I had to destroy all possibility of it.

It made it worse to know that this would be the last memory he would have of me. This was my farewell scene.

I turned on him.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

He cringed back slightly from my hostility. His eyes turned bewildered, the expression that had haunted me...

"You owe me an explanation," he said in a small voice; his ivory face blanched.

It was very hard to keep my voice harsh. "I saved your life - I don't owe you anything."

He flinched - it burned like acid to watch my words hurt him.

"You promised," he said boldly, as if the mention of a mere promise was to get me to spill everything to him.

"Masato, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about."

His chin came up then. "There's nothing wrong with my head."

He was angry now, and that made it easier for me. i met his glare, making my face more unfriendly.

"What do you want from me, Masato?"

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

What he wanted was only fair - it frustrated me to have to deny him.

"What do you _think_ happened?" I nearly growled at him.

His words poured out in a torrent. "All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me - Kenji didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both - and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it - and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all - and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up..." Suddenly, he clenched his teeth together and his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Tears of anger no doubt. He was furious with me.

I stared at him, my expression derisive, though what I really felt was awe; he had seen everything.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I asked sarcastically.

He answered with one stiff nod.

My voice grew more mocking. "Nobody will believe that, you know."

He made an effort to control his anger. When he answered me, he spoke each word with slow deliberation. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

He meant it - I could see that in his eyes. Even furious and betrayed, he would keep my secret.

 _Why?_

The shock of it ruined my carefully designed expression for half a second, and then I pulled myself together.

"Then why does it matter?" I asked, working to keep my voice severe.

"It matters to me," he said intensely. "I don't like to lie - so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."

He was asking me to trust him. Just as I wanted him to trust me. But this was a line I could not cross.

My voice stayed callous. "Can't you just thank me and get it over with?"

"Thank you," he said, and then he fumed silently, waiting.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"No."

"In that case..." I couldn't tell him the truth if I wanted to... and I _didn't_ want to. I'd rather he made up his own story than know what I was, because nothing could be worse than the truth - I was a living nightmare, straight from the pages of a horror novel. "I hope you enjoy disappointment."

We scowled at each other. It was odd how endearing his anger was. Like a furious kitten, soft and harmless, and so unaware of his own vulnerability.

He flushed pink and ground his teeth together again. "Why did you even bother?"

His question wasn't one that I was expecting or prepared to answer. I lost my hold on the role I was playing. I felt the mask slip from my face, and I told him - this one time - the truth.

"I don't know."

I memorized his face one last time - it was set in lines of anger, the blood not yet faded from his cheeks - and then I turned and walked away from him.

.

. . .

.


	4. Visions

I went back to school. This was the right thing to do, the most inconspicuous way to behave.

By the end of the day, almost all the other students had returned to class, too. Just Kenji and Masato and a few others - who were probably using the accident as a chance to ditch - remained absent.

It shouldn't be so hard for me to do the right thing. But, all afternoon, I was gritting my teeth against the urge that had me yearning to ditch, too - in order to go find the boy again.

Like a stalker. An obsessed stalker. An obsessed, vampire stalker.

School today was - somehow, impossibly - even more boring than it had seemed just a week ago. Coma-like. It was as if the color had drained from the bricks, the trees, the sky, the faces around me... I stared at the cracks in the walls.

There was another right thing I should be doing... that I was not. Of course, it was also a wrong thing. It all depended on the perspective from which you viewed it.

From the perspective of one of us - not just a vampire, but _us,_ someone who belonged to a family, such a rare state in our world - the right thing to do would have gone something like this:

 _"I'm surprised to see you in class, Tokiya. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning."_

 _"Yes, I was, Mr. Tanaka, but I was the lucky one." A friendly smile. "I didn't get hurt at all... I wish I could say the same for Kenji and Masato."_

 _"How are they?"_

 _"I think Kenji is fine... just some superficial scrapes from the windshield glass. I'm not sure about Masato, though." A worried frown. "He might have a concussion. I heard he was pretty incoherent for a while - seeing things even. I know the doctors were worried..."_

That's how it should've gone. That's what I owed my family.

"I'm surprised to see you in class, Tokiya. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning."

"I wasn't hurt." No smile.

Mr. Tanaka shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable.

"Do you have any idea how Kenji Yamada and Masato Hijirikawa are? I heard there were some injuries..."

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know." Cold. No trace of compassion or sympathy in my words.

Mr. Tanaka cleared his throat. "Er, right..." he said, my cold stare making his voice sound a bit strained.

He walked quickly back to the front of classroom and began his lecture on roman numeral analysis.

It was the wrong thing to do. Unless you looked at it from a more obscure point of view.

It just seemed so... so _unchivalrous_ to slander the boy behind his back, especially when he was proving more trustworthy than I could have dreamed. He hadn't said anything to betray me, despite having good reason to do so. Would I betray him when he had done nothing but keep my secret?

I had a nearly identical conversation with Mrs. Giuliani - just in Italian rather than English - and Syo gave me a long look.

 _I hope you have a good explanation for what happened today. Ai is on the warpath._

I rolled my eyes without looking at him.

I actually had come up with a perfectly sound explanation. Just suppose I _hadn't_ done anything to stop the van from crushing the boy... I recoiled from that thought. But if he _had_ been hit, if he'd been mangled and bleeding, the red fluid spilling, wasting on the blacktop, the scent of the fresh blood pulsing through the air...

I shuddered again, but not just in horror. Part of me shivered in desire. No, I would not have been able to watch him bleed without exposing us all in a much more flagrant and shocking way.

It was a perfectly sound excuse... but I wouldn't use it. It was too shameful.

And I hadn't thought of it until long after the fact, regardless.

 _Look out for Natsuki,_ Syo went on, oblivious to my reverie. _He's ready to tackle you in a hug for saving him. I'd be more scared of that if I was you. He's more gungho about why you did it. Y'know..._

I saw what he meant, and for a moment the room swam around me. My rage was so all-consuming that a red haze clouded my vision. I thought I would choke on it.

 _SHEESH, TOKIYA! GET A GRIP!_ Syo shouted at me in his head. His hand came down on my shoulder, holding me in my seat before I could jump to my feet. He rarely used his full strength - there was rarely a need, for he was so much stronger than any vampire any of us had ever encountered - but he used it now. It was almost laughable considering his size, but most of those jokes were used up when he first joined us. None of them came to mind now.

He gripped my arm, rather than pushing me down, knowing how much more effective it would be. The other reason being that if he'd been pushing me down, the chair under me would have collapsed.

 _EASY!_ He ordered.

I tried to calm myself, but it was hard. The rage burned in my head.

 _Natsuki's not gonna do anything until we all talk. I just thought you should know the direction he's headed._

I concentrated on relaxing, and I felt Syo's hand loosen.

 _Try not to make more of a spectacle of yourself. You're in enough trouble as it is._

I took a deep breath and Syo released me.

I searched around the room routinely, but our confrontation had been so short and silent that only a few people sitting behind Syo had even noticed. None of them knew what to make of it, and they shrugged it off. We were freaks - everyone knew that already.

 _Damn, dude, you're a mess,_ Syo added, sympathy in his tone.

"Bite me," I muttered under my breath, and I heard his low chuckle.

Syo didn't hold grudges, and I probably ought to be more grateful for his easy-going nature. But I could see that Natsuki's intentions made sense to Syo, that he was considering how it might be the best course of action.

The rage simmered, barely under control. Yes, Syo was stronger than I was, but he'd yet to beat me in a wrestling match. He claimed that this was because I cheated, but hearing thoughts was just as much a part of who I was as his immense strength was a part of him. We were evenly matched in a fight.

A fight? Was that where this was headed? Was I going to fight with my _family_ over a human I barely knew?

I thought about that for a moment, thought about the fragile feel of the boy's body in my arms in juxtaposition with Natsuki, Ai, and Syo - supernaturally strong and fast, killing machines...

Yes, I would fight for him. Against my family. I shuddered.

But it wasn't fair to leave him undefended when I was the one who'd put him in danger.

I couldn't win alone, though, not against the three of them, and I wondered who my allies would be.

Ryuya, certainly. He would not fight alone, but he would be wholly against Ai's and Natsuki's designs. That might be all I needed. I would see...

Ringo, doubtful. He would not side against me either, and he would hate to disagree with Ryuya, but he hated our banter the most. Despite that, I knew for a fact that his first priority would not be rightness, but me. If Ryuya was the mind of the family, the soul, then Ringo was the heart. Ringo knew when matters couldn't be solved using one's mind, that the heart was what was needed. Ryuya was more ruthless when it came to that, and let Ringo take over.

We all loved each other - in some odd way - even under the fury I felt toward Natsuki and Ai right now, even planning to fight them to save the boy, I knew that I loved them.

Haruka... I had no idea. It would probably depend on what she saw coming. She would side with the winner, I imagined. I hoped that she would side with me regardless.

So, I would have to do this without help. I wasn't a match for them alone, but I wasn't going to let the boy be hurt because of me. That might mean evasive action...

My rage dulled a bit with the sudden, black humor. I could imagine how the boy would react to my kidnapping him. Of course, I rarely guessed his reactions right - but what other reaction could he have besides terror?

I wasn't sure how to manage that, though - kidnapping him. I wouldn't be able to stand being close to him for very long. Perhaps i would just deliver him back to his father. Even that much would be fraught with danger. For him.

And also for me, I realized suddenly. If I were to kill him by accident... I wasn't certain exactly how much pain that would cause me, but I knew it would be multifaceted and intense.

The time passed quickly while I mulled over all the complications ahead of me: the argument waiting for me at home, the conflict with my family, the lengths I might be forced to go to afterward...

Well, I couldn't complain that life _outside_ this school was monotonous any more. The boy had changed that much.

Syo and I walked silently to the car when the bell rang. He was worrying about me, and worrying about Ai. He knew whose side he would have to choose in a quarrel, and it bothered him.

The others were waiting for us in the car, also silent. We were a very quiet group. Only I could hear the shouting.

 _Idiot. You have no idea what an irresponsible fool you've made yourself. Have you even thought of the statistics? How many things could change because of your actions? You didn't think at all._ Ai kept up a constant stream of berating as loudly as he could muster without it being yelling. It made it hard to hear the others, but I ignored him as best I could.

Syo was right about Natsuki. He was sure of his course.

Haruka was troubled, worrying about Natsuki, flipping through images of the future. No matter which direction Natsuki came at the boy, Haruka always saw me there, blocking him. Interesting... neither Ai nor Syo was with him in these visions. So Natsuki planned to work alone. That would even things up.

Natsuki was the best, certainly the most experienced fighter among us - not that he entirely knew that himself. I could only predict what _Natsuki_ was going to do. His other personality, Satsuki, was more brash and bold. We hardly ever dealt with Satsuki. Only if the situation called for it, then we saw him. Satsuki was a controlled monster. As controlled as he could be at least.

I had never fought more than playfully with Syo or Natsuki - just messing around. I felt sick at the thought of really trying to hurt Natsuki, even if he was Satsuki...

No, not that. Just to block him. That was all.

I concentrated on Haruka, memorizing Natsuki's different avenues of attack.

As I did that, her visions shifted, moving further and further away from the Hijirikawa's house. I was cutting him off earlier...

 _Stop that, Tokiya! It can't happen this way. I won't let it._

I didn't answer her, I just kept watching.

She was the peacekeeper among us. Not one harmful thought ever crossed her mind.

She began searching farther ahead, into the misty, unsure realm of distant possibilities. Everything was shadowy and vague.

The entire way home, the charged silence did not lift. I parked in the big garage off the house; Ryuya's BMW was there, next to Syo's giant Hummer, Ai's Tesla and my Maranello. I was glad Ryuya was already home - this silence would end explosively, and I wanted him there when that happened.

We went straight to the dining room.

The room was, of course, never used for its intended purpose. But it was furnished with a long oval mahogany table surrounded by chairs - we were scrupulous about having all the correct props in place. Ryuya liked to use it as a conference room. In a group with such strong and disparate personalities, sometimes it was necessary to discuss things in a calm, seated manner.

I had a feeling that the setting was not going to help much today.

Ryuya sat in his usual seat at the eastern head of the room. Ringo was beside him, clinging to his arm as he scanned the rest of the room with set eyes.

He stopped and kept them on me after a moment, his bright blue eyes full of concern.

 _Stay._ It was his only thought.

I wished I could smile at the man who was seemed like a motherly figure to me, but I had no reassurances for him now.

I sat on Ryuya's other side. Ringo reached around him to put his free hand on my shoulder. He had no idea of what was about to start; he was just worrying about me.

Ryuya had a better sense of what was coming. His lips were pressed tightly together and his forehead was creased. The expression looked too old for his young face.

As everyone else sat, I could see the lines being drawn.

Ai sat directly across from Ryuya, on the other end of the long table. He glared at me, never turning his cold and calculating stare away.

Syo sat beside him, his face and thoughts both wry.

Natsuki hesitated, and then went to stand against the wall behind Ai. He was decided, regardless of the outcome of this discussion. My teeth locked together.

Haruka was the last to come in, and her eyes were focused on something far away - the future, still too indistinct for her to make use of it. Without seeming to think about it, she sat next to Ringo. She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. Natsuki twitched uneasily and considered joining her, but he kept his place.

I took a deep breath. I had started this - I should speak first.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking first at Ai, then Natsuki and then Syo. "I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty action."

Ai glared at me balefully. "What do you mean, 'take full responsibility'? Are you going to fix it?"

"Not the way you mean," I said, working to keep my voice even and quiet. "I'm willing to leave now, if that makes things better." _If I believe the boy will be safe, if I believe that none of you will touch him,_ I amended in my head.

"No," Ringo murmured. "No, Tokiya."

I patted his hand. "It's just a few years."

"Ringo's right, though," Syo said. "You can't go anywhere now. That would be the _opposite_ of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever."

"Haruka will catch anything major," I disagreed.

Ryuya shook his head. "I think Syo is right, Tokiya. The boy will be more likely to talk if you disappear. It's all of us leave, or none of us."

"He won't say anything," I insisted quickly. Ai was building up to the explosion, and I wanted this fact out there first.

"You don't know his mind," Ryuya reminded me.

"I know this much. Haruka, back me up."

Haruka stared up at me wearily. "I can't see what will happen if we just ignore this." She glanced at Ai and Natsuki.

No, she couldn't see that future - not when Ai and Natsuki were so decided against ignoring the incident.

Ai's palm smacked down on the table with a loud bang. "We can't allow the human a chance to say anything. Ryuya, you _must_ see that. Even if we decided to all disappear, it's not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind - you know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be more careful than anyone else." Ai's glared narrowed further.

"We've left rumors behind us before," I reminded him.

"Just rumors and suspicions, Tokiya. Not eyewitnesses and evidence."

"Evidence," I scoffed.

But Natsuki was nodding, his eyes hard despite his discomfort of having to keep them like that. It was an obvious discomfort.

"Ai-" Ryuya began.

"Let me finish, Ryuya. It doesn't have to be any big production. The boy hit his head today. So maybe that injury turns out to be more serious than it looked." Ai leaned back in his seat with both arms crossed. "Every mortal goes to sleep with the chance of never waking up. The others would expect us to clean up after ourselves. Technically, that would make it Tokiya's job, but this is obviously beyond him. You know I'm more than capable of control. I would leave no evidence behind me."

"Yes, Ai, we all know how proficient of an assassin you are," I snarled.

He hissed at me, furious.

"Tokiya, please," Ryuya said said. Then he turned to Ai. "Ai, I looked the other way in Chauvigny because I felt that you were owed your justice. The men you killed had wronged you monstrously. This is not the same situation. The Hijirikawa boy is an innocent."

"It's not personal, Ryuya," Ai said through his teeth. "It's to protect us all."

There was a brief moment of silence while Ryuya thought through his answer.

When he nodded, Ai's eyes lit up. Ai should have known better. Even if I hadn't been able to read his thoughts, I could have predicted his next words. Ryuya never compromised.

"I know you mean well, Ai, but... I'd like very much for our family to be _worth_ protecting. The occasional... accident or lapse in control is a regrettable part of who we are." It was very much like him to include himself in the plural, though he had never had such a lapse himself. "To murder a blameless child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk he presents, whether he speaks his suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk something much more important. We risk losing the essence of who we are."

I controlled my expression very carefully. It wouldn't do at all to grin now of all times. Or to applaud, as I wished I could.

Ai scowled. "It's just being responsible."

"It's being callous," Ryuya corrected gently. "Every life is precious."

Ai sighed heavily and his lower lip almost jutted out in a pout. Syo patted his shoulder. "It'll be fine, Ai," he encouraged in a low voice.

"The question," Ryuya continued, "is whether we should move on?"

"No," Ai said sternly, refusing any other answer. "We just got settled. I don't want to start on my sophomore year in high school again. Music schools aren't going to accept us after the first semester."

"You could keep your present age, of course," Ryuya said.

"And have to move again that much sooner?" he countered.

Ryuya shrugged.

"I _like_ it here. There's so little sun, we get to be almost _normal_. It would be optimal for us to stay where we are."

It was rare for Ai to voice an opinion on where we stayed, so it made his words that much truer. Not that I actually cared.

"Well, we certainly don't have to decide now. We can wait and see if it becomes necessary. Tokiya seems certain of the Hijirikawa boy's silence."

Ai huffed in annoyance.

But I was no longer worried about Ai. I could see that he would go along with Ryuya's decision, no matter how infuriated he was with me. Their conversation had moved on to unimportant details.

Natsuki remained unmoved.

I understood why. Before he and Haruka had met, he'd lived in a combat zone, a relentless theater of war. Despite how happy he was all the time, we all knew what it had done to him. He knew the consequences of flouting the rules - he'd seen the grisly aftermath with his own eyes. He was holding himself aloof from this discussion - above it.

"Natsuki," I said.

He met my gaze, his face expressionless.

"He won't pay for my mistake. I won't allow that."

"He benefits from it, then? He should have died today, Tokiya. I would only set that right."

I repeated myself, emphasizing each word. "I will not allow it."

His eyebrows shot up. He wasn't expecting this - he hadn't imagined that I would act to stop him.

He shook his head once. "I won't let Haruka live in danger, even a slight danger. You don't feel about anyone the way I feel about her, Tokiya, and you haven't lived through what I've lived through, whether you've seen my memories or not. You don't understand." Natsuki was hurting himself with his own words.

"I'm not disputing that, Natsuki. But I'm telling you now, I won't allow you to hurt Masato Hijirikawa."

We stared at each other - not glaring, but measuring the opposition. I felt him sample the mood around me, testing my determination.

"Natsu," Haruka said, interrupting us.

He held my gaze for a moment more, and then looked at her. "Don't bother telling me you can protect yourself, Haruka. I already know that. I've still got to-"

"That's not what I was going to say," Haruka interrupted. "I was going to ask you for a favor."

I saw what was on her mind, and my mouth fell open with an audible gasp. I stared at her, shocked, only vaguely aware that everyone besides Haruka and Natsuki was now eyeing me warily.

"I know you love me, and I can't thank you enough for that. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't try to kill Masato. First of all, Tokiya's serious and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly. he's my friend. At least, he's _going_ to be." She beamed as she spoke the last part.

It was clear as glass in her head; Haruka, smiling, with her icy white arms folded in front of her as she spoke on friendly terms with the boy, a kind smile across his lips in return.

The vision was rock solid; only the timing of it was unsure.

"But... Haruka..." Natsuki gasped. I couldn't manage to turn my head to see his expression. I couldn't tear myself away from the image in Haruka's head in order to hear his.

"I'm going to become very good friends with him someday, Natsu. I'll be very put out with you if you don't let him be." She pouted at him.

I was still locked into Haruka's thoughts. I saw the future shimmer as Natsuki's resolve floundered in the face of her unexpected request.

"Ah," she sighed - his indecision had cleared a new future. "See? Masato's not going to say anything. There's nothing to worry about."

The way she said the boy's name... like they were already close confidants...

"Haruka," I choked. "What... does this...?"

"I told you there was a change coming. I don't know, Tokiya." But she locked her jaw, and I could see that there was more. She was trying not to think about it; she was focusing very hard on Natsuki suddenly, though he was too stunned to have progressed much in his decision making.

She did this sometimes when she was trying to keep something from me.

"What, Haruka? What are you hiding?"

I heard Syo grumble. He always got frustrated when Haruka and I had these kinds of conversations.

She shook her head, trying to not let me in.

"Is it about the boy?" I demanded. "Is it about Masato?"

She had her teeth gritted in concentration, but when I spoke Masato's name, she slipped. Her slip only lasted the tiniest portion of a second, but that was long enough.

"NO!" I shouted. I heard my chair hit the floor, and only then realized I was on my feet.

"Tokiya!" Ryuya was on his feet, too, his arm on my shoulder. I was barely aware of him.

"It's solidifying," Haruka whispered. "Every minute you're more decided. There're really only two ways left for him. It's one or the other, Tokiya."

I could see what she saw... but I could not accept it.

"No," I said again; there was no volume to my denial. My legs felt hollow, and I had to brace myself against the table.

"Will somebody _please_ let the rest of us in on the mystery?" Syo complained.

"I have to leave," I whispered to Haruka, ignoring him.

"Tokiya, we've already been over that," Syo said loudly. "That's the best way to start the boy talking. Besides, if you take off, we won't know for sure if he's talking or not. You have to stay and deal with this."

"I don't see you going anywhere, Tokiya," Haruka told me. "I don't know if you _can_ leave anymore." _Think about it_ , she added silently. _Think about leaving._

I saw what she meant. Yes, the idea of never seeing the boy again was... painful. But it was also necessary. I couldn't sanction either future I'd apparently condemned him to.

 _I'm not entirely sure of Natsuki, Tokiya,_ Haruka went on. _If you leave, if he thinks the boy is a danger to us..._

"I don't hear that," I contradicted her, still only halfway aware of our audience. Natsuki was wavering. He would not do something that would hurt Haruka.

 _Not right this moment. Will you risk his life, leave him undefended?_

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned. My head fell into my hands.

I was not Masato's protector. I could not be that. Wasn't Haruka's divided future enough proof of that?

 _I love him, too. Or I will. It's not the same, but I want him around for that._

"Love him, _too_?" I whispered, incredulous.

She sighed happily. _You are so blind, Tokiya. Can't you see where you're headed? Can't you see where you already are? It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east. See what I see..._

I shook my head, horrified. "No." I tried to shut out the visions she revealed to me. "I don't have to follow that course. I'll leave. I _will_ change the future."

"You can try," she said, her voice skeptical.

"Oh, _come on_!" Syo bellowed.

"Pay attention," Ai hissed at him. "Haruka sees him falling for a _human_. How classically Tokiya." He all but snarled in a mocking tone.

I scarcely heard him.

"What?" Syo said, startled. Then his booming laugh echoed through the room. "Is that what's been going on?" He laughed again. "Tough break, Tokiya."

I felt his hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off absently. I couldn't pay attention to him.

" _Fall_ for a human?" Ringo repeated in a stunned voice. "For the boy he saved today? Fall in _love_ with him?"

"What did you see, Haruka? Exactly," Natsuki demanded.

She turned toward him; I continued to stare numbly at the side of her face.

"It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. Either he'll kill the boy himself" - she turned to meet my gaze again, glaring - "which would _really_ make me upset, Tokiya, not to mention what it would do to _you-_ " she face Natsuki again, "or he'll be one of us someday."

Someone gasped; I didn't look to see who.

"That's not going to happen!" I was shouting again. "Either one!"

Haruka didn't seem to hear me. "It all depends," she repeated. "He may be just strong enough not to kill him - but it will be close. It will take an amazing amount of control," she mused. "More even than Ryuya has. he may be _just_ strong enough... The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from him. That's a lost cause."

I couldn't find my voice. No one else seemed to be able to either. The room was still.

I stared at Haruka, and everyone else stared at me. I could see my own horrified expression from five different viewpoints.

After a long moment, Ryuya sighed.

"Well, this... complicates things."

"I'll say," Syo agreed. His voice was still close to laughter. Trust Syo to find the joke in the destruction of my life.

"I suppose the plans remain the same, though," Ryuya said thoughtfully. "We'll stay and watch. Obviously, no one will... hurt the boy."

I stiffened.

"No," Natsuki said quietly. "I can agree to that. If Haruka sees only two ways-"

"No!" My voice was not a shout of a growl or a cry of despair, but some combination of the three. "No!"

I had to leave, to be away from the noise of their thoughts - Ai's self-righteous disgust, Syo's humor, Ryuya's never-ending patience...

Worse: Haruka's confidence. Natsuki's confidence in that confidence.

Worst of all: Ringo's... _joy._

I stalked out of the room. Ringo touched my arm as I passed, but I didn't acknowledge the gesture.

I was running before I was out of the house. I cleared the river in one bound and raced into the forest that lined the bottom of a mountain. The rain was back again, falling so heavily that I was drenched in a few moments. I liked the thick sheet of water - it made a wall between me and the rest of the world. It closed me in, let me be alone.

I ran due east, around the mountains without breaking my straight course, until I could see the lights of Sapporo. I stopped before I touched the borders of human civilization.

Shut in by the rain, all alone, I finally made myself look at what I had done - at the way I had mutilated the future.

First, the vision of Haruka and the boy talking like they've known each other for years - the trust and friendship was so obvious it shouted from the image. Masato's wide ocean eyes were not bewildered in this vision, but still full of secrets - in this moment, they seemed to be happy secrets.

What did it mean? How much did he know? In that still-life moment from the future, what did he think of _me_?

Then the other image, so much the same, yet now colored by horror. Haruka and Masato were still talking like true friends would. But now there was not many differences between their appearances. Masato was much paler than he was now, hard as steel, smooth as marble. Masato's eyes were no longer bright blue. The irises were a shocking, dark as night, black. Black that meant he was new to a world I didn't want him to ever see. _My_ world. The secrets in his eyes were unfathomable - acceptance or desolation? It was impossible to tell. His face was cold and immortal.

I shuddered. I could not suppress the questions, similar, but different: What did that mean - how had this come about? And what did he think of me now?

I could answer the last one. If I forced him into this empty half-life through my weakness and selfishness, surely he would hate me.

But there was one more horrifying image - worse than any image I'd ever held inside my head.

My own eyes, black with human blood, the eyes of the monster. Masato's broken body in my arms, ashy white, drained, lifeless. It was so concrete, so clear.

I couldn't stand to see this. Could not bear it. I tried to banish it from my mind, tried to see something else, anything else. Tried to see again the expression on his living face that had obstructed my view for the last chapter of my existence. All to no avail.

Haruka's bleak vision filled my head, and I writhed internally with the agony it caused. Meanwhile, the monster in me was overflowing with glee, jubilant at the likelihood of his success. It sickened me.

This could not be allowed. There had to be a way to circumvent the future. I would not let Haruka's visions direct me. I could choose a different path. There was always a choice.

There had to be.

.

. . .

.


	5. Invitations

Saotome Academy. Purgatory no longer, it was now purely hell. Torment and fire... yes, I had both.

I was doing everything correctly now. Every "i" dotted, every "t" crossed. No one could complain that I was shirking my responsibilities.

To please Ringo and the others, I stayed in Utashinai. I returned to my old schedule. I hunted no more than the rest of them. Everyday, I attended Saotome and played human. Everyday, I listened carefully for anything new about us - there was never anything new. The boy did not speak one word of his suspicions. He just repeated the same story again and again - I'd been standing with him and then pulled him out of the way - till his eager listeners got bored and stopped looking for more details. There was no danger. My hasty action had hurt no one.

No one but myself.

i was determined to change the future. Not the easiest task to set for oneself, but there was no other choice that I could live with.

Haruka said that I would not be strong enough to stay away from the boy. I would prove her wrong.

I'd thought the first day would be the hardest. By the end of it, I'd been _sure_ that was the case. I'd been wrong, though.

It had rankled, knowing that I would hurt the boy. i'd comforted myself with the fact that his pain would be nothing more than a pinprick - just a tiny sting of rejection - compared to mine. Masato was human, and he knew that I was something else, something wrong, something frightening. He would probably be more relieved than wounded when I turned my face away from him and pretended that he didn't exist.

"Hello, Tokiya," he'd greeted me, that first day back in music theory. His voice had been pleasant, friendly, one hundred and eighty degrees from the last time I'd spoken with him.

Why? What did the change mean? Had he forgotten? Decided he had imagined the whole episode? Could he possibly have forgiven e for not following through on my promise?

The questions had burned like the thirst that attacked me every time I breathed.

Just one moment to look in his eyes. Just to see if I could read the answers there...

No. I could not allow myself even that. Not if I was going to change the future.

I'd moved my chin an inch in his direction without looking away from the front of the room. I'd nodded once, and then turned my face straight forward.

He did not speak to me again.

That afternoon, as soon as classes were let out and private lessons began, my role played, I ran to Sapporo as I had the day before. It seemed that I could handle the aching just slightly better when I was flying over the ground, turning everything around me into a green blur.

This run had become my daily habit.

Did I love him? I did not think so. Not yet. Haruka's glimpses of that future had stuck with me, though, and I could see how easy it would be to fall into loving Masato. It would be exactly like falling: effortless. Not letting myself love him was the opposite of falling - it was pulling myself up a cliff-face, hand over hand, the task as grueling as if I had no more mortal strength.

More than a month pass, and every day it got harder. That made no sense to me - I kept waiting to get over it, to have it get easier. This must be what Haruka had meant when she'd predicted that I would not be able to stay away from the boy. She had seen the escalation of the pain. But I could handle pain.

i would not destroy Masato's future. If I was destined to love him, then wasn't avoiding him the very least I could do?

Avoiding him was about the limit of what I could bear, though. I could pretend to ignore him, and never look his way. I could pretend that he was of no interest to me.

But that was the extent, just pretense and not reality.

I still hung on every breath he took, every word he said.

I lumped my torments into four categories.

The first two were familiar. His scent and his silence. Or, rather - to take the responsibility on myself where it belonged - my thirst and my curiosity,

The thirst was the most primal of my torments. It was my habit now to simply not breathe at all in music theory. Of course, there were always the exceptions - when I had to answer a question or something of the sort, and I would need my breath to speak. Each time I tasted the air around the boy, it was the same as the first day - fire and need and brutal violence desperate to break free. It was hard to cling even slightly to reason or restraint in those moments. And, just like that first day, the monster in me would roar, so close to the surface...

The curiosity was the most constant of my torments. The question was never out of my mind: _What is he thinking now?_ When Iheard him quietly sigh. When he played with his bangs absentmindedly. When he threw his books down with more force than usual. On the rare occasion when he rushed to class late. When he sat rigidly like I was. When he tapped his foot impatiently against the floor before sliding into a certain rhythm only to fall out of it again. Each movement caught in my peripheral vision was a maddening mystery. When he spoke to the other human students, I analyzed his every word and tone. Was he speaking his thoughts, or what he thought he should say? It often sounded to me like he was trying to say what his audience expected, and this reminded me of my family and our daily life of illusion - we were better at it than he was. Unless I was wrong about that, just imagining things. Why would he have to play a role? He was one of them - a human teenager.

Otoya Ittoki was the most surprising of my torments. Who would have ever dreamed that such a generic, boring mortal could be so infuriating? To be fair, I should have felt some gratitude to the annoying boy: more than the others, he kept the boy talking. I learned so much about him through these conversations - I was still compiling my list - but, contrarily, Otoya's assistance with this project only aggravated me more. I didn't want Otoya to be the one that unlocked his secrets. I wanted to do that.

It helped that he never noticed his small revelations, his little slips. He knew nothing about the boy. He'd created a Masato in his head that didn't exist - a boy just as generic as he was himself. He hadn't observed the unselfishness and bravery that set him apart from other humans, he didn't hear the abnormal maturity of his spoken thoughts. He didn't perceive that when he spoke of his father, he grew uncomfortable and his answers were always curt. He didn't hear the patience in his voice when he feigned interest in his rambling stories, and didn't guess at the kindness behind that patience.

Through his conversations with Otoya, I was able to add the most important quality to my list, the most revealing of them all, as simple as it was rare. Masato was _good._ All the other things added up to that whole - kind and self-effacing and unselfish and loving and brave - he was good through and through.

These helpful discoveries did not warm me to the annoyance that was Otoya, however. The over-friendly way he viewed Masato - as if they knew every secret of the other - provoked me almost as much as his imagination about 'a friendship that would last forever'. He was becoming more confident every time they spoke, and even seemed to develop a liking to him. He believed that because they talked so much, Masato preferred Otoya over his rivals - Kenji Yamada, Kim Watanabe, and even, sporadically, myself. He would routinely sit on his side of our table before class began, chattering at him, encouraged by his smiles. Just polite smiles, I told myself. All the same, I frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall... It probably wouldn't injure him fatally...

Otoya didn't often think of me as a rival. After the accident, he'd worried that Masato and I would bond from the shared experience, but obviously the opposite had resulted. Back then, he had still been bothered that I'd singled Masato out over his peers for attention. But now I ignored him just as thoroughly as everyone else, and Otoya grew confused by my actions. Yet he welcomed the sudden change.

What was he thinking now? Did Masato welcome his attention?

And, finally, the last of my torments, the most painful: Masato's indifference. As I ignored him, he ignored me. He never tried to speak to me again. For all I knew, he never thought about me at all.

This might have driven me mad - or even broken my resolution to change the future - except that he sometimes stared at me like he had before. I didn't see it for myself, as I could not allow myself to look at him, but Haruka always warned us when he was about to stare; the others were still wary of the boy's problematic knowledge.

It eased some of the pain that he gazed at me from across a distance, every now and then. Of course, he could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was.

"Masato's going to stare at Tokiya in a minute. Look normal," Haruka said one Tuesday in March, and the others were careful to fidget and shift their weight like humans; absolute stillness was a marker of our kind.

I paid attention to how often he looked in my direction. It pleased me, though it should not, that the frequency did not decline as the time passed. I didn't know what it meant, but it made me feel better.

Haruka sighed. _I wish..._

"Stay out of it, Haruka," I said under my breath. "It's not going to happen."

She pouted. Haruka was anxious to form her envisioned friendship with Masato. In a strange way, she missed the boy she didn't know.

 _I'll admit, you're better than I thought. You've got the future all snarled up and senseless again. I hope you're happy._ The last comment was both snarky and genuine.

"It makes plenty of sense to me."

Her eyebrows creased in concern.

I tried to shut her out, too impatient for conversation. I wasn't in a very good mood - tenser than I let any of them see. Only Natsuki was aware of how tightly wound I was, feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense and influence the moods of others. He didn't understand the reasons behind the moods, though, and - since I was constantly in a foul mood these days - he disregarded it.

Today would be a hard one. Harder than the day before, as was the pattern.

Otoya Ittoki, the oblivious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival, was going to ask Masato on a "not-date". According to him, it would just be the two of them hanging out, but he had built it up so much that it just seemed like he was trying to convince himself it wasn't one.

Saotome Academy was holding a dance, and he hoped - not that he entirely knew himself - that Masato would ask him to go. That he had not done so had rattled the very little confidence he had. Now he was in an uncomfortable bind - I enjoyed his discomfort more than I should - because Saki Nakamura had just asked him to go with her. He didn't want to say "yes," still hopeful that Masato would choose him (and prove him the victor over his rivals), but he didn't want to say "no" and end up missing the dance altogether. Saki, hurt by his hesitation and guessing the reason behind it, was thinking daggers at Masato. I understood the instinct better now, but that only made it more frustrating when I could not act on it.

To think it had come to this! I was utterly fixated on the petty high school drama that I'd once held so in contempt.

Otoya was working up his nerve as he walked with Masato to music theory. I listened to his struggles as I waited for them to arrive, The boy was weak. He had waited for this dance purposely, afraid to make a choice beforehand. He didn't want to ruin their friendship, preferring that he make that leap first.

Coward.

He sat down on our table again, comfortable with long familiarity, and I imagined the sound it would make if his body hit the opposite wall with enough force to break most of his bones...

"So," he said to the boy, his eyes on the floor. "Saki asked me to the spring dance."

"That's great," Masato answered immediately and with a smile, yet not looking up from the sheet music before him that he was writing. It was hard not to smirk as Otoya took in his response. He'd been hoping for dismay. "You'll have a lot of fun with Saki."

Otoya scrambled for the right response. "Well..." he hesitated, biting on the inside of his lip ready to chicken out. Then he rallied. "I told her I had to think about it." He grinned sheepishly at Masato.

"Why would you do that?" he demanded. His tone was one of disapproval, but there was the faintest hint of relief there as well.

What did _that_ mean? An unexpected, intense fury made my hands clench into fists.

Otoya did not hear the relief. His face was just as red as his hair, and he looked at the floor again as he spoke.

"I was wondering if... well, if maybe you wanted to go... together... with me..."

Masato paused halfway through writing a note, hesitating to answer.

In that moment of his hesitation, I saw the future more clearly than Haruka ever had.

The boy might say yes to Otoya's unspoken question now, and he might not, but either way, someday soon, he would say yes to someone, or rather ask someone himself. He was lovely and intriguing and humans were not oblivious to this fact. Whether he would settle for someone in this lackluster crowd, or wait until he was free from Utashinai, the day would come when he would settle down.

I saw his life as I had before - graduate from this academy, start up a career... love, marriage. I saw him in at the altar again, dressed to the nines, his face flushed with happiness as he watched the love of his life walking towards him to the sound of Wagner's march.

The pain was more than anything I'd felt before. A human would have to be on the point of death to feel this pain - a human would not live through it.

And not just pain, but outright _rage_.

The fury ached for some kind of physical outlet. Though this insignificant, undeserving boy might not be the one that Masato would say yes to, I yearned to crush his skull in my hand, to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be.

I didn't understand this emotion - it was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire and despair. I had never felt it before; I couldn't put a name to it.

"Otoya, you should tell her yes, and then apologize," Masato began writing again, stiffer than he was at the start of their conversation.

Otoya's hopes plummeted. I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances, but I was lost in the aftershock of the pain - and the remorse for what the pain and rage had done to me.

Haruka was right. I was _not_ strong enough.

Right now, Haruka would be watching the future spin and twist, become mangled again. Would this please her?

"Did you already ask someone?" Otoya asked sullenly. He glanced at me, suspicious for the first time in many weeks. I realized i had betrayed my interest; my head was inclined in Masato's direction.

The wild envy in Otoya's thoughts - envy for whoever this boy preferred to him - suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion.

I was jealous.

"No," the boy said with a trace of humor in his voice. "I'm not going to the dance at all."

Through all the remorse and anger, I felt relief at his words. Suddenly, I was considering _my_ rivals.

"Why not?" Otoya asked, his tone as curious as always. His curiosity offended me for some unknown reason. To my surprise, I had to bite back a growl.

"I'm going to Sapporo that Saturday," he answered.

The curiosity was not as vicious as it would have been before - now that I was fully intending to find out the answers to everything. I would know the wheres and the whys of this new revelation soon enough.

Otoya's tone turned unpleasantly wheedling. "Can't you go some other weekend?"

"I am very sorry, but I cannot," Masato was brusquer now. "So you shouldn't make Saki wait any longer. Apologize and accept."

His concern for Saki's feelings fanned the flames of my jealousy. This Sapporo trip was clearly an excuse to say no - did he refuse purely out of loyalty to his friend? He was more than selfless enough for that. Did he actually wish he could say yes? Or were both guesses wrong? Was he interested in someone else?

"Yeah, you're right," Otoya mumbled, so demoralized that I almost felt pity for him. Almost.

He dropped his eyes from the boy, cutting off my view of Masato's face in his thoughts.

I wasn't going to tolerate that.

I turned to read his face myself, for the first time in more than a month. It was a sharp relief to allow myself this, like a gasp of air to long-submerge human lungs.

His eyes were closed, and his hands pressed against the sides of his face. His shoulders curved inward defensively. He shook his head ever so slightly, as if he were trying to push some thought from his mind.

Frustrating. Fascinating.

Mr. Tanaka's voice pulled him from his reverie, and his eyes slowly opened. He looked at me immediately, perhaps sensing my gaze. He stared up into my eyes with the same bewildered expression that had haunted me for so long.

I didn't feel the remorse or the guilt or the rage in that second. I knew they would come again, and come soon, but for this one moment I rode a strange, jittery high. As if I had triumphed, rather than lost.

He didn't look away, though, as I stared with inappropriate intensity, trying to vainly to read his thoughts through his ocean blue eyes. They were full of questions, rather than answers.

I could see the reflection of my own eyes, and I saw they were dulled to a crystal blue with thirst. It had been nearly two weeks since my last hunting trip; this was not the safest day for my will to crumble. But the odd color of them did not seem to frighten him. He still did not look away, and a soft, devastatingly appealing pink began to color his skin.

 _What was he thinking now?_

I almost asked the question aloud, but at that moment Mr. Tanaka called my name. I picked the correct answer out of his head while I glanced briefly in his direction.

I sucked in a quick breath. "The acoustics of pitch systems."

Thirst scorched down my throat - tightening my muscles and filling my mouth with venom - and I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate through the desire for his blood that raged inside me.

The monster was stronger than before. The monster was rejoicing. He embraced this dual future that gave him an even, fifty-fifty chance at what he craved so viciously. The third, shaky future I'd tried to construct through willpower alone had crumbled - destroyed by common jealousy, of all things - and he was so much closer to his goal.

The remorse and guilt burned with the thirst, and, if I'd had the ability to produce tears, they would have filled my eyes now.

What had I done?

Knowing the battle was already lost, there seemed to be no reason to resist what I wanted: I turned to stare at the boy again.

He had hidden in his hair, but I could see through the parting in the tresses that his cheek was deep crimson now.

The monster liked that.

He did not meet my gaze again, but he blew his bangs out of his eyes nervously, stirring his scent in my direction as if taunting the monster in me. His delicate fingers, his fragile wrist - they were so breakable looking for all the world like just my breath could snap them.

No, no, no. I could not do this. He was too breakable, too good, too precious to deserve this fate. I couldn't allow my life to collide with his, to destroy it.

But I couldn't stay away from him either. Haruka was right about that.

The monster inside me hissed with frustration as I wavered, leaning first one way then the other.

My brief hour with him passed all too quickly, as I vacillated between the rock and the hard place. The bell rang, and he started collecting his things without looking at me. This disappointed me, but I could hardly expect otherwise. The way I had treated him since the accident was inexcusable.

"Masato?" I said, unable to stop myself. My willpower already lay in shreds.

He hesitated before looking at me; when he turned, his expression was guarded, distrustful.

I reminded myself that he had every right to distrust me. That he should.

He waited for me to continue, but I just stared at him, reading his face. I pulled in shallow mouthfuls of air at regular intervals, fighting my thirst.

"What?" he finally said. "Are you speaking to me again?" There was an edge of resentment to his tone that was, like his anger, endearing. _Was_ I speaking to him again, in the sense that he meant?

No. Not if I could help it. I would try to help it.

"No, not really," I told him.

He closed his eyes, which frustrated me. It cut off my best avenue of access to his feelings. He took a long, slow breath without opening his eyes. His jaw was locked.

Eyes still closed, he spoke. Surely this was not a normal human way to converse. Why did he do it?

"Then what do you want, Tokiya?"

The sound of my name on his lips did strange things to my body. If I'd had a heartbeat, it would have quickened.

But how to answer him?

With the truth, I decided. I would be as truthful as I could with him from now on. I didn't want to deserve his distrust, even if earning his trust was impossible.

"I'm sorry," I told him. That was truer than he would ever know. Unfortunately, I could only safely apologize for the trivial. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."

I would be better for him if I could keep it up, continue to be rude. Could I?

His eyes opened, their expression still wary.

"I don't know what you mean."

i tried to get as much of a warning through to him as was allowed. "It's better if we're not friends." Surely he could sense that much. He was bright. "Trust me."

His eyes tightened, and I remembered that I had said those words to him before - just before breaking a promise. I winced when his teeth clenched together - he clearly remembered, too.

"It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," he said angrily. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

I stared at him in shock. What did he know of my regrets?

"Regret? Regret for what?" I demanded.

"For not letting that van follow the path it was meant to," he snapped.

i froze, stunned.

How could he be thinking _that_? Saving his life was the one acceptable thing I'd done since I met him. The one thing that I was not ashamed of. The one and only thing that made me glad I existed at all. I'd been fighting to keep him alive since the first moment I'd caught his scent. How could he think this of me? How dare he question my one good deed in all this mess?

"You think I regret saving your life?"

"I _know_ you do," he retorted.

His estimation of my intentions left me seething. "You don't know anything."

How confusing and incomprehensible the workings of his mind were! He must not think in the same way as other humans at all. That must be the explanation behind his mental silence. He was entirely other.

He jerked his face away, gritting his teeth again. His cheeks were flushed with anger this time. He slammed his books together in a pile, yanked them up into his arms and marched toward the door without meeting m stare.

Even irritated as I was, it was impossible not to find his anger a bit entertaining.

He walked stiffly, without looking where he was going, and his foot caught on the lip of the doorway. He stumbled, and his things all crashed to the ground. Instead of bending to get them, he stood rigidly straight, not even looking down, as if he were not sure the books were worth retrieving.

I managed not to smirk.

No one was here to watch me; I flitted to his side, and had his books put in order before he looked down.

He bent halfway, saw me, and then froze. I handed his books back to him, making sure that my icy skin never touched his.

"Thank you," he said in a cold, severe voice.

His tone brought back my irritation.

"You're welcome," I said just as coldly.

He wrenched himself upright and stomped away to his next class.

I watched until I could no longer see his angry figure.

Italian passed in a blur. Mrs. Giuliani never questioned my abstraction - she knew my Italian was superior to hers, and she gave me a great deal of latitude - leaving me free to think.

So, I couldn't ignore the boy. That much was obvious. But did it mean I had no choice but to destroy him? That could _not_ be the only available future. There had to be some other choice, some delicate balance. I tried to think of a way...

I didn't pay much attention to Syo until the hour was nearly up. He was curious - Syo was not overly intuitive about the shades in other's moods, but he could see the obvious change in me. He wondered what had happened to remove the unrelenting glower from my face. He struggled to define the change, and finally decided that I looked _hopeful_.

Hopeful? is that what it looked like from the outside?

I pondered the idea of hope as we walked to the Chrysler, wondering what exactly I should be hopeful _for._

But I didn't have long to ponder. Sensitive as I always was to thoughts about the boy, the sound of Masato's name in the heads of... of my rivals, I suppose I had to admit, caught my attention. Kim and Kenji, having heard - with much satisfaction - of Otoya's failure, were preparing to make their moves.

Kim was already in place, positioned against his car where he could not avoid her. Kenji's class was being held late to receive an assignment, and he was in a desperate hurry to catch Masato before he escaped.

This I had to see.

"Wait for the others here, all right?" I murmured to Syo.

He eyed me suspiciously, but then shrugged and nodded.

 _Kid's lost his mind,_ he thought, amused by my odd request.

I saw Masato on his way out of his vocal training class, and I waited where he would not see me for him to pass. As he got closer to Kim's ambush, I strode forward, setting my pace so that I would walk by at the right moment.

I watched his body stiffen when he caught sight of his classmate waiting for him. He froze for a moment, then relaxed and moved forward.

"Hello, Kim," I heard him call in a friendly voice.

I was abruptly and unexpectedly anxious. What if this gangly teen with her unhealthy skin was somehow pleasing to him?

Kim swallowed loudly, her cheeks burning red. "Hey, Masato."

He seemed unaware of the girl's nervousness.

"What would you like?" he asked, unlocking his car without looking at her frightened expression.

"Uh, I was just wondering... if you would go to the spring dance with me?" Her voice broke.

He finally looked up. Was he taken aback or pleased? Kim couldn't meet his gaze, so I couldn't see Masato's face in her mind.

"Ah, I see..." he said, sounding flustered.

"What do you say?" she asked, more nervous than she had been before.

This pitiable girl did not irritate me as much as Otoya Ittoki did, but I couldn't find it in myself to feel sympathy for her angst until after Masato had answered her in a gentle voice.

"Thank you very much for asking, but I will be going to Sapporo that day."

Kim had already heard this; still, it was a disappointment.

"Oh," she mumbled, barely daring to raise her eyes to the level of Masato's nose. "Maybe next time."

"Sure," he agreed. Then he seemed to chew on the inside of his cheek, as if he regretted leaving her a loophole. I liked that.

Kim slumped forward and walked away, headed in the wrong direction from her car, her only thought escape.

I passed him in that moment, and heard his sigh of relief. I laughed.

He whirled at the sound, but I stared straight ahead, trying to keep my lips from twitching in amusement.

Kenji was behind me, almost running in his hurry to catch Masato before he could drive away. He was bolder and more confident than the other two; he'd only waited to approach Masato this long because he'd respected Otoya's prior claim.

I wanted him to succeed in catching him for two reasons. If - as I was beginning to suspect - all this attention was annoying to Masato, I wanted to enjoy watching his reaction. But, if it was not - if Kenji's invitation was the one he'd been hoping for - then I wanted to know that, too.

I measured Kenji Yamada as a rival, knowing it was wrong to do so. He seemed tediously average and unremarkable to me, but what did I know of Masato's preferences? Maybe he liked average people...

I winced at that thought. I could never be average. How foolish it was to set myself up as a rival for his affection. How could he ever care for someone who was, by any estimation, a monster?

He was too good for a monster.

I ought to have let him escape, but my inexcusable curiosity kept me from doing what was right. Again. But what if Kenji missed his chance now, only to contact him later when I would have no way of knowing the outcomes? I pulled my Pacifica out into the narrow lane, blocking his exit.

Syo and the others were on their way, but he'd described my strange behavior to them, and they were walking slowly, watching me, trying to decipher what I was doing.

I watched the boy in my rearview mirror. He glowered toward the back of my car without meeting my gaze, looking as if he wished he were driving a tank rather than his much smaller car.

Kenji hurried to his car and got in line behind him, grateful for my inexplicable behavior. He waved at him, trying to catch his attention, but he didn't notice. Kenji waited a moment, and then left his car, sauntering up to his passenger side window, He tapped on the glass.

Masato jumped, and then stared at Kenji in confusion. After a second, he rolled the window down, glowering daggers at me once again that day.

"I'm sorry, Kenji," he said, his voice irritated. "I'm stuck behind Ichinose."

He said my surname in a hard voice - he was, of course, still angry with me.

"Oh, I know," Kenji said, undeterred by his mood. "I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here."

His grin was cocky.

I was gratified by the way Masato blanched at his obvious intent.

"Will you ask me to the spring dance?" he asked, no thought of defeat in his head.

"I'm not going to be in town, Kenji," he told him, irritation still plain in his voice.

"Yeah, Otoya said that."

"Then why-?" he started to ask.

He shrugged. "I was hoping you were just letting him down easy."

Masato's eyes flashed, then cooled. "Sorry, Kenji," he said, not sounding very sorry at all. "I really am going to be out of town."

He accepted that excuse, his self-assurance untouched. "That's cool. We still have prom."

He strutted back to his car.

I was right to have waited for this.

The horrified expression on Masato's face was priceless. It told me what I should not so desperately need to know - that he had no feelings for any of these humans who wished to stand by his side.

Also, his expression was possibly the funniest thing I'd ever seen.

My family had arrived then, confused by the fact that i was, for a change, rocking with laughter rather than scowling murderously at everything in sight.

 _What's so funny?_ Syo wanted to know.

I just shook my head while I also shook with fresh laughter as Masato revved his engine angrily. He looked like he was wishing or a tank again.

"Let's go already," Ai hissed impatiently. "Stop acting unceremoniously if you _can_."

His words didn't annoy me - I was too entertained. But I did as he asked.

No one spoke to me on the way home. I continued to chuckle every now and again, thinking of Masato's face.

As i turned on to the drive - speeding up now that there were no witnesses - Haruka ruined my mood.

"So do I get to talk to Masato now?" she asked innocently enough, without considering the words first, thus giving me no warning.

"No," I snapped.

"Why not? What am I waiting for?" she tilted her head to the side with a slight pout on her lips.

"I haven't decided anything yet, Haruka."

"If you say so, Tokiya."

In her head, Masato's two destinies were clear again.

"What's the point in getting to know him?" I mumbled, suddenly morose. "If I'm just going to kill him?"

Haruka hesitated for a second, unhappy with my answer. "You have a point," she admitted.

I took the final hairpin turn at ninety miles an hour, and then screeched to a stop an inch from the back garage wall.

"Enjoy your run," Ai said smugly as I threw myself out of the car.

But I didn't go running today. Instead, I went hunting.

The others were scheduled to hunt tomorrow, but i couldn't afford to be thirsty now. I overdid it, drinking more than necessary, glutting myself again - a small grouping of deer and one black bear I was lucky enough to stumble across this early in the year. I was so full it was uncomfortable. Why couldn't that be enough? Why did his scent have to be so much stronger than anything else?

I had hunted in preparation for the next day, but, when I could hunt no more and the sun was still hours and hours from rising, I knew that the next day was not soon enough.

The jittery high swept through me again when I realized that I was going to find the boy.

I argued with myself all the way back to Utashinai, but my less noble side won the argument, and I went ahead with my indefensible plan. The monster was relentless but well-fettered. I knew I would keep a safe distance from him. I only wanted to know where he was. I just wanted to see his face.

It was past midnight, and Masato's house was dark and quiet. His car was parked against the curb, his mother's car in the driveway. There were no conscious thoughts anywhere in the neighborhood. I watched the house for a moment from the blackness of the forest that bordered it on the east. The front door would probably be locked - not a problem, except that I didn't want to leave a broken door as evidence behind me. I decided to try the upstairs window first. Not many people would bother installing a lock there.

I crossed the open yard and scaled the face of the house in half a second. Dangling from the eave about the window by one hand, I looked through the glass, and my breath stopped.

It was his room. I could see him in the one small bed, his covers on the floor and his sheets twisted around his legs. As I watched, he twitched restlessly and threw one arm over his head. He did not sleep soundly, at least not this night. Did he sense the danger near him?

I was repulsed by myself as I watched him toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom? I _wasn't_ any better. I was much, much worse.

I relaxed my fingertips, about to let myself drop. But first I allowed myself one long look at his face.

It was not peaceful. The little furrow was there between his eyebrows, the corners of his lips turned down. His lips trembled, and then parted.

"Okay, father," he muttered.

Masato talked in his sleep.

Curiosity flared, overpowering self-disgust. The lure of those unprotected, unconsciously spoken thoughts was impossibly tempting.

I tried the window, and it was not locked, though it stuck due to long disuse. I slid it slowly aside, cringing at each faint groan of the metal frame. I would have to find some oil for the next time...

Next time? I shook my head, disgusted again.

I eased myself silently through the half-opened window.

His room was small - organized neatly and orderly. There were books piled along the shelf at the bottom of his bedside table, their spines facing outwards, put in order alphabetically. On the desk set up across from his bed was a sleek black laptop that was still open, and CDs were stacked neatly beside it. A Saotome Academy uniform was folded on the back of the chair in front of the desk with shoes set up on the floor under it.

I wanted very much to go read the titles of his books and CDs, but I'd promised myself that I would keep my distance; instead, I went to sit in the old rocking chair in the far corner of the room.

Had I really once though him average-looking? I thought of that first day, and my disgust for everyone who was so immediately intrigued with him. But when I remembered his face in their minds now, I could not understand why I had not found him handsome immediately. It seemed an obvious thing.

Right now - with his blue locks tangled and wild around his pale face, wearing a threadbare t-shirt and tatty sweatpants, his features relaxed in unconsciousness, his thin lips slightly parted - he took my breath away. Or would have, I thought wryly, if I were breathing.

He did not speak. Perhaps his dream had ended.

I stared at his face and tried to think of some way to make the future bearable.

Hurting him was not bearable. Did that mean my only choice was to try to leave again?

The others could not argue with me now. My absence would not put anyone in danger. There would be no suspicion, nothing to link anyone's thoughts back to the accident.

I wavered as I had this afternoon, and nothing seemed possible.

I could not hope to rival the humans that held affection for him, whether these specific humans appealed to him or not. I was a monster. How could he see me as anything else? If he knew the truth about me, it would frighten and repulse him. Like the intended victim in a horror movie, he would run away, shrieking in terror.

I remembered his first day in music theory... and knew that this was exactly the right reaction for him to have.

It was foolishness to imagine that if I had been the one to ask him to the silly dance, he would have cancelled his hastily-made plans and agreed to go with me.

I was not the one he was destined to say yes to. It was someone else, someone human and warm. And I could not even let myself - someday, when that yes was said - hunt whoever it was down and kill them, because he deserved them. He deserved happiness and love with whomever he chose.

I owed it to him to do the right thing now; I could no longer pretend that I was only _in danger_ of loving the boy.

After all, it really didn't matter if I left, because Masato could never see me the way I wished he would. Never see me a someone worthy of love.

Never.

Could a dead, frozen heart break? It felt like mine would.

"Tokiya," Masato said.

I froze, staring at his unopened eyes.

Had he woken up, caught me here? He _looked_ asleep, yet his voice had been so clear...

He sighed a quiet sigh, and then moved restlessly again, rolling to his side - still fast asleep and dreaming.

"Tokiya," he mumbled softly.

He was dreaming of me.

Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to.

"Stay," he sighed. "Don't go. Please... don't go."

He was dreaming of me, and it wasn't even a nightmare. He wanted me to stay with him, there in his dream.

I struggled to find words to name the feelings that flooded through me, but I had no words strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, I drowned in them.

When I surfaced, I was not the same man I had been.

My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. It must, by necessity, always be midnight for me. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight?

At the time I had become a vampire, trading my soul and my mortality for immortality in the searing pain of transformation; I had truly been frozen. My body had turned into something more rock than flesh, enduring and unchanging. My _self,_ also, had frozen as it was - my personality, my likes and my dislikes, my moods and my desires; all were fixed in place.

It was the same for the rest of them. We were all frozen. Living stone.

When change came for one of us, it was a rare and permanent thing. I had seen it happen with Ryuya, and then a decade later with Ai. Love had changed them in an eternal way, a way that never faded. More than one hundred years had passed since Ryuya had found Ringo, and yet they still looked at each other with the incredulous eyes of first love. It would always be that way for them.

It would always be that way for me, too. I would always love this fragile human boy for the rest of my limitless existence.

I gazed at his unconscious face, feeling this love for him settle into every portion of my stone body.

He slept more peacefully now, a slight smile on his lips.

Always watching him, I began to plot.

I loved him, and so I would try to be strong enough to leave him. I knew I wasn't that strong now. I would work on that one. But perhaps I was strong enough to circumvent the future in another way.

Haruka had seen only two futures for Masato, and now I understood them both.

Loving him would not keep me from killing him, if I let myself make mistakes.

Yet I could not feel the monster now, could not find him anywhere in me. Perhaps love had silenced him forever. If I killed him now, it would not be intentional, only a horrible accident.

I would have to be inordinately careful. I would never, ever be able to let my guard down. I would have to control my every breath. I would have to keep an always cautious distance.

I would not make mistakes.

I finally understood that second future. I'd been baffled by that vision - what could possibly happen to result in Masato becoming a prisoner to this immortal half-life? Now - devastated by longing for the boy - I could understand how I might, in unforgivable selfishness, ask my father for that favor. Ask him to take away the boy's life and his soul so that I could keep him forever.

He deserved better.

But I saw one more future, one thin wire that I might be able to walk, if I could keep my balance.

Could I do it? Be with him and leave him human?

Deliberately, I took a deep breath, and then another, letting his scent rip through me like wildfire. The room was thick with his perfume; his fragrance was layered on every surface. My head swam, but I fought the spinning. I would have to get used to this, if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with him. I took another deep, burning breath.

I watched him sleeping until the sun rose behind the eastern clouds, plotting and breathing.

.

. . .

.

I got home just after the others had left for school. I changed quickly, avoiding Ringo's questioning eyes. He saw the feverish light in my face, and he felt both worry and relief. My long melancholy had pained him, and he was glad that it seemed to be over.

I ran to school, arriving a few seconds after my siblings did. They did not turn, though Haruka at least must have known that I stood here in the thick woods that bordered the pavement. I waited until no one was looking, and then I strolled casually from between the trees into the lot full of parked cars.

I heard Masato's car rumbling around the corner, and I paused behind a Suburban where i could watch without being seen.

He drove into the lot, glaring at my Pacifica for a long moment before he parked in one of the most distant spaces, a frown on his face.

It was strange to remember that he was probably still angry with me, and with a good reason.

I wanted to laugh at myself - or kick myself. All my plotting and planning was entirely moot if he didn't care for me, too, wasn't it? His dream could have been about something completely random. I was such an arrogant fool.

Well, it was so much the better for him if he didn't care for me. That wouldn't stop me from pursuing him, but I would give him fair warning as I pursued. I owed him that.

I walked silently forward, wondering how best to approach him.

He made it easy. His car keys slipped through his fingers as he got out, and fell into a deep puddle.

He reached down, but I got to it first, retrieving it before he had to put his fingers in the cold water.

I leaned back against his car as he started and then straightened up.

"How do you _do_ that?" he demanded.

Yes, he was still angry.

I offered him the key. "Do what?"

He held his hand out, and I dropped the key in his palm. I took a deep breath, pulling in his scent.

"Appear out of thin air," he clarified.

"Masato, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." The words were wry, almost a joke. Was there anything he didn't see?

Did he hear how my voice wrapped around his name like a caress?

He glared at me, not appreciating my humor. His heartbeat sped - from anger? From fear? After a moment, he looked down.

"Why the traffic jam last night?" he asked without meeting my eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

Still very angry. It was going to take some effort to make things right with him. I remembered my resolve to be truthful with him...

"That was for Kenji's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." And then I laughed. I couldn't help it, thinking of his expression yesterday.

"You-" he bit back his words and let go with a frustrated sigh, appearing to be too furious to finish.

There it was - that same expression. I choked back another laugh. He was mad enough already.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist," I finished. It was right to keep this casual, teasing. He would not understand if I let him see how I really felt. I would frighten him. I had to keep my feelings in check, keep things light...

"So you _are_ trying to irritate me to death? Since Kenji's van didn't do the job?"

A quick flash of anger pulsed through me. Could he honestly believe that?

It was irrational for me to be so affronted - he didn't know of the transformation that had happened in the night. But I was angry all the same.

"Masato, you are utterly absurd," I snapped.

His face flushed, and he turned his back on me. He began to walk away.

Remorse. I had no right to my anger.

"Wait," I pleaded.

He did not stop, so I followed after him.

"I'm sorry that was rude. I'm not saying it isn't true" - it _was_ absurd to imagine that I wanted him harmed in any way - "but it was rude to say it, anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

 _Believe me,_ I wanted to say. _I've tried._

 _Oh, and also, I'm wretchedly in love with you._

Keep it light.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me." A course of action had just occurred to me, and I laughed.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" he asked.

It must seem that way. My mood was erratic, so many new emotions coursing through me.

"You're doing it again," I pointed out.

He sighed. "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday..." I watched the shock cross his face and choked back another smirk and laugh. "You know, the day of the spring dance-"

He cut me off, finally returning his eyes to mine. "Are you trying to be _funny_?"

Yes. "Will you let me finish?"

He waited in silence, his teeth pressing into his soft lower lip.

That sight distracted me for a second. Strange, unfamiliar reactions stirred deep in my forgotten human core. I tried to shake them off so I could play my role.

"I heard you say that you were going to Sapporo that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride?" I offered. I'd realized that, better than just questioning him about his plans, I might _share_ them.

He stared at me blankly. "What?"

"Do you want a ride to Sapporo?" Alone in a car with him - my throat burned at the thought. I took a deep breath. _Get used to it_.

"With who?" he asked, his eyes wide and disbelieving.

"Myself, obviously," I said slowly.

"Why?" He was suspicious of me again.

Was it really such a shock that I would want his company? He must have applied the worst possible meaning to my past behavior.

"Well," I said as casually as possible, "I was planning to go to Sapporo in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your car can handle the entire trip." It seemed safer to tease him than to allow myself to be serious.

"My car is perfectly capable of driving me there and back, thank you very much for your concern," he said in the same surprised voice. He started walking again. I kept pace with him.

He hadn't really said no, so I pressed that advantage.

Would he say no? What would I do if he did?

"But can your car make it there on one tank of gas?"

"I don't see how that is any of your concern," he grumbled.

That still wasn't a no. And his heart was beating faster again, his breath coming more quickly.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Tokiya, I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

A thrill shot through me when he spoke my name.

How to keep it light and yet honest at the same time? Well, it was more important to be honest. Especially on this point.

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, well thank you for clearing that up now," he said sarcastically.

He paused under the edge of the cafeteria's roof and met my gaze again. His heartbeat stuttered. Was he afraid?

I chose my words carefully. No, I could not leave him, but maybe he would be smart enough to leave me, before it was too late.

"It would be more... _prudent_ for you not to be my friend." Staring into the ocean blue depths of his eyes, I lost my hold on _light_. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Masato." The words burned with too much fervor.

His breathing stopped and, in the second it took for it to restart, that worried me. How much had I scared him? Well, I would find out.

"Will you go to Sapporo with me?" I demanded, point blank.

He nodded, his heart drumming loudly.

 _Yes._ He'd said yes to _me._

And then my conscious smote me. What would this cost him?

"You really should stay away from me," I warned him. Did he hear me? Would he escape the future I was threatening him with? Couldn't I do anything to save him from _me_?

 _Keep it light,_ I shouted at myself. "I'll see you in class."

I had to concentrate to stop myself from running as I fled.


	6. Blood Type

I followed him all day through other people's eyes, barely aware of my own surroundings.

Not Otoya Ittoki's eyes, because I couldn't stand any more of his offensive thoughts, and not Saki Nakamura's, because of her resentment toward Masato made me angry in a way that was not safe for the petty girl. Yuki Song was a good choice when her eyes were available; she was kind - her head was an easy place to be. And then sometimes it was the teachers who provided the best view.

I surprised, watching him walk through the day - gracefully, as if he had lessons on how to walk so. He seemed to float on air as he walked, his back straight as can be. As people acknowledged him, he gave them a nod and brief smile, one I wished I could see for myself more often. The people I eavesdropped on thought of Masato with blushing cheeks and bright smiles - it made me all the more envious.

How odd. It was as if he was only ever clumsy around me. I remembered him stumbling into the desk that first day, sliding around on the ice before the accident, falling over the low lip of the doorframe yesterday... it was as if the boy I talked to was completely different than the one going about his day at this very moment.

I didn't know why this was so funny to me, but I laughed out loud as I walked from ear training to vocal training and several people shot me wary looks. How had I never noticed this before? Perhaps because there was something very fragile about him in stillness, how pale his skin naturally was, his blue locks the same color as his eyes...

There was something graceful about him now. Mr. Akiyama watched as he strolled across the room, closing his eyes as he slowly sat down in his seat and arranged his books and notebooks neatly in front of him on the desk.

I laughed again. The contrast so obvious between him now and whenever I saw him.

The time moved with incredible sluggishness while I waited for my chance to see him with my own eyes. Finally, the bell rang. I strode quickly to the cafeteria to secure my spot. I was one of the first there. I chose a table that was usually empty, and was sure to remain that way with me seated here.

When my family entered and saw me sitting alone in a new place, they were not surprised. Haruka must have warned them.

Ai stalked past me without a glance.

 _Idiot._

Ai and I had never had an easy relationship, but it wasn't incredibly hostile as it was now - we got off on the right foot with our same footing on certain issues, but the more time that had passed, the further downhill we went. I sighed. Ai made everything about calculations and perfection. He relied on statistics heavily.

Natsuki gave me a bright smile as he walked by.

 _Good luck!_ he thought happily.

Syo rolled his eyes and shook his head.

 _Lost his mind, poor kid._

Haruka was beaming like Natsuki was, her teeth shining too brightly.

 _Can I talk to Masato now?_

"Keep out of it," I said under my breath.

Her face fell, and then brightened again.

 _It's only a matter of time, Tokiya. I'll get to talk to him eventually._

I nodded. No, I hadn't forgotten that.

While I waited for Masato to arrive, I followed him in the eyes of the freshman who was walking behind Saki on their way to the cafeteria. Saki was babbling about the upcoming dance, but Masato said nothing in response. Not that Saki gave him much of a chance.

The moment Masato walked through the door, his eyes flashed to the table where my siblings sat. He stared for a moment, and then his forehead crumpled and his eyes dropped to the floor. He hadn't noticed me here.

He looked so... _sad._ I felt a powerful urge to get up and go to his side, to comfort him somehow, only I didn't know what he would find comforting. I had no idea what made him look that way. Saki continued to jabber about the dance. Was Masato sad that he was going to miss it? That didn't seem likely...

But that could be remedied, if he wished.

He bought a drink for his lunch and nothing else. Was that right? Didn't he need more nutrition than that? I'd never paid much attention to a human's diet before.

Humans were quite exasperatingly fragile! There were a million different things to worry about...

"Tokiya Ichinose is staring at you again," I heard Saki say. "I wonder why he's sitting alone today?"

I was grateful to Saki - though she was even more resentful now - because Masato's head snapped up and his eyes searched until they met mine.

There was no trace of sadness on his face now. I let myself hope that he'd been sad because he'd thought I'd left school early, and that hope made me smile.

I motioned with my finger for him to join me. He looked so startled by this that I wanted to tease him again.

So I winked, and his mouth fell open.

"Does he mean _you_?" Saki said rudely.

"Maybe he needs help with his music theory work," he said in a low, uncertain voice. "I'd better go see what he wants."

This was another yes.

He stumbled twice on his way to my table, though there was nothing in his way but perfectly even linoleum. Seriously, how was he able to walk with so much _grace_ during the day? How had I _possibly_ missed that? What else had I missed?

 _Keep it honest, keep it light_ , I chanted to myself.

He stopped behind the chair across from me, hesitating. I inhaled deeply, through my nose this time rather than my mouth.

 _Feel the burn,_ I thought dryly.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked him.

He pulled the chair out and sat, staring at me the whole while. He seemed nervous, but his physical acceptance was yet another yes.

I waited for him to speak.

It took a moment, but, finally, he said, "This is different."

"Well..." I hesitated. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

What had made me say that? I supposed it was honest, at least. And perhaps he'd hear the unsubtle warning my words implied. Maybe he would realize that he should get up and walk away as quickly as possible...

He didn't get up. He stared at me, waiting, as if I'd left my sentence unfinished.

"You know I do not have any idea what you mean," he said when I didn't continue.

That was a relief. I smiled.

"I know."

It was hard to ignore the thoughts screaming at me from behind his back - and I wanted to change the subject anyway.

"I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you."

This did not appear to concern him. "They can survive." He seemed agitated.

"I may not give you back, though." I didn't even know if i was trying to be honest now, or just trying to tease him again. Being near him made it hard to make sense of my own thoughts.

Masato swallowed loudly.

I smirked at his expression. "You look worried." It really _shouldn't_ be funny... He should worry.

"No." He was a bad liar; it didn't help that his voice broke. "Surprised, actually... What brought this on?"

"I told you," I reminded him. "I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." I held my smile in place with a bit of effort. This wasn't working at all- trying to be honest and casual at the same time.

"Giving up?" he repeated, baffled.

"Yes - giving up trying to be good." And, apparently, giving up trying to be casual. "I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." That was honest enough. Let him see my selfishness. Let that warn him, too.

"You've lost me again."

I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you - that's one of the problems."

A rather insignificant problem, compared to the rest.

"Don't worry," he reassured me. "I have yet to understand any of it."

Good. Then he'd stay. "I'm counting on that."

"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"

I pondered that for a second. "Friends..." I repeated. I didn't like the sound of that. It wasn't enough.

"Or not," he mumbled, looking embarrassed.

Did he think I didn't like him that much?

I grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

I waited for his response, torn in two - wishing he would finally hear and understand, thinking I might die if he did. How melodramatic. I was turning into such a human.

His heart beat faster. "You say that a lot."

"Yes, because you're not listening to me," I said, too intense again. "I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me."

Ah, but would I allow him to do that, if he tried?

His eyes tightened. "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear as well."

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant, but I gave him a side grin in apology, guessing that I might have offended him accidentally.

"So," he said slowly. "As long as I'm being... not smart, we'll try to be friends?"

"That sounds about right."

He looked down, staring intently at the lemonade bottle in his hands.

The old curiosity tormented me.

"What are you thinking?" I asked - it was a relief to say the words out loud at last.

He met my gaze, and his breathing sped while his cheeks flushed faint pink. I inhaled, tasting that in the air.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are."

I held the grin on my face, locking my features that way, while panic twisted through my body.

Of course he was wondering that. He wasn't stupid. I couldn't hope for him to be oblivious to something so obvious.

"Are you having any luck with that?" I asked as lightly as I could manage.

"Not too much," he admitted.

I smirked in sudden relief. "What are your theories?"

They couldn't be worse than the truth, no matter what he'd come up with.

His cheeks turned bright red, and he said nothing. I could feel the warmth of his blush in the air.

I tried using my persuasive tone on him. It worked well on normal humans.

"Won't you tell me?" I smiled encouragingly.

He shook his head. "I don't like any of them myself."

Ugh. Not knowing was worse than anything else. Why would his speculations cause this kind of reaction from him? I couldn't stand not knowing.

My complaint sparked something in him. His eyes flashed and his words flowed more swiftly than usual.

"No, I can't _imagine_ why that would be frustrating at all - just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean... now, why would that be frustrating?"

I frowned at him, upset to realize that he was right. I wasn't being fair.

He went on. "Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things - from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that either, even after he promised. That, also, would be _very_ non-frustrating."

It was the longest speech I'd ever heard him make, and it gave me a new quality for my list.

"You've got a bit of temper, don't you?"

"I am simply stating facts. I do not like double standards."

He was completely justified in his irritation, of course.

I stared at Masato, wondering how I could possibly do anything right by him, until the silent shouting in Otoya Ittoki's head distracted.

He was so worried that it made me chuckle.

"What?" he demanded.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you - he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight." I would love to see him try. I laughed again.

"I don't know who you're talking about," he said in an icy voice. "But I'm sure you're wrong anyway."

I very much enjoyed the way he disowned him with his dismissive sentence.

"I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."

"Except me, of course."

"Yes. Except for you." Did he always have to be the exception to everything? Wouldn't it have been more fair - considering everything else I had to deal with now - if I could have at least heard _something_ from his head? Was that so much to ask? "I wonder why that is?"

I stared into his eyes, trying again...

He looked away. He opened his green tea and took a quick drink, his eyes on the table.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked.

"No." He eyed the empty table between us. "You?"

"No, I'm not hungry," I said. I was definitely not that.

He stared at the table with his lips pursed. I waited.

"Could you do me a favor?" he asked, suddenly meeting my gaze again.

What would he want from me? Would he ask for the truth that I wasn't allowed to tell him - the truth I didn't want him to ever, ever know?

"That depends on what you want."

"It's not much," he promised.

I waited, curious again.

"I just wondered..." he said slowly, staring at the green tea bottle, tracing its lip with his littlest finger. "If you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good? Just so I'm prepared."

He wanted a warning? Then being ignored by me must be a bad thing... I smiled.

"That sounds fair," I agreed.

"Thanks," he said, looking up. His face was so relieved that I wanted to laugh with my own relief.

"Then can I have one in return?" I asked hopefully.

"One," he allowed.

"Tell me _one_ theory."

He flushed. "Not that one."

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I argued.

"And you've broken promises yourself," he argued back.

He had me there.

"Just one theory - I won't laugh."

"Yes, you will." He seemed very sure of that, though I couldn't imagine anything that would be funny about it.

I gave persuasion another try. I stared deep into his eyes - an easy thing to do, with eyes so deep - and whispered, "Please?"

He blinked, and his face went blank.

Well, that wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been going for.

"Er, what?" he asked. He looked dizzy. What was wrong with him?

But I wasn't giving up yet.

"Please tell me just one little theory," I pleaded in my soft, non-scary, holding his eyes in mine.

To my surprise and satisfaction, it finally worked.

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?"

Made-up stories? No wonder he thought I would laugh.

"That's not very creative," I chided his, trying to hide my fresh relief.

"I apologize, that is all I have," he said, offended.

This relieved me even more. I was able to tease him again.

"You're not even close."

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?"

"None."

"Ah, well, I'll have to keep trying," he sighed.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either," I said quickly - trying to steer to conversation away from more attempts at my exposure. Though, I had to laugh. He thought I was a superhero.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"

I pressed my lips together.

"I'll figure it out eventually," he promised.

And when he did, he would run.

"I wish you wouldn't try," I said, all teasing gone.

"Because...?"

I owed him honestly. Still, I tried to smile, to make my words sound less threatening. "What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"

His eyes widened by a fraction and his lips fell slightly apart. "Oh," he said. And then, after a second, "I see."

He'd finally heard me.

"Do you?" I asked, working to conceal my agony.

"You're dangerous?" he guessed. His breathing hiked, and his heart raced.

I couldn't answer him. Was this my last moment with him? Would he run now? Could I be allowed to tell him that I loved him before he left? Or would that frighten him more?

"But not bad," he whispered, shaking his head, no fear in his clear eyes. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

"You're wrong," I breathed.

Of course I was bad. Wasn't I rejoicing now, that he thought better of me than I deserved? If I were a good person, I would have stayed away from him.

I stretched my hand across the table, reaching for the lid to his green tea bottle as an excuse. He did not flinch away from my suddenly closer hand. He really was not afraid of me. Not yet.

I spun the lid like a top, watching it instead of him. My thoughts were in a snarl.

 _Run, Masato, run._ I couldn't make myself say the words out loud.

He jumped to his feet. "We're going to be late," he said, just as I'd started to worry that he'd somehow heard my silent warning.

"I'm not going to class."

"Why not?"

 _Because I don't want to kill you._ "It's healthy to ditch class now and then."

to be precise, it was healthier for humans if the vampires ditched on days when human blood would be spilt. It was Mr. Tanaka's class's turn to get checked today. The school was giving health exams today, and a finger prick was required from all the students. Haruka had already ditched her morning class when it was her class's time to go.

"Well, I'm going," he said. That didn't surprise me. He was responsible - he always did the right thing.

He was my opposite.

"I'll see you later then," I said, trying for casual again, staring down at the whirling lid. _And, by the way, I adore you... in frightening, dangerous ways._

He hesitated, and I hoped for a moment that he would stay with me after all. But the bell rang and he hurried away.

i waited until he was gone, and then I put the lid in my pocket - a souvenir of this most consequential conversation - and walked through the rain to my car.

I put on my favorite calming CD - the same one I'd listened to that first day - but I wasn't hearing Hisaishi's notes for long. Other notes were running through my head, a fragment of a tune that pleased and intrigued me. I turned down the stereo and listened to the music in my head, playing with the fragment until it evolved into a fuller harmony. Instinctively, my fingers moved in the air over imaginary piano keys.

The new composition was really coming along when my attention was caught by a wave of mental anguish.

I looked toward the distress.

 _Is he going to pass out? What do I do?_ Otoya panicked.

A hundred yards away, Otoya Ittoki was lowering Masato's limp body to the sidewalk. He slumped unresponsively against the wet concrete, his eyes closed, his skin chalky as a corpse.

I almost took the door off the car.

"Masato?" I shouted.

There was no change in his lifeless face when I yelled his name.

My whole body went colder than ice.

I was aware of Otoya's aggravated surprise as I sifted furiously through his thoughts. He was only thinking of his annoyance towards me with a pout on his face, so I didn't know what was wrong with Masato. If he'd done something to harm him, I would annihilate him.

"What's wrong - is he hurt?" I demanded, trying to focus his thoughts. It was maddening to have to walk at a human pace. I should not have called attention to my approach.

Then I could hear his heart beating and his even breath. As I watched, he squeezed his eyes more tightly shut. That eased some of my panic.

I saw a flicker of memories in Otoya's head, a splash of images from the nurse's office. Masato's head leaned back against the wall his chair was positioned against, his fair skin turning green. Drops of red getting pulled into tubes...

The blood testing.

I stopped where I was, holding my breath. His scent was one thing, his flowing blood was another altogether.

"I think he fainted," Otoya said, anxious and annoyed at the same time. "I don't know what happened, he didn't even stick his finger."

relief washed over me, and I breathed again, tasting the air. Ah, I could smell the tiny flow of Otoya Ittoki's puncture wound. Once, that might have appealed to me.

I knelt beside him while Otoya hovered next to me, more curious than irritated as to why I cared.

"Masato. Can you hear me?"

"No," he moaned. "Go away."

The relief was so exquisite that I laughed. He was fine.

"I was taking him to the nurse," Otoya said. "But he wouldn't go any farther."

"I'll take him. You can go back to class," I said dismissively.

Otoya's expression fell. "But I'm supposed to do that..."

I wasn't going to stand around arguing with him.

Thrilled and terrified, half-grateful to and half-aggrieved by the predicament which made touching him a necessity, I gently lifted Masato from the sidewalk and held him in my arms, touching only his clothes, keeping as much distance between our bodies as possible. I was striding forward in the same movement, in a hurry to have him safe - farther away from me, in other words.

His eyes popped open, astonished.

"Put me down," he ordered in a weak voice - embarrassed again, I guess from his expression. He didn't like to show weakness.

I barely heard Otoya's protest behind us.

"You look awful," I told him, grinning because there was nothing wrong with him but a light head and a weak stomach.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," he said. His lips were white.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" Could it get any more ironic?

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.

"And not even your own blood," I added, my grin widening.

We were at the front office. The door was propped an inch open, and I kicked it out of my way.

Ms. Ito jumped, startled. "Oh, my," she gasped as she examined the ashen boy in my arms.

"He fainted during testing," I explained, before her imagination could get too out of hand.

Ms. Ito hurried to open the door to the smaller nurse's office. Masato's eyes were open again, watching her. I heard the elderly nurse's internal astonishment as I laid the boy carefully on the one shabby bed. As soon as Masato was out of my arms, I put the width of the room between us. My body was too excited, too eager, my muscles tense and the venom flowing. He was so warm and fragrant.

"He's just a little faint," I reassured Mrs. Nagasaki. "They're testing today for our class."

She nodded, understanding now. "There's always one."

I stifled a laugh. Trust Masato to be that one.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey," Mrs. Suoh said. "It'll pass."

"I know," Masato said.

"Does this happen often?" the nurse asked.

"Sometimes," Masato admitted.

I tried to disguise my laughter as coughing.

This brought me to the nurse's attention. "You can go back to class now," she said.

I looked her straight in the eye and lied with perfect confidence. "I'm supposed to stay with him."

 _Hmm. I wonder... oh well._ Mrs. Nagasaki nodded.

It worked just fine on her. Why did Masato have to be so difficult?

"I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear," the nurse said, slightly uncomfortable from looking into my eyes - the way a human _should_ be - and left the room.

"You were right," Masato moaned, closing his eyes.

What did he mean? I jumped to the worst conclusion: he'd accepted my warnings.

"I usually am," I said, trying to keep the amusement in my voice; it sounded sour now. "But about what in particular this time?"

"Ditching is healthy," he sighed.

Ah, relief again.

He was silent then. He just breathed slowly in and out. His lips were beginning to turn pink. His mouth was slightly out of balance, his lower lip just a little too full to match the top. Staring at his mouth made me feel strange. Made me want to move closer to him, which was not a good idea.

"You scared me for a minute there," I said - to restart the conversation so that I could hear his voice again. "I thought Otoya was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha," he said.

"Honestly - I've seen corpses with better color." This was actually true. "I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder." And I would have.

"Poor Otoya," he sighed. "I'll bet he's upset."

Fury pulsed through me, but i contained it quickly. His concern was surely just pity. Masato was kind. That was all.

"He absolutely loathes me," I told him, cheered by that idea.

"You can't know that."

"I saw his face - I could tell." It was probably true that reading his face would have given me enough information to make that particular deduction. All this practice with Masato was sharpening my skill at reading human expressions.

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching." His face looked better - the green undertone had vanished from his translucent skin.

"I was in my car, listening to a CD."

His expression twitched, like my very ordinary answer had surprised him somehow.

He opened his eyes again when Mrs. Nagasaki returned with an ice pack.

"Here you go, dear," the nurse said as she laid across Masato's forehead. "You're looking better."

"I think I'm fine," Masato said, and he sat up while pulling the ice pack away. Of course. He didn't like to be taken care of.

Mrs. Nagasaki's wrinkled hands fluttered toward the boy, as if she were going to push him back down, but then Ms. Ito opened the door to the office and leaned in. With her appearance came the smell of fresh blood, just a whiff.

Invisible in the office behind her, Otoya Ittoki was still very upset, wishing the heavy boy he dragged now was the boy who was in here with me.

"We've got another one," Ms. Ito said.

Masato quickly jumped down from the cot, eager to be out of the spotlight.

"Here," he said, handing the compress back to Mrs. Nagasaki. "I don't need this."

Otoya grunted as he half-shoved Sanji Furuhata through the door. Blood was still dripping down the hand Sanji held to his face, trickling toward his wrist.

"Oh no." This was my cue to leave - and Masato's, too, it seemed. "Get out to the office, Masato."

He stared up at me with bewildered eyes.

"Trust me - go."

He whirled and caught the door before it had swung shut, rushing through to the office. I followed a few inches behind him, His swinging hair brushed my hand...

He turned to look at me, still wide-eyed.

"You actually listened to me." That was a first.

His small nose wrinkled. "I smelled the blood."

I stared at him in blank surprise. "People can't smell blood."

"Well, I can - that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust... and salt."

My face froze, still staring.

Was he really human? He _looked_ human. He felt soft as a human. He smelled human - well, better actually. He acted human... sort of. But he didn't think like a human, or respond like one.

What other option was there, though?

"What?" he demanded.

"It's nothing."

Otoya Ittoki interrupted us then, entering the room with pointed thoughts towards me that weren't exactly friendly.

" _You_ look better," he mumbled to Masato.

My hand twitched, wanting to teach him some manners. I would have to watch myself, or I would end up killing this obnoxious boy.

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," he said. For one wild second, I thought he was talking to me.

"It's not bleeding anymore," he answered sullenly. "Are you going back to class?"

"Of course not. I'd just have to turn around and come back."

That was very good. I'd thought I was going to have to miss this whole hour with him, and now I got extra time instead. I felt greedy, a miser hoarding over each minute.

"Yeah, I guess..." Otoya laughed awkwardly. "So are you going this weekend? To the beach?"

Ah, they had plans. Anger froze me in place. It was a group trip, though. I'd seen some of this in other students' heads. It wasn't just the two of them. I was still furious. I leaned motionlessly against the counter, trying to control myself.

"Sure, I said I was in," he promised the redhead.

So he'd said yes to him, too. The jealousy burned, more painful than thirst.

No, it was just a group outing, I tried to convince myself. He was just spending the day with friends. Nothing more.

"We're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." _And Ichinose's NOT invited._

"I'll be there," Masato said.

"I'll see you in Ear Training, then."

"See you," he replied.

Otoya shuffled off to his class, his thoughts still wrapped around me. _Does he actually like Tokiya? I've heard he's rich, but I can't imagine he cares about that... Everyone likes him, but I don't get it. Too... too perfect. Shiraiyuki said that his dad experiments with plastic surgery on them. That's why they're all so white and pretty. It's not natural, but I don't think it's that. He's sort of... scary-looking, though. Sometimes, when he stares at me, I'd swear he's thinking about killing me... Odd..._

Otoya wasn't entirely unperceptive.

"Ear Training," Masato repeated quietly. A groan.

I looked at him, and saw that he was sad about something again. I wasn't sure why, but it was clear that he didn't want to go to his next class with Otoya, and I was all for that plan.

I went to his side and bent close to his face, feeling the warmth of his skin radiating out to my lips. I didn't dare breathe.

"I can take care of that," I murmured. "Go sit down and look pale."

He did as I asked, sitting in one of the folding chairs and leaning his head back against the wall, while, behind me, Ms. Ito came out of the back room and went to her desk. With his eyes closed, Masato looked as if he'd passed out again. His full color hadn't returned yet.

I turned to the secretary. Hopefully Masato was paying attention to this, I thought sardonically. This was how a human was _supposed_ to respond.

"Ms. Ito?" I asked, using my persuasive voice again.

Her eyelashes fluttered, and her heart sped up. _Too young, get a hold of yourself!_ "Yes?"

That was interesting. When Shiori Ito's pulse quickened, it was because she found me physically attractive, not because she was frightened. I was used to that around human females... yet I hadn't considered that explanation for Masato's racing heart.

I rather liked that. Too much, in fact. I smiled, and Ms. Ito's breathing got louder.

"Masato has Ear Training next hour, and I don't think he feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take him home. Do you think you could excuse him from class?" I stared into her depthless eyes, enjoying the havoc that this wreaked on her thought processes. Was it possible that Masato...?

Ms. Ito had to swallow loudly before she answered. "Do you need to be excused, too, Tokiya?"

"No, I have Mrs. Giuliani, she won't mind."

I wasn't paying much attention to her now. I was exploring this new possibility.

Hmm. I'd like to believe that Masato found me attractive like other humans did, but when did Masato ever have the same reactions as other humans? I shouldn't get my hopes up.

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Masato."

Masato nodded weakly - overacting a bit.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I asked, amused by his relatively poor theatrics. I knew he would want to walk - he wouldn't want to be weak.

"I'll walk," he said.

Right again. I was getting better at this.

He got up, hesitating for a moment as if to check his balance. I held the door for him, and we walked out into the rain.

I watched him as he lifted his face to the light rain with his eyes closed, a slight smile on his lips. _What was he thinking?_

"Thank you very much," he said, smiling at me now. "I know I shouldn't be missing class, but I don't think I would last through the hour."

I stared across the campus, wondering how to prolong my time with him. "Anytime," I said.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" He sounded hopeful.

Ah, his hope was soothing. He wanted me with him, not Otoya Ittoki. And I wanted to say yes. But there were many things to consider. For one, the sun would be shining this Saturday...

"Where are you all going, exactly?" I tried to keep my voice nonchalant, as if it didn't matter much. Otoya had said _beach,_ though. Not much chance of avoiding sunlight there.

"Down to Otaru Beach."

 _Damn._ Well, it was impossible, then.

Anyway, Syo would be irritated if I cancelled our plans.

I glanced down at him, smiling wryly. "I really don't think I was invited."

He sighed, already resigned. "I just invited you, did I not?"

"Let's you and I not push poor Otoya any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I thought about snapping _poor Otoya_ myself, and enjoyed the mental picture intensely.

"Forget about him," he said, dismissive again. I smiled widely.

And then he started to walk away from me.

Without thinking about my action, I reached out and caught him by the back of his rain jacket. He jerked to a stop.

"Where do you think you're going?" I was almost angry that he was leaving me. I hadn't had enough time with him. He couldn't go, not yet.

"I'm going home," he said, baffled as to why this should upset me.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I knew he wouldn't like _that_ \- my implication of weakness on his part. But I needed to practice for the Sapporo trip, anyway. See if I could handle his proximity in an enclosed space. This was a much shorter journey.

"What condition?" he demanded. "And what about my car?"

"I'll have Haruka drop it off after school." I pulled him back to my carefully, as I now knew that walking _forward_ was challenging enough for him.

"Could you kindly let go of me?" he asked, twisting sideways and nearly tripping. I held one hand out to catch him, but he righted himself before it was necessary. I shouldn't be looking for excuses to touch him. That started me thinking about Ms. Ito's reaction to me, but I filed it away for later. There was so much to be considered on that front.

I let him go beside the car, and he stumbled into the door. I would have to be even more careful, to take into account his proper balance rather than pretending he needed to be helped...

"You are very _pushy_."

"It's open."

I got in on my side and started the car. He held his body rigidly, still outside, though the rain had picked up and I knew he didn't like the cold and wet. Water was soaking through his hair, darkening it to a shade close to my own.

"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home."

Of course he was - I just wasn't capable of letting him go.

I rolled his window down and leaned toward him. "Get in, Masato."

His eyes narrowed, and I guessed that he was debating whether or not to make a run for it.

"I'll just drag you back," I promised, enjoying the chagrin on his face when he realized I meant it.

His chin stiffly in the air, he opened his door and climbed in. His hair dripped on the leather and his boots squeaked against each other.

"This is completely unnecessary," he said coldly. I thought he looked embarrassed under the pique.

I just turned up the heater so he wouldn't be uncomfortable, and set the music to a nice background level. I drove out toward the exit, watching him from the corner of my eye. His lower lip was jutting out stubbornly. I stared at this, examining how it made me feel... thinking of the secretary's reaction again...

Suddenly he looked at the stereo and smiled, his eyes widening. "View of Silence?" he asked.

A fan of the classics? "You know Hisaishi?"

"This particular piece is one of my favorites to play. His work is notable."

"It's one of my favorites, too." I stared at the rain, considering that. I actually had something in common with the boy. I'd begun to think that we were opposites in every way.

He seemed more relaxed now, staring at the rain like me, with unseeing eyes. I used his momentary distraction to experiment with breathing.

I inhaled carefully through my nose.

Potent.

I clutched the steering wheel tighter. The rain made him smell better. I wouldn't have thought that was possible. Stupidly, I was suddenly imagining how he would taste.

I tried to swallow against the burn in my throat, to think of something else.

"What's your mother like?" I asked as a distraction.

Masato smiled. "I look similar to her. She's very pretty."

I doubted that she looked any more beautiful than he was.

"She's responsible and kindhearted, and she's a very good cook. I'm very close to her." His voice had turned melancholy; his forehead creased.

Again, he sounded more like a parent than a child.

I stopped in front of his house, wondering too late if I was supposed to know where he lived. No, this wouldn't be suspicious in such a small town, with his family as well-known as it was...

"How old are you, Masato?" He must be older than his peers. Perhaps he'd been late to start school, or been held back... that wasn't likely, though.

"I'm seventeen," he answered.

"You don't seem seventeen."

He chuckled.

"What?"

"My mother always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." He chuckled again, and then sighed.

This clarified things for me. I could see it now... how being born into such a family helped explain Masato's maturity. He'd had to grow up early, to become the leader he would have to someday be in his family. That's why he didn't like being cared for - he felt it was his job.

"You don't seem much like my age yourself," he said, pulling me from my reverie.

I grimaced. For everything I perceived about him, he perceived too much in return. I changed the subject.

"So why didn't your father divorce or remarry?"

He hesitated a minute before answering. "He needed to keep up appearances. Everyone who works with my father adores my mother. If she left, then they would think something was wrong and try to pry into our lives more. They would probably break trade deals if that were to happen." He shook his head indulgently.

"Do you approve?" I wondered.

"Does it matter?" he asked. "He doesn't listen to anything I have to say, and my mother is happier the way things are now."

The unselfishness of his comment would have shocked me, except that it fit in all too well with what I'd learned of his character.

"That's very generous... I wonder."

"What?"

"Would your mother extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?"

It was a foolish question, and I could not keep my voice casual while I asked it. How stupid to even consider someone approving of _me_ for their son. How stupid to even think of Masato choosing me.

"I-I believe so," he said without much hesitation, still stuttering in reaction to my gaze. Fear... or attraction?

"But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different," he finished.

I smiled wryly. "No one too scary then."

The corners of his lips rose into a smile. "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?"

"That's one definition, I suppose." A very nonthreatening definition, in my mind.

"What would be your definition, then?"

He always asked the wrong questions. Or exactly the right questions, maybe. The ones I didn't want to answer, at any rate.

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?" I asked him, trying to smile a little.

He thought it through before answering me in a serious voice. "Hmm... I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to."

I was serious, too. "Are you frightened of me now?"

He answered at once, not thinking this one through. "No."

I smiled more easily. I did not think he was entirely telling the truth, but nor was he truly lying. He wasn't frightened enough to want to leave, at least. I wondered how he would feel if I told him he was having this discussion with a vampire. I cringed internally at his imagined reaction.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family? It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

A more frightening one, at least.

"What do you want to know?" I asked cautiously.

"Hyuga and Tsukimiya adopted you?"

"Yes."

He hesitated, then spoke in a small voice. "What happened to your parents?"

This wasn't so hard; I wasn't even having to lie to him. "They died a very long time ago."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, clearly worried about having hurt me.

 _He_ was worried about _me_.

"It was a long time ago," I assured him. "Ryuya and Ringo have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them," he deduced.

I smiled. "Yes. I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am." In that one circumstance, the matter of parents, my luck could not be denied.

"And your brothers and sister?"

if I let him push for too many details, I would have to lie. I glanced at the clock, disheartened that my time with him was up.

"My brothers and sister, Syo and Ai for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, I apologize, you must have to leave."

He didn't move. He didn't want our time to be up either. I liked that very, very much.

"And you probably want your car back before your Nurse Hijirikawa gets home, so you don't have to tell her about today's incident." I grinned at the memory of his embarrassment in my arms.

"I'm sure she's already heard. There are no secrets here in Utashinai." He said the name of the town with distinct distaste.

I laughed at his words. No secrets, indeed. "Have fun at the beach." I glanced at the pouring rain, knowing it would not last, and wishing more strongly than usual that it could. "Good weather for sunbathing." Well, it would be by Saturday. He would enjoy that.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?"

The worry in his tone pleased.

"No. Syo and I are starting the weekend early." I was mad at myself now for having made the plans. I could break them... but there was no such thing as too much hunting at this point, and my family was going to be concerned enough about my behavior without me revealing how obsessive I was turning.

"What are you going to do? he asked, not sounding happy with my revelation.

Good.

"We're going to be hiking in the Shiretoko Peninsula, just east of Abashiri." Syo was eager for bear season.

"Oh, well, have fun," he said halfheartedly. His lack of enthusiasm pleased me again.

As I stared at him, I began to feel almost agonized at the thought of saying even a temporary goodbye. He was just so soft and vulnerable. It seemed foolhardy to let him out of my sight, where anything could happen to him. And yet, the worst things that could happen to him would result from being with me.

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I asked seriously.

He nodded, his eyes wide and bewildered by my intensity.

Keep it light.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So... try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?"

I smiled ruefully at him, hoping he couldn't see the sadness in my eyes. How much I wished that he wasn't so much better off away from me, no matter what might happen to him there.

 _Run, Masato, run._ _I love you too much, for your good and mine._

He was offended by my teasing. He glared at me. "I'll see what I can do," he snapped, jumping out into the rain and slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.

Just like an angry kitten that believes it's a tiger.

I curled my hand around the key I'd just picked from his jacket pocket, and smiled as I drove away.


	7. Melody

I had to wait when I got back to school. The final hour wasn't over yet. That was good, because I had things to think about and I needed the alone time.

His scent lingered in the car. I kept the windows up, letting it assault me, trying to get used to the feel of intentionally torching my throat.

Attraction.

It was a problematic thing to contemplate. So many sides to it, so many different meanings and levels. Not the same thing as love, but tied up in it inextricably.

I had no idea if Masato was attracted to me. (Would his mental silence somehow continue to get more and more frustrating until I went mad? Or was there a limit that I would eventually reach?)

I tried to compare his physical responses to others, like the secretary and Saki Nakamura, but the comparison was inconclusive. The same markers - changes in heart rate and breathing patterns - could just as easily mean fear or shock or anxiety as they did interest. It seemed unlikely that Masato could be entertaining the same kinds of thoughts that Saki Nakamura used to have. After all, Masato knew very well that there was something wrong with me, even if he didn't know what exactly it was. He had touched my icy skin, and then yanked his hand away from the chill.

And yet... as I remembered those fantasies that used to repulse me, but remembered them with Masato in Saki's place...

I was breathing more quickly, the fire clawing up and down my throat.

What if it had been _Masato_ imagining me with my arms wrapped around his fragile body? Feeling me pull him tightly against my chest and then cupping my hand under his chin? Brushing the bangs of his hair back from his blushing face? Tracing the shape of his lips with my fingertips? Leaning my face closer to his, where I could feel the heat of his breath on my mouth? Moving closer still...

But then I flinched away from the daydream, knowing, as I had known when Saki had imagined these things, what would happen if I got that close to him.

Attraction was an impossible dilemma, because I was already too attracted to Masato in the worst way.

Did I want Masato to be attracted to me?

That was the wrong question. The right question was _should_ I want Masato to be attracted to me that way, and that answer was no. Because I was not human, and that wasn't fair to him.

With every fiber of my being, I ached to be a normal man, so that I could hold him in my arms without risking his life. So that I could be free to spin my own fantasies, fantasies that didn't end with his blood on my hands, his blood glowing in my eyes.

My pursuit of him was indefensible. What kind of relationship could I offer him, when I couldn't risk touching him?

I hung my head in my hands.

It was all the more confusing because I had never felt so human in my whole life - not even when I _was_ human, as far as I could recall. When I had been human, my thoughts had all been turned to a soldier's glory. Japan was on the brink of war constantly through most of my adolescence, and I'd been only nine months away from my eighteenth birthday when the pandemic had struck... I had just vague impressions of those human years, murky memories that faded more with every passing decade. I remembered my mother most clearly, and felt the ching hatred when I thought of her face. I recalled dimly how much she wanted a future for me that I couldn't imagine at the time, praying every night when she said grace at dinner that I would be obedient like a son should be... I could remember my father briefly. He hated the future my mother wanted for me as much as I did and left us, bankrupting the family business. Since that day, my mother pushed me harder and harder to become perfect, yet I ignored her wants and enlisted for the war that was to come. I had felt no yearning in my life. There was no love that had made me wish to stay...

This was entirely new to me. I had no parallels to draw, no comparison to make.

The love I felt for Masato had come purely, but now the waters were muddied. I wanted very much to be able to touch him. Did he feel the same way?

That didn't matter, I tried to convince myself.

I stared at my white hands, hating their hardness, their coldness, their inhuman strength...

I jumped when the passenger door opened.

 _Ha. Caught you by surprise. There's a first,_ Syo thought as he slid into the seat. "I'll bet Mrs. Giuliani thinks you're on drugs, you've been so erratic lately. Where were you today?"

"I was... doing good deeds."

 _Huh?_

I chuckled. "Caring for the sick, that kind of thing."

That confused him more, but then he inhaled and caught the scent in the car.

"Oh. The boy again?"

I grimaced.

 _This is getting weird._

"Tell me about it," I mumbled.

He inhaled again. "Hmm, he does have quite a flavor, doesn't he?"

The snarl broke through my lips before his words had even registered all the way, an automatic response.

"Easy, kid, I'm just sayin'."

The others arrived then. Ai noticed the scent at once and glowered at me, still not over his irritation at me. I wondered what his problem was, but all I could hear from him was insults.

I didn't like Natsuki's reaction, either. Like Syo, he noticed Masato's appeal. Not that the scent had, for either of them, a thousandth portion of the draw it had for me. I was still upset that his blood was sweet to them. Natsuki had poor control...

Haruka skipped to my side of the car and held out her hand for Masato's car key.

"I only saw that I was," she said - obscurely, as was her habit. "You'll have to tell me the whys."

"This doesn't mean-"

"I know, Tokiya. I promise I'll wait. It won't be long."

I sighed and gave her the key.

I followed her to Masato's house. The rain was pounding down like a million tiny hammers, so loud that maybe Masato's human ears couldn't hear his car's engine. I watched his window, but he didn't come to look out. Maybe he wasn't there. There were no thoughts to hear.

It made me sad that I couldn't hear enough to even check on him - to make sure he was happy, or safe, at the least.

Haruka climbed in the back and we sped home. The roads were empty, and so it only took a few minutes. We trooped into the house, and then went to our various pastimes.

Syo and Natsuki were in the middle of an elaborate game of chess, utilizing eight joined boards - spread out along the glass back wall - and their own complicated set of rules. They wouldn't let me play; only Haruka would play games with me anymore.

Haruka went to her computer just around the corner from them and I could hear her monitors sing to life. Haruka was working on an exquisite song composition for Ai, but Ai did not join her today, to stand behind her and direct time and notation as Haruka's hand traced over the staff paper tracing notes on the touch sensitive screens (Ryuya and I had to tweak that system a bit, given that most such screens responded to temperature). Instead, today Ai sprawled sullenly on the sofa and started flipping through twenty channels a second on the flat screen, never pausing. I could hear him trying to decide whether or not to go out to the garage and tune his Tesla again.

Ringo was upstairs, humming over a new set of blueprints.

Haruka leaned her head around the wall after a moment and started mouthing Syo's next moves - Syo sat on the floor with his back to her - to Natsuki, who kept his expression very smooth as he cut off Syo's favorite knight.

And I, for the first time in so long that I felt ashamed, went to sit at the grand piano stationed just off the entryway.

I ran my hand gently up the scales, testing the pitch. The tuning was still perfect.

Upstairs, Ringo paused what he was doing and cocked his head to the side.

I began the first line of the tune that had suggested itself to me in the car today, pleased that it sounded even better than I'd imagined.

 _Tokiya is playing again,_ Ringo thought joyously, a smile breaking across his face. He got up from his desk, and flitted silently to the head of the stairs.

I added a harmonizing line, letting the central melody weave through it.

Ringo sighed with contentment, sat down on the top step, and leaned his head against the banister. _A new song. It's been so long. What a lovely tune._

I let the melody lead in a new direction, following it with the bass line.

 _Tokiya is composing again?_ Ai thought, and his teeth clenched together in fierce resentment.

In that moment, he slipped, and I could read all his underlying outrage. I saw why he was in such a poor temper with me. Why killing Masato Hijirikawa had not bothered his conscience at all.

With Ai, it was always about practicality.

The music came to an abrupt halt, and I laughed before I could help myself, a sharp bark of amusement that broke off quickly as I threw my hand over my mouth.

Ai turned to glare at me, his eyes sparking with chagrined fury.

Syo and Natsuki turned to stare, too, and I heard Ringo's confusion. Ringo was downstairs in a flash, pausing to glance between Ai and me.

"Don't stop, Tokiya," Ringo encouraged after a strained moment.

I started playing again, turning my back on Ai while trying very hard to control the grin stretching across my face. He got to his feet and stalked out of the room, more angry than annoyed. But certainly annoyed.

 _If you say anything, I will hunt you down like we should be doing to the boy._

I smothered another laugh.

"What's wrong, Ai?" Syo called after him. Ai didn't turn. He continued, back ramrod straight, to the garage and then squirmed under his car as if he could stay there forever.

"What's that about?" Syo asked me.

"I don't have the faintest idea," I lied.

Syo grumbled, frustrated.

"Keep playing," Ringo urged. My hands had paused again.

I did as he asked, and he came to stand behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

The song was compelling, but incomplete. I toyed with a bridge, but it didn't seem right somehow.

"It's charming. Does it have a name?" Ringo asked.

"Not yet."

"Is there a story to it?" He asked, a smile in his voice. This gave him very great pleasure, and I felt guilty for having neglected my music for so long. It had been selfish.

"It's... a lullaby, I suppose." I got the bridge right then. It led easily to the next movement, taking on a life of its own.

"A lullaby," he repeated to himself.

There _was_ a story to this melody, and once I saw that, the pieces fell into place effortlessly. The story was a sleeping boy in a narrow bed, dark hair thick and wild and twisted like seaweed across the pillow...

Haruka left Natsuki on his own devices and came to sit next to me on the bench. In her trilling, wind chime voice, she sketched out a wordless descant two octaves above the melody.

"I like it," I murmured. "But how about this?"

I added her line to the harmony - my hands were flying across the keys now to work all the pieces together - modifying it a bit, taking it in a new direction...

She caught the mood, and sung along.

"Yes. Perfect," I said.

Ringo squeezed my shoulder.

But I could see the end now, with Haruka's voice rising above the tune and taking it to another place. I could see how the song must end, because the sleeping boy was perfect just the way he was, and any change at all would be wrong, a sadness. The song drifted toward that realization, slower and lower now. Haruka's voice lowered, too, and became solemn, a tone that belonged under the echoing arches of a candlelit cathedral.

I played the last note, and then bowed my head over the keys.

Ringo stroked my hair. _It's going to be fine, Tokiya. This is going to work out for the best. You deserve happiness. Fate owes you that._

"Thanks," I whispered, wishing I could believe it.

 _Love doesn't always come in convenient packages._

I laughed once without humor.

 _You, out of everyone on this planet, are perhaps best equipped to deal with such a difficult quandary. You are the best and the brightest of us all._

I sighed. Every father thought the same of his son.

Ringo was still full of joy that my heart had finally been touched after all this time, no matter the potential for tragedy. He'd thought I would always be alone...

 _He'll have to love you back,_ he thought suddenly, catching me by surprise with the direction of his thoughts. _If he's a bright boy._ He smiled. _But I can't imagine anyone being so slow they wouldn't see the catch you are._

"Stop it, you're making me blush," I teased. His words, though improbable, did cheer me up.

Haruka laughed and picked out the top hand of "Heart and Soul." I grinned and completed the simple harmony with her. Then I favored her with a performance of "Chopsticks."

She giggled, then sighed. "So I wish you'd tell me what you were laughing at Ai about," Haruka said. "But I can see that you won't."

"Nope."

She flicked my ear with her finger.

"Be nice, Haruka," Ringo chided. "Tokiya is being a gentleman."

"But I want to _know_."

I laughed at the whining tone she put on. Then I said, "Here, Ringo," and began playing his favorite song, unnamed tribute to the love that I'd watched between him and Ryuya for so many years.

"Thank you, dear." He squeezed my shoulder again.

I didn't have to concentrate to play the familiar piece. Instead I thought of Ai, still figuratively writhing in mortification in the garage, and I grinned to myself.

Having just discovered the potency of jealousy for myself, I had a small amount of pity for him. It was a wretched way to feel. Of course, his jealousy was a thousand times more petty than mine. Quite the fox in the manger scenario.

I wondered how Ai's life and personality would have been different if he had not always been the most intelligent. Would he have been a happier person if knowledge hadn't at all times been his strongest selling point? Less cruel and calculative? More compassionate? Well, I supposed it was useless to wonder, because the past was done, and he had _always_ been the smartest. Even when human, he had ever lived in the spotlight of his own intelligence. Not that he minded. The opposite - he'd loved the feeling of superiority that came with it. That hadn't changed with the loss of his mortality.

It was no surprise then, taking this need as a given, that he'd been offended when I had not, from the beginning, worshipped his knowledge the way he expected everyone to worship. Not that he wanted _me_ to care - far from it. But it had aggravated him that I did not acknowledge him, despite that. He was used to being above others.

It was different with Natsuki and Ryuya - they had already found someone to love. I was completely unattached, and yet still remained obstinately unmoved.

I'd thought that old resentment was buried. That he was long passed it.

And he had been... until the day that I finally found someone who I bothered to listen to, from Ai's point of view.

Ai had relied on the belief that if I did not care to listen to him worth listening to, then certainly there was no intelligence on earth that would reach me. He'd been furious since the moment I'd saved Masato's life, guessing, with his shrewd intuition, the interest that I was all but unconscious of myself.

Ai was mortally offended that I found some insignificant human more interesting than him.

I suppressed the urge to laugh again.

It bothered me some, though, the way he saw Masato. Ai actually thought the boy was _average_. How could he believe that? It seemed incomprehensible to me. A product of jealousy, no doubt.

"Oh!" Haruka said abruptly. "Natsuki and Syo, guess what?"

I saw what she'd just seen, and my hands froze on the keys.

"What, Haruka?" Natsuki asked. Syo looked up in her direction.

"Daiki and Kaoru are coming to visit next week! They're going to be in the neighborhood, isn't that nice?"

"What's wrong, Tokiya?" Ringo asked, feeling the tension in my shoulders.

"Daiki and Kaoru are coming to _Utashinai_?" I hissed at Haruka.

She smiled brightly at me. "Calm down, Tokiya. It's not their first visit."

My teeth clenched together. It _was_ their first visit since Masato had arrived, and his sweet blood didn't appeal to just me.

Haruka frowned at my expression. "They never hunt here. You know that."

But Natsuki's and Syo's brothers of sorts were not like us; they hunted the usual way. They could not be trusted around Masato.

"When?" I demanded.

She pursed her lips unhappily, but told me what I needed to know. _Monday morning. No one is going to hurt Masato._

"No," I agreed, and then turned away from her. "Are you ready, Syo?"

"I thought we were leaving in the morning?"

"We're coming back by midnight Sunday. I guess it's up to you when you want to leave."

"Okay, fine. Let me say goodbye to Ai first."

"Sure." With the mood Ai was in, it would be a short goodbye.

 _You really have lost it, Tokiya,_ he thought as he headed toward the back door.

"I suppose I have."

"Play the new song for me, one more time," Ringo asked.

"If you'd like that," I agreed, though I was a little hesitant to follow the tune to its unavoidable end - the end that had set me aching in unfamiliar ways. I thought for a moment, and then pulled the bottle cap from my pocket and set it on the empty music stand. That helped a bit - my little memento of his _yes._

I nodded to myself, and started playing.

Ringo and Haruka exchanged a glance, but neither one asked.

.

. . .

.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you not to play with your food?" I called to Syo.

"Oh, hey Tokiya!" he shouted back, grinning and waving at me. The bear took advantage of his distraction to rake its heavy paw across Syo's chest. The sharp claws shredded through his shirt and squealed across his skin.

The bear bellowed at the same high-pitched noise.

 _Aw hell, Ai gave me this shirt!_

Syo roared back at the enraged animal.

I sighed and sat down on a convenient boulder. This might take awhile.

But Syo was almost done. He let the bear try to take his head off with another swipe of the paw, laughing as the blow bounced off and sent the bear staggering back. The bear roared and Syo roared again through his laughter. Then he launched himself at the animal, who stood a head taller than him on its hind legs, and their bodies fell to the ground tangled up together, taking a mature spruce tree down with them. The bear's growls cut off with a gurgle.

A few minutes later, Syo jogged over to where I was waiting for him. His shirt was destroyed, torn and bloodied, sticky with sap and covered in fur. His blond hair wasn't in much better shape. He had a huge grin on his face.

"That was a strong one. I could almost feel it when he clawed me."

"You're such a child, Syo."

He eyed my smooth, clean white button-down. "Weren't you able to track down that mountain lion, then?"

"Of course I was. I just don't eat like a savage."

Syo laughed his booming laugh. "I wish they were stronger. It would be more fun."

"No one said you had to fight your food."

"Yeah, but who else am I going to fight with? You and Haruka cheat, Ai thinks it's irrelevant to everything, and Ringo gets mad if Natsuki and I _really_ go at it."

"Life is hard all around, isn't it?"

Syo grinned at me, shifting his weight a bit so that he was suddenly poised to take a charge.

"C'mon Tokiya. Just turn it off for one minute and fight fair."

"It doesn't turn off," I reminded him.

"Wonder what that human boy does to keep you out?" Syo mused. "Maybe he could give me some pointers."

My good humor vanished. "Stay away from him," I growled through my teeth.

"Touchy, touchy."

I sighed. Syo came to sit beside me on the rock.

"Sorry. I know you're going through a tough spot. I really am trying not to be _too_ much of an insensitive jerk, but, since that's sort of my natural state..."

He waited for me to laugh at his joke and then made a face.

 _So serious all the time. What's bugging you now?_

"Thinking about him. Well, worrying, really."

"What's there to worry about? _You_ are _here."_ He laughed loudly.

I ignored his joke again, but answered his question. "Have you ever thought about how fragile they all are? How many bad things there are that can happen to a mortal?"

"Not really. I guess I see what you mean, though. I wasn't much match for a bear that first time around, was I?"

"Bears," I muttered, adding a new fear to the pile. "That would be just his luck, wouldn't it? Stray bear in town. Of course it would head straight for Masato."

Syo chuckled. "You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?"

"Just imagine for one minute that Ai was human, Syo. And he could run into a bear... or get hit by a car... or _lightening_... or fall down stairs... or get sick - get a _disease!_ " The words burst from me stormily. It was a relief to let them out - they'd been festering inside me all weekend. "Fires and earthquakes and tornadoes! Ugh! When's the last time you watched the news? Have you _seen_ the kinds of things that happen to them? Burglaries and homicides..." My teeth clenched together, and I was abruptly infuriated by the idea of another _human_ hurting him that I couldn't breathe.

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up there, kid. He lives in Utashinai, remember? So he gets rained on." He shrugged.

"I think he has some serious bad luck, Syo, I really do. Look at the evidence. Of all the places in the world he could go, he ends up in a town where _vampires_ make up a significant portion of the population."

"Yeah, but we're vegetarians. So isn't that good luck, not bad?"

"With the way he smells? Definitely bad. And then, more bad luck, the way he smells to _me_." I glowered at my hands, hating them.

"Except that you have more self-control than just about anyone but Ryuya. Good luck again."

"The car?"

"That was just an accident."

"You should have seen it coming for him, Syo, again and again. I swear, it was like he had some kind of magnetic pull."

"But you were there. That was good luck."

"Was it? Isn't this the worst luck any human could ever possibly have - to have a _vampire_ fall in _love_ with them?"

Syo considered that quietly for a moment. He pictured the boy in his head, and found the image uninteresting. _Honestly, I can't really see the draw._

"Well, I can't really see Ai's allure either," I said rudely. " _Honestly_ , he seems like more work than any pretty face is worth."

Syo chuckled. "I don't suppose you'd tell me..."

"I don't know what his problem is, Syo," I lied with a sudden, wide grin.

I saw his intent in time to brace myself. He tried to shove me off the rock, and there was a loud cracking sound as a fissure opened in the stone between us.

"Cheater," he muttered.

I waited for him to try another time, but his thoughts took a different direction.

He was picturing Masato's face again, but imagining it whiter, imagining his eyes bright red...

"No," I said, my voice strangled.

"It solves your worries about mortality, doesn't it? And then you wouldn't want to kill him, either. Isn't that the best way?"

"For me? Or for him?"

"For you," he answered easily. His tone added the _of course_.

I laughed humorlessly. "Wrong answer."

"I didn't mind so much," he reminded me.

"Ai did."

He sighed. We both knew Ai would do anything, give up anything, if it meant he could be human again. Even Syo.

"Yeah, Ai did," he acquiesced quietly.

"I can't... I shouldn't... I'm _not_ going to ruin Masato's life. Wouldn't you feel the same, if it were Ai?"

Syo thought about that for a moment. _You really... love him?_

"I can't even describe it, Syo. All of a sudden, this boy's the whole world to me. I don't see the _point_ of the rest of the world without him anymore."

 _But you won't change him? He won't last forever, Tokiya._

"I know that," I groaned.

 _And, as you've pointed out, he's sort of breakable._

"Trust me - that I know, too."

Syo was not a tactful person, and delicate discussions were not his forte. He struggled now, wanting very much not to be offensive.

 _Can you even touch him? I mean, if you_ love _him... wouldn't you want to, well,_ touch _him...?_

Syo and Ai shared an intensely physical love, despite how unbelievable it seemed. He had a hard time understanding how one _could_ love without that aspect.

I sighed. "I can't even think of that, Syo."

 _Wow. So what are your options then?_

"I don't know," I whispered. "I'm trying to figure out a way to... to leave him. I just can't fathom how to make myself stay away..."

With a deep sense of gratification, I suddenly realized that it was _right_ for me to stay - at least for now, with Kaoru and Daiki on their way. He was safer with me here, temporarily, than he would be if I were gone. For the moment, I could be him unlikely protector.

The thought made me anxious; I itched to be back so that I could fill that role for as long as possible.

Syo noticed the change in my expression. _What are you thinking about?_

"Right now," I admitted a bit sheepishly," I'm dying to run back to Utashinai and check on him. I don't know if I'll make it till Sunday night."

"Uh-uh! You are _not_ going home early. Let Ai cool down a little bit. PLease! For my sake."

"I'll try to stay," I said doubtfully.

Syo tapped the phone in my pocket. "Haruka would call if there were any basis for your panic attack. She's as weird about this boy as you are."

I grimaced at that. "Fine. But I'm not staying past Sunday."

"There's no point in hurrying back - it's going to be sunny, anyway. Haruka said we were free from school until Wednesday."

I shook my head rigidly.

"Kaoru and Daiki know how to behave themselves."

"I really don't care, Syo. With Masato's luck, she'll go wandering off into the woods at exactly the wrong moment and-" I flinched. "Daiki isn't know for his self-control. I'm going back Sunday."

Syo sighed. _Exactly like a crazy person._

 _._

 _. . ._

 _._

Masato was sleeping peacefully when I climbed up to his bedroom window early Monday morning. I'd remembered oli this time, and the window now moved silently out of the way.

I could tell by the way his hair lay smooth across the pillow that he'd had a less restless night than the last time I was here. He had his hands folded under his cheek like a small child, and his mouth was slightly open. I could hear his breath moving slowly in and out between his lips.

It was an amazing relief to be here, to be able to see him again. I realized that I wasn't truly at ease unless that was the case. Nothing was right when I was away from him.

Not that all was right when I was with him either, though. I sighed, letting the thirst rake fire through my throat. I'd been away from it too long. The time spent without pain and temptation made it all the more forceful now. It was bad enough that I was afraid to go kneel beside his bed so that I could read the titles of his books. I wanted to know the stories in his head, but I was afraid of more than my thirst, afraid that if I let myself get that close to him, I would want to be closer still...

His lips looked very soft and warm. I could imagine touching them with the tip of my finger. Just lightly...

That was exactly the kind of mistake I had to avoid.

My eyes ran over his face again and again, examining it for changes. Mortals changed all the time - I was sad at the thought of missing anything...

I thought he looked... tired. Like he hadn't gotten enough sleep this weekend. Had he gone out?

I laughed silently and wryly at how much that upset me. So what if he had? I didn't own him. He wasn't mine.

No, he wasn't mine - and I was sad again.

One of his hands twitched, and I noticed that there were shallow, barely healed scrapes across the heel of his palm. He'd been hurt? Even though it obviously not a serious injury, it still disturbed me. I considered the location and decided he must have tripped. That seemed a reasonable explanation, all things considered.

It was comforting to think that I wouldn't have to puzzle over either of these small mysteries forever. We were _friends_ now - or at least trying to be friends. I could ask him about his weekend - about the beach, and whatever late night activity had made him look so weary. I could ask what had happened to his hands. And I could laugh a little when he confirmed my theory about them.

I smiled gently as I wondered whether or not he _had_ fallen in the ocean. I wondered if he'd had a pleasant time on the outing. I wondered if he'd thought about me at all. If he'd missed me even the tiniest portion of the amount that I'd missed him.

I tried to picture him in the sun on the beach. The picture was incomplete, though, because I'd never been to Otaru Beach myself. I only knew how it looked in pictures...

I felt a tiny qualm of unease as I thought about the reason why I'd never once been to the pretty beach located just a few minutes run from my home. Masato had spent the day at Otaru Beach - a place where I was forbidden, by treaty, to go. A place where a few old men still remembered the stories about us, remembered and believed them. A place where our secret was known...

I shook my head. I had nothing to worry about there. The Ainu were bound by treaty, too. Even had Masato run into one of those aging sages, they could reveal nothing. And why would the subject ever be broached? Why would Masato think to voice his curiosity there? No - the Ainu were perhaps the _one_ thing I did not have to worry about.

I was angry with the sun when it began to rise. It reminded me that I could not satisfy my curiosity for days to come. Why did it choose to shine now?

With a sigh, I ducked out his window before it was light enough for anyone to see me here. I meant to stay in the thick forest by his house and see him off to school, but when I got into the trees, I was surprised to find the trace of his scent lingering on the trail there.

I followed it quickly, curiously, becoming more and more worried as it led deeper into the darkness. What had Masato been doing out _here_?

The trail stopped abruptly, in the middle of nowhere in particular. He'd gone just a few steps off the trail, into the ferns, where he'd touched the trunk of a fallen tree. Perhaps sat there...

I sat where he had and looked around. All he would have been able to see was ferns and forest. It had probably been raining - the scent was washed out, having never set deeply into the tree.

Why would Masato have come to sit here alone - and he had been alone, no doubt about that - in the middle of the wet, murky forest?

It made no sense, and unlike those other points of curiosity, I could hardly bring this up in casual conversation.

 _So, Masato, I was following your scent through the woods after I left your room where I'd been watching you sleep..._ Yes, that would be quite the ice breaker.

I would never know what he'd been thinking and doing here, and that had my teeth grinding together in frustration. Worse, this was far too much like the scenario I'd imagined for Syo - Masato wandering alone in the woods, where his scent would call to anyone who had the senses to track it...

I groaned. Not only did he have bad luck, but he courted it.

Well, for this moment he had a protector. I would watch over him, keep him from harm, for as long as I could justify it.

I suddenly found myself wishing that Daiki and Kaoru would make an extended stay.


	8. Ghost

I did not see much of Natsuki's and Syo's guests for the two sunny days that they were in Utashinai. I only went home at all so that Ringo wouldn't worry. Otherwise, my existence seemed more like that of a specter than a vampire. I hovered, invisible in the shadows, where I could follow the object of my love and obsession - where I could see him and hear him in the minds of the lucky humans who could walk through the sunlight beside him, sometimes accidentally brushing the back of his hand with their own. He never reacted to such contact; their hands were just as warm as his.

The enforced absence from school had never been a trial like this before. But the sun seemed to make him happy, so I could not resent it too much. Anything that pleased him was in my good graces.

Monday morning, I eavesdropped on a conversation that had the potential to destroy my confidence and make the time spent away from him a torture. As it ended up, though, it rather made my day.

I had to feel some little respect for Otoya Ittoki; he had not simply given up and slunk away to nurse his wounds. He had more bravery than I'd given him credit for. He was going to try again.

Masato got to school quite early and, seeming intent on enjoying the sun while it lasted, sat at one of the seldom used picnic benches while he waited for the first bell to ring. His hair caught the sun in unexpected ways, giving off a light blue almost lavender shine that I had not anticipated.

Otoya found him there, writing sheet music again, and was thrilled at his good luck.

It was agonizing to only be able to watch, powerless, bound to the forest's shadows by the bright light.

He greeted Otoya with enough enthusiasm to make him ecstatic, and me the opposite.

 _See, he likes me. He wouldn't smile like that if he didn't. I bet he wanted to go to the dance together. Wonder what's so important in Sapporo..._

He perceived the change in his hair. "I never noticed before - your hair has purple in it."

I accidentally uprooted the young spruce tree my hand was resting on when he pinched a strand of his hair between his fingers and then laughed.

"Only in the sun," he said. To my deep satisfaction, he cringed away from him slightly when he tucked the strand behind his ear.

It took Otoya a minute to build up his courage, wasting some time on small talk.

Masato reminded him of the essay we all had due on Wednesday. From the faintly unimpressed expression on Masato's face, his was already done. Otoya had forgotten altogether, and that severely diminished his free time.

 _Dang - stupid essay._

Finally he got to the point - my teeth were clenched so hard they could have pulverized granite - and even then, he couldn't make himself ask the question outright.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go out. A-As friends, of course!"

"Oh," he said.

There was a brief silence.

 _Oh? What does that mean? Did I say something wrong? Should I have said as more than friends? Wouldn't that have been too much? Wait - I guess I didn't really ask._

He swallowed hard.

"Well, we could go to dinner or something... and I could work on it later."

 _Stupid - that wasn't a question either._

"Otoya..."

The agony and fury of my jealousy was every whit as powerful as it had been last week. I broke another tree trying to hold myself here. I wanted so badly to race across the campus, too fast for human eyes, and snatch him up - to steal him away from the boy that I hated so much in this moment I could have killed him and enjoyed it.

Would he say yes to Otoya?

"I don't think that would be the best idea."

I breathed again. My rigid body relaxed.

 _Sapporo was just an excuse after all. Shouldn't have asked. What was I thinking? Bet it's because of Tokiya..._

"Why?" he asked sullenly.

"I think..." he hesitated. "And if you ever repeat what I'm saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death-"

I laughed out loud at the sound of a death threat coming through her lips. A jay shrieked, startled, and launched itself away from me.

"But I think that would hurt Saki's feelings."

"Saki?" _What? But... Oh. Okay. I guess... So... Huh._

His thoughts were no longer coherent.

"Really, Otoya, are you _blind_ _?_ "

I echoed his sentiment. He shouldn't expect everyone to be as perceptive as he was, but really this instance was beyond obvious. With as much trouble as Otoya had working himself up to ask Masato out, did he imagine it wasn't just as difficult for Saki? It must be selfishness that made him blind to others. Although it could've been how oblivious he was to most things. And Masato was so unselfish, he saw everything.

 _Saki. Huh. Wow. Huh._ "Oh," he managed to say.

Masato used his confusion to make his exit.

"It's time for class, and I can't be late again."

Otoya became an unreliable viewpoint from then on. He found, as he turned the idea of Saki around and around in his head, that he rather liked the thought of her finding him attractive. It was second place, not as good as if Masato had felt that way.

 _She's cute, though. Wow... I didn't know she would like me..._

He was off then, on to new fantasies that were just as oblivious as the ones about Masato, but now they only irritated rather than infuriated. How little he deserved either one of them; they were almost interchangeable to him, not that much of it was his fault. I stayed clear of his head after that.

When he was out of sight, I curled up against the cool trunk of an enormous madrone tree and I danced from mind to mind, keeping him in sight, always glad when Yuki Song was available to look through. I wished there was someway to thank the Song girl for simply being a nice person. It made me feel better to think that Masato had one friend worth having.

I watched Masato's face from whichever angle I was given, and I could see that he was sad again. This surprised me - I thought the sun would be enough to keep him smiling. At lunch, I saw him glance time and time again toward my family's empty table, and that thrilled me. It gave me hope. Perhaps he missed me, too.

He had plans to go out with a few of the girls - I automatically planned my own surveillance - but these plans were postponed when Otoya invited Saki out on the date he'd planned for Masato.

So I went straight to his home instead, doing a quick sweep of the woods to make sure no one dangerous had wandered too close. I knew Natsuki had warned his one-time brother to avoid the town - citing my insanity as both explanation and warning - but I wasn't taking any chances. Daiki and Kaoru had no intention of causing animosity with my family, but intentions were changeable things...

All right, I was overdoing it. I knew that.

As if he knew I was watching, as if he took pity on the agony I felt when I couldn't see him, Masato came out to the backyard after a long hour indoors. He had a book in his hand and a blanket under his arm.

Silently, I climbed into the higher branches of the closest tree overlooking the yard.

He spread the blanket on the damp grass and then lay on his stomach and started flipping through the worn book, as if trying to find his place. I read over his shoulder.

Interesting. I wouldn't have thought he would read folklore written from Naoyuki Ichinose

He read quickly, shifting from side to side. I was watching the sunlight and wind play in his hair when his body suddenly stiffened, and his hand froze on the page. All I saw was that he'd reached a significant part of the story when he roughly grabbed a thick section of pages and shoved them over.

I couldn't catch a glimpse of the title page, not that it entirely mattered. He was starting a new story - a novel this time but by the same author. I wondered why he's switched stories so abruptly.

Just a few moments later, he slammed the book angrily shut. With a fierce scowl on his face, he pushed the book aside and flipped over onto his back. He took a deep breath, as if to calm himself, pushed his sleeves up and closed his eyes. It hit me what the novel was, but I couldn't think of anything offensive in it to upset him. Another mystery. I sighed.

He lay very still, moving just once to yank his hair away from his face. It fanned out over his head, a river of deep blue. And then he was motionless again.

His breathing slowed. After several long minutes, his lips began to tremble. Mumbling in his sleep/

Impossible to resist. I listened as far out as I could, catching voices in the houses nearby.

 _two tablespoons of flour... one cup of milk..._

 _C'mon! Get it through the hoop! Aw, c'mon!_

 _Red, or blue... or maybe I should wear something more casual..._

There was no one close by. I jumped to the ground, landing silently on my toes.

This was very wrong, very risky. How condescendingly I'd once judged Syo for his thoughtless ways and Natsuki for his lack of discipline - and now I was consciously flouting all the rules with a wild abandon that made their lapses look like nothing at all. I used to be the responsible one.

I sighed, but crept out into the sunshine, regardless.

I avoided looking at myself in the sun's glare. It was bad enough that my skin was stone and inhuman in shadow; I didn't want to look at Masato and myself side by side in the sunlight. The difference between us was already insurmountable, painful enough without this image also in my head.

But I couldn't ignore the feeling of weakness as I lingered in the sun. I glanced down at my hands and turned to look at Masato's, hating myself for almost enjoying the way I looked more human next to him. My jaw locked at the sight. Could I be any more disgusting of a creature? I could imagine the shock on his face if he opened his eyes now... Witnessing the differences between me from before and now...

I started to retreat, but he mumbled again, holding me there.

"Mmm... Mmm."

Nothing intelligible. Well, I would wait for a bit.

I carefully stole his book, stretching my arm out and holding my breath while I was close, just in case. I started breathing again when I was a few yards away, tasting the way the sunshine and open air affected his scent. The heat seemed to sweeten the smell. My throat flamed with desire, the fire fresh and fierce again because I had been away from him for too long.

I spent a moment controlling that, and then - forcing myself to breathe through my nose - I let his book fall open in my hands. He'd started with the first half... I flipped through the pages quickly to the section he stopped at, searching for something potentially offensive in Ichinose's work.

When I closed the book and grazed the author's name that came so close to my own, Masato spoke again.

"Mmm. Tokiya." He sighed.

This time I did not fear that he had awoken. His voice was just a low, wistful murmur. Not the scream of fear it would have been if he'd seen me now.

Joy warred with self-loathing. He was still dreaming of me, at least.

"Toru. No..."

Toru?

Ha! She wasn't dreaming of me at all, I realized blackly. The self-loathing returning in force. He was dreaming of fictional characters. I could understand why he'd said my name instead. I aggravated him so often that his mind went to my name instead of the character Toru, who'd he had just read about. So much for my conceit.

I replaced his book and stole back into the cover of the shadows - where I belonged.

The afternoon passed and I watched, feeling helpless again as the sun slowly sank in the sky and shadows crawled across the lawn toward him. I wanted to push them back, but the darkness was inevitable; the shadows took him. When the light was gone, his skin looked too pale - ghostly. His hair was dark again, almost black against his face.

It was a frightening thing to watch - like witnessing Haruka's visions come to fruition. Masato's steady, strong heartbeat was the only reassurance, the sound that kept this moment from feeling like a nightmare.

I was relieved when his mother arrived home.

I could hear little from her as she drove down the street toward the house. Some vague annoyance... in the past, something from her day at work. Expectation mixed with hunger - I guessed that she was looking forward to dinner. But her thoughts were so quiet and contained that I could not be sure I was right; I only got the gist of them.

I wondered what his father sounded like - what the genetic combination had been that had formed him so uniquely.

Masato started awake, jerking up to a sitting position when the tires of his mother's car hit the concrete driveway. He stared around himself, seeming confused by the unexpected darkness. For one brief moment, his eyes touched the shadows where I hid, but they flickered quickly away.

"Misaki?" he asked in a low voice, still peering into the trees surrounding the small yard.

The door of her car slammed shut, and he looked to the sound. He got to his feet quickly and gathered his things, casting one more look back towards the woods.

I moved into a tree closer to the back window near the kitchen and listened to their evening. It was interesting to compare Misaki's words to her muffled thoughts. Her love and concern for her only son were nearly overwhelming, and yet her words were always terse and casual. Most of the time, they sat in companionable silence.

I heard him discuss his plans for the following evening in Chitose, and I refined my own plans as I listened. Natsuki had not warned Daiki and Kaoru to stay clear of Chitose. Though I knew that they had fed recently and had no intention of hunting anywhere in the vicinity of our home, I would watch him, just in case. After all, there were always others of my kind out there. And then, all those human dangers that I had never much considered before now.

I heard him worry aloud about leaving his mother to prepare dinner alone, and smiled at this proof to my theory - yes, he was a caretaker.

And then I left, knowing I would return when he was asleep.

I would not trespass on his privacy the way the peeping tom would have. I was here for his protection, not to leer at him in the way Otoya Ittoki would accidentally find himself doing, were he agile enough to move through the treetops the way I could. I would not treat Masato so crassly.

My house was empty when I returned, which was fine by me. I didn't miss the confused or disparaging thoughts, questioning my sanity. Syo had left a note stuck to the newel post.

 _Football at the Shokanbetsu field - c'mon! Please?_

I found a pen and scrawled the word _sorry_ beneath his plea. The teams were even without me, in any case.

I went for the shortest of hunting trips, contenting myself with the smaller, gentler creatures that did not taste as good as the hunters, and then changed into fresh clothes before I ran back to Utashinai.

Masato did not sleep as well tonight. He thrashed in his blankets, his face sometimes worried, sometimes sad. I wondered what nightmare haunted him... and then realized that perhaps I really didn't want to know.

When he spoke, he mostly muttered derogatory things about Utashinai in a glum voice. Only once, when he sighed out the words "Come back" and his hand twitched open - a wordless plea - did I have a chance to hope he might be dreaming of me.

The next day of school, the _last_ day the sun would hold me prisoner, was much the same as the day before. Masato seemed even gloomier than yesterday, and I wondered if he would bow out of his plans - he didn't seem in the mood.

But, being Masato, he would probably put his friends' enjoyment above that of his own.

He wore a maroon sweater, and the color set off his skin perfectly, more so than I would've imagined.

School ended, and Saki agreed to pick the others up - Yuki was going, too, for which I was grateful. I didn't like the idea of Masato going on a trip with them to help them decide on something as frivolous as dresses for the spring dance, but they insisted he go. They wanted a males opinion. Or so they claimed was the only intention.

I went home to get my car. When I found that Daiki and Kaoru were there, I decided I could afford to give them an hour or so for a head start. I would never be able to bear following behind them, driving at the speed limit - a hideous thought.

I came in through the kitchen, nodding vaguely at Syo's and Ringo's greetings as I passed by everyone in the front room and went straight to the piano.

 _Ugh, he's back already._ Ai, of course.

 _Ah, Tokiya. I hate to see him suffering so._ Ringo's joy was becoming marred by concern. He _should_ be concerned. This love story he envisioned for me was careening toward a tragedy more perceptible every moment.

 _Have fun in Chitose tonight,_ Haruka thought cheerfully. _Let me know when I'm allowed to talk to Masato._

 _You're pathetic. I can't believe you missed the game last night just to watch somebody sleep,_ Syo grumbled.

Natsuki paid me no mind, even when the song I played came out a little more stormily than I'd intended. It was an old song, with a familiar theme: impatience. Natsuki and Syo were saying goodbye to their friends, who eyed me curiously.

 _What a strange creature,_ the exact copy of Syo was thinking. _And he was so normal and pleasant the last time we met._

Daiki's thoughts were in sync with his, as was usually the case.

 _It must be the animals. The lack of human blood drives them mad eventually,_ he was concluding His hair was brown, chestnut to be precise, just as long as Kaoru's. They were very similar personality wise - their physical traits made them easy to differentiate, as Daiki was the complete opposite of Kaoru especially height was. Daiki was a foot taller than Kaoru. A well matched pair, I'd always thought. Syo wasn't always too happy with it, though.

Everyone but Ringo stopped thinking about me after a moment, and I played in more subdued tones so that I would not attract notice.

I did not pay attention to them for a long while, just letting the music distract me from my unease. It was hard to have the boy out of sight and mind. I only returned my attention to their conversation when the goodbyes grew more final.

"If you see Miyuki again," Natsuki was saying, a little warily, "tell her I wish her well."

Miyuki was the vampire who had created both Natsuki and Daiki - Natsuki in the latter half of the nineteenth century, Daiki more recently, in the nineteen forties. She'd looked Natsuki up once when we were in Samara. It had been an eventful visit - we'd had to move immediately. Natsuki had politely asked her to keep her distance in the future.

"I don't imagine that will happen soon," Daiki said with a laugh - Kaoru was undeniably dangerous and there was not much love lost between her and Daiki. Daiki had, after all, been instrumental in Natsuki's defection. Natsuki had always been Miyuki's favorite; she considered it a minor detail that she had once planned to kill him. "But should it happen, I certainly will."

They were shaking hands then, preparing to depart. I let the song I was playing trail off to an unsatisfying end, and got hastily to my feet.

"Kaoru, Daiki," I said, nodding.

"It was nice to see you again, Tokiya," Kaoru said doubtfully. Daiki just nodded in return.

 _Madman,_ Syo threw after me.

 _Imbecile,_ Ai thought at the same time.

 _Poor boy._ Ringo.

And Haruka, in a chiding tone. _They're going straight east, to Sapporo. Nowhere near Chitose._ She showed me the proof in her visions.

I pretended I hadn't heard that. My excuses were already flimsy enough.

Once in my car, I felt more relaxed; the robust purr of the engine Ai had boosted for me - last year, when he was in a better mood - was soothing. It was a relief to be in motion, to know that I was getting closer to Masato with every mile that flew under my tires.

.

. .

.

 **Forgivemeforgivemforgiveme! I'm really trying to get as much done as I can, but now that I have a vision of where one of my stories is going, I'm trying to finish that one. My goal is to go through the rest of the stories I'm writing and work on whichever one I feel is closer to an end and focus my attention on that. I'm not going to get anything done if I keep rotating between stories like I am right now. This chapter is short, but it needs to be. The next chapter has a lot in it, so this is going to be the relief before the storm. Please accept this for now! The next chapter should be out by next Saturday, but don't quote me on that. College classes start up again tomorrow, so most of my free time will be gone. I'm preparing myself for a study abroad program as well, so the next two months are going to be rough with updates. I would love if you could please be patient with me. I have a lot on my plate and getting to write a new chapter is difficult. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really do appreciate the love and support you give me.**


	9. Chitose

It was too bright for me to drive into town when I got to Chitose; the sun was still too high overhead, and, though my windows were tinted dark, there was no reason to take unnecessary risks. _More_ unnecessary risks, I should say.

I was certain I would be able to find Saki's thoughts from a distance - Saki's thoughts were louder than Yuki's, but once I found the first, I'd be able to hear the second. Then, when the shadows lengthened, I could get closer. For now, I pulled off the road onto an overgrown driveway just outside the town that appeared to be infrequently used.

I knew the general direction to search in - there was really only one popular spot to go dress shopping in Chitose. It wasn't long before I found Saki, spinning in front of a three way mirror, and I could see Masato in her peripheral vision, very clearly disinterested but trying his hardest to appear like he was.

 _Masato still looks pissed. Ha ha. Yuki was right - Kenji was full of it. I can't believe he's so upset about it, though. At least he knows he has a backup date for the prom. What if Otoya doesn't have fun at the dance, and he doesn't ask me out again? What if he asks Masato to the prom? Would he have asked Masato to the dance if I hadn't said anything? Is it because he's become more popular? Does Masato think he's better than the rest of us?_

 _"I think I like the blue one better. It really brings out your eyes."_

Saki smiled at Masato with false warmth, while eyeing him suspiciously.

 _Does he really think that? Or does he want me to look like a cow on Saturday? Why did Yuki want to bring him here anyway?_

I was already tired of listening to Saki. I searched close by for Yuki - ah, but Yuki was in the process of changing dresses, and I skipped quickly out of her head to give her some privacy.

Well, there wasn't much trouble Masato could get into a department store. I'd let them shop and then catch up with them when they were donee. It wouldn't be long until it was dark - the clouds were beginning to return, drifting in from the west. I could only catch glimpses of them through the thick trees, but I could see how they would hurry the sunset. I welcomed them, craved them more than I had ever yearned for their shadows before. Tomorrow I could sit beside Masato in school again, monopolize his attention at lunch again. I could ask him all the questions I'd been saving up...

So, he was furious about Kenji's presumption. I'd seen that in his head - that he'd meant it literally when he's spoken of the prom, that he was staking a claim. I pictured his expression from that other afternoon - the outraged disbelief - and I laughed. I wondered what he would say to Kenji about this. I wouldn't want to miss his reaction.

The time went slowly while I waited for the shadows to lengthen. I checked in periodically with Saki; her mental voice was the easiest to find, but I didn't like to linger there long. I saw the place they were planning to eat. It would be dark by dinner time... maybe I would coincidentally choose the same restaurant. I touched the phone in my pocket, thinking of inviting Haruka out to eat... She would love that, but she would also want to talk to Masato. I wasn't sure if I was ready to have Masato _more_ involved with my world. Wasn't one vampire trouble enough?

I checked in routinely with Saki again. She was thinking about her jewelry, asking Yuki's opinion.

 _"Maybe I should take the necklace back. I've got one at home that would probably work, and I spent more than I was supposed to..." My mom is going to freak out. What was I thinking?_

 _"I don't mind going back to the store. Do you think Masato will be looking for us, though?"  
_

What? Masato wasn't with them? I stared through Saki's eyes first, then switched to Yuki's. They were on the sidewalk in front of a line of shops, just turning back the other way. Masato was no where in sight.

 _Oh, who cares about Masato?_ Saki thought impatiently, before answering Yuki's question. _"He's fine. We'll get to the restaurant in plenty of time, even if we go back. Anyway, I think he wanted to be alone."_ I got a brief glimpse of the bookshop Saki thought Masato had gone to.

 _"Let's hurry then,"_ Yuki said. _I hope Masato doesn't think we ditched him. He was so nice to me in the car before... He's really a sweet person. But he seemed kind of blue all day. I wonder if it's because of Tokiya Ichinose? I'll bet that was why he was asking about his family..._

I should have been paying better attention. What had I missed here? Masato was off wandering by himself, and he'd been asking about me before? Yuki was paying attention to Saki now - Saki was babbling about that idiot Otoya - and I could get nothing more from him.

I judged the shadows. The sun would be behind the clouds soon enough. If I stayed on the west side of the road, where the buildings would shade the street from the fading light...

I started to feel anxious as I drove through the sparse traffic into the center of the town. This wasn't something I had considered - Masato taking off on his own - and I had no idea how to find him. I _should_ have considered it.

I knew Chitose well; I drove straight to the bookstore in Saki's head, hoping my search would be short, but doubting it would be so easy. When did Masato ever make it easy?

Sure enough, the little shop was empty except for the anachronistically dressed woman behind the counter. This didn't look like the kind of place Masato would be interested in - too new age for a practical person. I wondered if he'd even bothered to go in?

There was a patch of shade I could park in... It made a dark pathway right up to the overhang of the shop. I really shouldn't. Wandering around in the sunlight hours was not safe. What if a passing car threw the sun's reflection into the shade at just the wrong moment?

But I didn't know how else to look for Masato!

I parked and got out, keeping to the deepest side of the shadow. I strode quickly into the store, noting the faint trace of Masato's scent in the air. He had been here, on the sidewalk, but there was no hint of his fragrance inside the shop.

"Welcome! Can I help-" the saleswomen began to ask, but I was already out the door.

I followed Masato's scent as far as the shade would allow, stopping when I got to the edge of the sunlight.

How powerless it made me feel - fenced in by the line between dark and light that stretched across the sidewalk in front of me. So limited. It's not that I couldn't go in it. I could. I would just have to make sure no one caught me. That would be troublesome and could cost me more time than was necessary.

I could only guess that he'd continued across the street, heading south. There wasn't really much in that direction. Was he lost? Well, that possibility didn't sound entirely out of character.

I got back in the car and drove slowly through the streets, looking for him. I stepped out into a few other patches of shadow, but I only caught his scent once more, and the direction of it confused me. Where was he trying to go?

I drove back and forth between the bookstore and the restaurant a few times, hoping to see him on his way. Saki and Yuki were already there, trying to decide whether to order or to wait for Masato. Saki was pushing for ordering immediately.

I began flitting through the minds of strangers, looking through their eyes. Surely, someone must have seen him somewhere.

I got more and more anxious the longer he remained missing. I hadn't considered before how difficult he might prove to find once, like now, he was out of sight and off his normal paths. I didn't like it.

The clouds were massing on the horizon, and, in a few more minutes, I would be free to track him on foot. It wouldn't take me long then. It was only the sun that made me so helpless now. Just a few more minutes, and then the advantage would be mine again, and it would be the human world that was powerless.

Another mind and another. So many trivial thoughts.

 _...think the baby has another ear infection..._

 _Was it six-four-oh or six-oh-four...?_

 _Late again. I ought to tell him..._

 _Here he comes! Aha!_

There, at last, was his face. Finally, someone had noticed him!

The relief lasted for only a fraction of a second, and then I read more fully the thoughts of the man who was targeting him as prey.

His mind was a stranger to me, and yet, not totally unfamiliar. I had once hunted exactly such minds.

"No!" I roared, and a volley of snarls erupted from my throat. My foot shoved the gas pedal to the floor, but where was I going?

I knew the general location of his thoughts, but the knowledge was not specific enough. Something, there had to be something - a street sign, a store front, something in his sight that would give away his location. But Masato was deep in shadow, and the assailant's eyes were focused only on his frightened expression - enjoying the fear there.

His face was blurred in his mind by the memory of other faces. Masato was not his first victim.

The sounds of my growls shook the frame of the car, but did not distract me.

There were no windows in the wall behind him. Somewhere industrial, away from the populated shopping district. My car squealed around a corner, swerving past another vehicle, heading in what I hoped was the right direction. By the time the other driver honked, the sound was far behind me.

 _Look at him shaking!_ The man chuckled in anticipation. The fear was the draw for him - the part he enjoyed.

" _Stay away from me."_ His voice was low and steady, not a scream.

 _"Don't be like that, bro."_

He watched Masato flinch to a rowdy laugh that came from another direction. The assailant was irritated with the noise - _Shut up, Hiro!_ he thought - but he enjoyed the way he cringed. It excited him. He began to imagine Masato's pleas, the way he would beg...

I hadn't realized that there were others with him until I'd heard the loud laughter. I scanned out for him, desperate for something that I could use. He was taking the first step in Masato's direction, flexing his hands.

The minds around him were not the cesspool that his was. They were all slightly intoxicated, not one of them realizing how far the man they called Kazuo planned to go with this. They were following Kazuo's lead blindly. He'd promised them a little fun...

One of them glanced down the street, nervous - he didn't want to get caught attacking the boy - and gave me what I needed. I recognized the cross street he stared toward.

I flew under a red light, sliding through a space just wide enough between two cars in the moving traffic. Horns blared behind me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it.

Kazuo moved slowly toward the boy, drawing out the suspense - the moment of terror that aroused him. He waited for his scream, preparing to savor it.

But Masato locked his jaw and braced himself. Kazuo was surprised - he'd expected him to try to run. Surprised and slightly disappointed. He liked to chase his prey down, the adrenaline of the hunt.

 _Brave, this one. Maybe better, I guess... more fight in him._

I was a block away. The monster could hear the roar of my engine now. but he paid it no attention, too intent on his victim.

I would see how he enjoyed the hunt when he was the prey. I would see what he thought of _my_ style of hunting.

In another compartment of my head, I was already sorting through the range of tortures I'd born witness to in my vigilante days, searching for the most painful of them. He would suffer for this. He would writhe in agony. The others would merely die for their part, but the monster named _Kazuo_ would beg for death long before I would give him that gift.

He was in the road, crossing toward Masato.

I spun sharply around the corner, my headlights washing across the scene and freezing the rest of them in place. I could have run down the leader, who leapt out of the way, but that was too easy a death for him.

I let the car spin out, swinging all the way around so that I was facing back the way I'd come and the passenger door was closest to Masato. I threw that open, and he was already running toward the car.

"Get in," I snarled.

 _What the hell?_

 _Knew this was a bad idea! He's not alone._

 _Should I run?_

 _Think I'm going to throw up..._

Masato jumped through the open door without hesitating, pulling the door shut behind him.

And then he looked up at me with the most trustful expression I had ever seen on a human face, and all my violent plans crumbled.

It took much, much less than a second for me to see that I could not leave him in the car in order to deal with the four men in the street. What would I tell him, not to watch? Ha! When did he ever do what I asked? When did he ever do the safe thing?

Would I drag them away, out of his sight, and leave him alone here? It was a long shot that another dangerous human would be prowling the streets of Chitose tonight, but it was a long shot that there was even the first! Like a magnet, he drew all things dangerous toward himself. I could not let him out of my sight.

It would feel like part of the same motion to him as I accelerated, taking him away from his pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with uncomprehending expressions. He would not recognize my instant of hesitation. He would assume the plan was escape from the beginning.

I couldn't even hit the assailant with my car. That would frighten him.

I wanted his death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears and clouded my sight and was a flavor on my tongue. My muscles were coiled with urgency, the craving, the necessity of it. I _had_ to kill him. I would peel him slowly apart, piece by piece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone...

Except that the boy - the only one in the world - was clinging to his seat with both hands, staring at me, his eyes still wide and utterly trusting. Vengeance would have to wait.

"Put on your seatbelt," I ordered. My voice was rough with the hate and bloodlust. Not the usual bloodlust. I would not sully myself by taking any part of that man inside me.

He locked the seatbelt into place, jumping slightly at the sound it made. That little sound made him jump, yet he did not flinch as I tore through the town, ignoring all traffic guides. I could feel his eyes on me. He seemed oddly relaxed. It didn't make any sense to me - not with what he'd just been through.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice rough with stress and fear.

 _He_ wanted to know if _I_ was okay?

I thought about his question for a fraction of a second. Not long enough for him to notice the hesitation. _Was_ I okay?

"No," I realized, and my tone seethed with rage.

I took him to the same unused drive where I'd spent the afternoon engaged in the poorest surveillance ever kept. It was black now under the trees.

I was so furious that my body froze in place there, utterly motionless. My ice-locked hands ached to crush his attacker, to grind him into pieces so mangled that his body could never be identified...

But that would entail leaving him here alone, unprotected in the dark night.

"Masato?" I asked through my teeth.

"Yes?" he responded huskily. He cleared his throat.

"Are you alright?" That was really the most important thing, the first priority. Retribution was secondary. I _knew_ that, but my body was so filled with rage that it was hard to think.

"Yes." His voice was still thick - with fear, no doubt.

And so I could not leave him.

Even if he wasn't at constant risk for some infuriating reason - some joke the universe was playing on me - even if I could be _sure_ that he would be perfectly safe in my absence, I could not leave him alone in the dark.

He must be so frightened.

Yet I was in no condition to comfort him - even if I knew exactly how that was to be accomplished, which I did not. Surely he could feel the brutality radiating out of me, surely that much was obvious. I would frighten him even more if I could not calm the lust for slaughter boiling inside me.

I needed to think about something else.

"Distract me, please," I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," I instructed, my jaw still locked. Only the fact that he needed me held me inside the car. I could hear the man's thoughts, his disappointment and anger... I knew where to find him... I closed my eyes, wishing that I couldn't see anyway...

"Um..." He hesitated - trying to make sense of my request, I imagined. "I'm going to run over Kenji Yamada tomorrow before school?" He said this like it was a question.

Yes - this was what I needed. Of course Masato would come up with something unexpected. Like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through his lips was hilarious - so comical it was jarring. If I had not been burning with the urge to kill, I would have laughed.

"Why?" I barked out, to force him to speak again.

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom," he said, his voice filled with his tiger-kitten outrage. "Either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last... well you remember it," he said dryly, "and he thinks _prom_ is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Hinako would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Elantra, though," he went on, thoughtful now. "If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom..."

It was encouraging to see that he sometimes got things wrong. Kenji's persistence had nothing to do with the accident. He didn't seem to understand the appeal he held for the humans at the academy. Did he not see the appeal he had for me, either?

Ah, it was working. The baffling processes of his mind were always engrossing. I was beginning to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance and torture...

"I heard about that," I told him. He had stopped talking, and I needed him to continue.

" _You_ did?" he asked incredulously. And then his voice was angrier than before. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to prom either."

I wished there was someway I could ask him to continue with the threats of death and bodily harm without sounding insane. He couldn't have picked a better way to calm me. And his words - just sarcasm in his case, hyperbole - were a reminder I dearly needed in this moment.

I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Better?" he asked timidly.

"Not really."

No, I was calmer, but not better. Because I'd just realized that I could not kill the monster named Kazuo, and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the world. Almost.

The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to commit a highly justifiable murder was this boy. And, though I couldn't have him, just the dream of having him made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight - no matter how defensible such a thing might be.

Masato deserved better than a killer.

I'd spent nine decades trying to be something other than that - anything other than a killer. Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the boy sitting beside me. And yet, I felt that if I returned to that life - the life of a killer - for even one night, I would surely put him out of my reach forever. Even if I didn't drink their blood - even if I didn't have that evidence blazing red in my eyes - wouldn't he sense the difference?

I was trying to be good enough for him. It was an impossible goal. I would keep trying.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

His breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve him. After all of this, even with as much as I loved him... he still made my mouth water.

I would give him as much honesty as I could. I owed him that.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Masato." I stared out into the black night, wishing both that he would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that he would not. Mostly that he would not. _Run, Masato, run. Stay, Masato, stay._ "But it _wouldn't_ be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those..." Just thinking about it almost pulled me from the car. I took a deep breath, letting his scent scorch down my throat. "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"I see..."

He said nothing else. How much had he heard in my words? I glanced at him furtively, but his face was unreadable. Blank with shock, perhaps. Well, he wasn't screaming. Not yet.

It was quiet for a moment. I warred with myself, trying to be what I should be. What I couldn't be.

"Saki and Yuki will be worried," he said quietly. His voice was very calm, and I was not sure how that could be. _Was_ he in shock? Maybe tonight's events hadn't sunk in for him yet. "I was supposed to meet them."

Did he want to be away from me? Or was he just worried about his friends' worry?

I didn't answer him, but I started the car and took him back. Every inch closer I got to town, the harder it was to hold on to my purpose. I was just so _close_ to him...

If it was impossible - if I could never have nor deserve this boy - then where was the sense in letting the attacker go unpunished? Surely I could allow myself that much...

No. I wasn't giving up. Not yet. I wanted him too much to surrender.

We were at the restaurant where he was supposed to meet his friends before I'd even begun to make sense of my thoughts. Saki and Yuki were finished eating, and both now truly worried about Masato. They were on their way to search for him, heading off along the dark street.

It was not a good night for them to be wandering-

"How did you know where..." Masato's unfinished question interrupted me, and I realized that I had made yet another gaffe. I'd been too distracted to remember to ask him where he was supposed to meet his friends.

But, instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point, Masato just shook his head and half-smiled.

What did _that_ mean?

Well, I didn't have time to puzzle over his strange acceptance of my stranger knowledge. I opened my door.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sounding startled.

 _Not letting you out of my sight. Not allowing myself to be alone tonight. In that order._ "I'm taking you to dinner."

Well this should be interesting. It seemed like another night entirely when I'd imagined bringing Haruka along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Masato and his friends by accident. And now, here I was, practically on a date with the boy. Only it didn't count because I wasn't giving him a chance to say no.

He already had his door half open before I'd walked around the car - it wasn't usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed - instead of waiting for me to get it for him. Was this because he wasn't used to that kind of chivalry? I doubted that, though, given his family history. Did he not think of me as a gentleman?

I waited for him to join me, getting more anxious as his friends continued toward the dark corner.

"Go stop Saki and Yuki before I have to track them down, too," I ordered quickly. "I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again." No, I would not be strong enough for that.

He shuddered, and then quickly collected himself. He took half a step after them, calling, "Saki! Yuki!" in a loud voice. They turned, and he waved his arm over his head to catch their attention. It was odd to see him like that. He's never been that loud before and doesn't strike me as one to make gestures as such. Odd.

 _Masato! He's safe!_ Yuki thought with relief.

 _Late much?_ Saki grumbled to herself, but she, too, was thankful that Masato wasn't hurt or lost. This made me like her a little more than I had. I did think it was humorous that they also thought of him as fragile, though. I would've laughed to myself if we weren't in the situation that we were in.

They hurried back, and then stopped, shocked, when they saw me beside him.

 _Uh-_ uh! Saki thought, stunned. _No freaking way!_

 _Tokiya Ichinose? Did he go away by himself to find him? But why would he ask about them being out of town if he knew that Tokiya was here..._ I got a brief flash of Masato's mortified expression when he'd asked Yuki if my family was often absent from school. _No, he couldn't have known,_ Yuki decided.

Saki's thoughts were moving past the surprise and on to suspicion. _Masato's been holding out on us._

"Where have you been?" she demanded, staring at Masato, but peeking at me from the corner of her eye.

"I got lost. And then I ran into Tokiya," Masato said, waving one hand toward me. His tone was remarkably normal. Like that was truly all that had happened.

He must be in shock. That was the only explanation for his calm.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" I asked - to be polite; I knew that they'd already eaten.

 _Holy crap but he's hot!_ Saki thought, her head suddenly slightly incoherent.

Yuki wasn't much more composed. _Wish we hadn't eaten. Wow. Just. Wow._

Now why couldn't I do that to Masato?

"Er... sure," Saki agreed.

Yuki frowned. "Um, actually, Masato, we already ate while we were waiting," she admitted. "Sorry."

 _What? Shut up!_ Saki complained internally.

Masato shrugged casually. So at ease. Definitely in shock. "That's fine - I'm not hungry."

"I think you should eat something," I disagreed. He needed sugar in his bloodstream - though it smelled sweet enough as it was, I thought wryly. The horror was going to come crashing down on him momentarily, and an empty stomach wouldn't help. He was an easy fainter, as I knew from experience.

These girls wouldn't be in danger if they went straight home. Danger didn't stalk _their_ every step.

And I'd rather be alone with Masato - as long as he was willing to be alone with me.

"Do you mind if I drive Masato home tonight?" I said to Saki before Masato could respond. "That way you won't have to wait while he eats."

"Uh, no problem, I guess..." Saki stared intently at Masato, looking for some sign that this was what he wanted.

 _I want to stay... but he probably wants Tokiya to himself. Who wouldn't?_ Saki thought. At the same time, she watched Masato wink.

Masato _winked?_

"Okay," Yuki said quickly, in a hurry to be out of the way if that was what Masato wanted. And it seemed that he did want that. "See you tomorrow, Masato... Tokiya." She struggled to say my name in a casual tone. Then she grabbed Saki's hand and began towing her away.

I would have to find some way to thank Yuki for this.

Saki's car was close by and in a bright circle of light cast by a streetlight. Masato watched them carefully, a little crease of concern between his eyes, until they were in the car, so he must be fully aware of the danger that he'd been in. Saki waved as she drove away, and Masato waved back. It wasn't until the car disappeared that he took a deep breath and turned to look up at me.

"Honestly, I'm not hungry," he said.

Why had he waited for them to be gone before speaking? Did he truly want to be alone with me - even now, after witnessing my homicidal rage?

Whether that was the case of not, he was going to eat something.

"Humor me," I said.

I held the restaurant door open for him and waited.

He sighed and walked through.

I walked beside him to the podium where the hostess waited. Masato still seemed entirely self-possessed. I wanted to touch his hand, his forehead, to check his temperature. But my cold hand would repulse him, as it had before.

 _Oh, my,_ the hostess's rather loud mental voice intruded into my consciousness. _My, oh my._

It seemed to be my night to turn heads. Or was I only noticing it more because I wished so much that Masato would see me this way? We were always attractive to our prey. I'd never thought so much about it before. Usually - unless, as with people like Mrs. Ito and Saki Nakamura, there was constant repetition to dull the horror - the fear kicked in fairly quickly after the initial attraction...

"A table for two?" I prompted when the hostess didn't speak.

"Oh, er, yes. Welcome to Meer Lounge." _Mmm! What a voice!_ "Please follow me." Her thoughts were preoccupied - calculating.

 _Maybe he's his cousin. A brother? They look too much alike. There's no way there here together. I wouldn't mind the other one either, but he's not my taste. I_ need _his name_...

The small-minded woman struck a nerve with me. In her mind, she could care less for Masato, which irritated me more than what she thought of me. If only she knew what I was. Maybe then she would realize the mistake she made. After all, I held nothing in comparison to the soft perfection of the boy beside me.

 _Well, no need to help him out, just in case,_ the hostess thought as she led us to a family-sized table in the middle of the most crowded part of the restaurant. _Can I give him my number with the boy there...? I can't see why not. I bet they're just family. Why am I worked up so much over this?_ she mused.

I pulled a bill from my back pocket. People were invariably cooperative when money was involved.

Masato was already taking the seat the hostess indicated without objection. I shook my head at him, and he hesitated, cocking his head to one side with curiosity. Yes, he would be very curious tonight. A crowd was not the ideal place for this conversation.

"Perhaps something more private?" I requested of the hostess, handing her the money. Her eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed while her hand curled around the tip.

"Sure."

She peeked at the bill while she led us to the corner of the small shop.

 _Fifty dollars for a better table? Rich, too. That makes sense - I bet his jacket cost more than my last paycheck. Damn. Why does he want privacy with_ him _?_

She offered us a small table for two in the corner where no one else was sitting - it wasn't ideal but if he sat down with his back to the rest of the restaurant then it would okay. I had no clue as to what he would want from me tonight. Or what I would give much had he guessed? What explanation of tonight's events had he told himself?

"How's this?" the hostess asked.

"Much better," I told her and, feeling slightly annoyed by her resentful attitude toward Masato, I smiled widely at her, baring my teeth. Let her see me clearly.

 _Whoa._ "Um... your server will be right out." _He can't be real. I must be asleep. Maybe he'll disappear... maybe I'll write my number on his plate with ketchup..._ She wandered away, listing slightly to the side.

Odd. She wasn't frightened. I suddenly remembered Syo teasing me in the cafeteria, so many weeks ago. _I'll bet I could have scared him better than that._

 _Was_ I losing my edge?

"You really shouldn't do that to people," Masato interrupted my thoughts in a disapproving tone. "It's hardly fair."

I stared at his critical expression. What did he mean? I hadn't frightened the hostess at all, despite my intentions. "Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that - she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

Hmm. Masato was very nearly right. The hostess was only sem-coherent at the moment, describing her incorrect assessment of me to her friend on the wait staff.

"Oh, come on," Masato chided me when I didn't answer immediately. "You _have_ to know the effect you have on people."

"I dazzle people?" That was an interesting way of phrasing it. Accurate enough for tonight. I wondered why the difference...

"You haven't noticed?" he asked, still critical. "Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

"Do I dazzle _you_?" I voiced my curiosity impulsively, and then the words were out, and it was too late to recall them.

But before I had time to too deeply regret speaking the words aloud he answered, "Frequently." And his cheeks took on a faint pink glow.

I dazzled him.

My silent heart swelled with hope more intense than I could ever remember having felt before.

"Hello," someone said, the waitress, introducing herself. Her thoughts were loud, and more explicit than the hostess's, but I tuned her out. I stared at Masato's face instead of listening, watching the blood spreading under his skin, noticing not how that made my throat burn, but rather how it brightened his fair face, how it set off the cream of his skin...

The waitress was waiting for something from me. Ah, she'd asked for our drink order. I continued to stare at Masato, and the waitress grudgingly turned to look at him, too.

"I'll have a coke?" Masato said, as of asking for approval.

"Two cokes," I amended. Thirst - normal, human thirst - was a sign of shock. I would make sure he had the extra sugar from the soda in his system.

He looked healthy, though. More than healthy. He looked radiant.

"What?" he demanded - wondering why I was staring, I guessed. I was vaguely aware that the waitress had left.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

He blinked, surprised by the question. "I'm fine."

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold?"

He was even more confused now. "Should I?"

"Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock." I half-smiled, expecting his denial. He would not want to be taken care of.

It took him a minute to answer me. His eyes were slightly unfocused. He looked that way sometimes when I smiled at him. Was he... dazzled?

I would love to believe that.

"I don't think that will happen. I've always been very good at repressing unpleasant things," he answered, a little breathless.

Did he have a lot of practice with unpleasant things, then? Was his life always this hazardous?

"Just the same," I told him. "I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you."

The waitress returned with the cokes and a basket of bread. She put them in front of me and asked for my order, trying to catch my eye in the process. I indicated that she should attend to Masato, and then went back to tuning her out. She had a vulgar mind.

"Um..." Masato glanced quickly at the menu. "I'll have the chicken curry."

The waitress turned back to me eagerly. "And you?"

"Nothing for me."

Masato made a slight face. Hmm. He must have noticed that I never ate food. He noticed everything. And I always forgot to be careful around him.

I waited till we were alone again.

"Drink," I insisted.

I was surprised when he complied immediately and without objection. He drank until the glass was entirely empty, so I pushed the second coke toward him, frowning a little. Thirst, or shock?

He drank a little more and then shuddered once.

"Are you cold?"

"It's just the coke," he said, but he shivered again, his lips trembling slightly as if his teeth were about to chatter.

The sweater he was wearing looked too thin to protect him adequately; it clung to him like a second skin, almost as fragile as the first. He was so frail, so mortal. "Don't you have a jacket?"

"Yes." He looked around himself, a little perplexed. "Oh - I left it in Saki's car."

I pulled off my jacket, wishing that the gesture was not marred by my body temperature. It would have been nice to have been able to offer him a warm coat. He stared at me, his cheeks warming again. What was he thinking now?

I handed him the jacket across the table, and he put it on at once, and then shuddered again.

Yes, it would be very nice to be warm.

"Thanks," he said. He took a deep breath and pushed his arms through the sleeves that fit him all too perfectly. He took another deep breath.

Was the evening finally settling in? His color was still good; his skin was cream and roses against the maroon of his sweater.

"That color red looks lovely with your skin," I complimented him. Just being honest.

He flushed, enhancing the effect.

He looked well, but there was no point in taking chances. I pushed the basket of bread toward him.

"Really," he objected, guessing my motives. "I'm not going into shock."

"You should be - a _normal_ person would be. You don't even look shaken." I stared at him, disapproving, wondering why he couldn't be normal and then wondering if I really wanted him to be that way.

"I feel very safe with you," he said, his eyes, again, filled with trust. Trust I didn't deserve.

His instincts were all wrong - backwards. That must be the problem. He didn't recognize danger the way a human being should be able to. He had the opposite reaction. Instead of running, he lingered, drawn to what should frighten him...

How could I protect him from myself when _neither_ of us wanted that?

"This is more complicated than I'd planned," I murmured.

I could see him turning my words over in his head, and I wondered what he made of them. He took a breadstick and began to eat without seeming aware of the action. He chewed for a moment, and then leaned his head to one side thoughtfully.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are deep blue," he said in a casual tone.

His observation, stated so matter of factly, left me reeling. "What?"

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are a lighter color - I expect it then. I have a theory about that," he added lightly.

So he had come up with his own explanation. Of course he had. I felt a deep sense of dread as I wondered how close he'd come to the truth.

"More theories?"

"Mm-hm." He chewed on another bite, entirely nonchalant. As if he weren't discussing the aspects of a monster with the monster himself.

"I hope you were more creative this time..." I lied when he didn't continue. What I really hoped was that he was _wrong_ \- miles wide of the mark. "Or are you still stealing from comic books?"

"Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book," he said, a little embarrassed. "But I didn't come up with it on my own, either."

"And?" I asked between my teeth.

Surely he would not speak so calmly if he were about to scream.

As he hesitated, biting his lip, the waitress reappeared with Masato's food. I paid the server little attention as she set the plate in front of Masato and then asked if I wanted anything.

I declined, but asked for more coke. The waitress hadn't noticed the empty glasses. She took them and left.

"You were saying?" I prompted anxiously as soon as we were alone again.

"I'll tell you about it in the car," he said in a low voice. Ah, this would be bad. He wasn't willing to speak his guesses around others. "If..." he tacked on suddenly.

"There are conditions?" I was so tense I almost growled the words.

"I do have a few questions, of course."

"Of course," I agreed, my voice hard.

His questions would probably be enough to tell me where his thoughts were heading. But how would I answer them? With responsible lies? Or would I drive him away with truth? Or would I say nothing, unable to decide?

We sat in silence while the waitress replenished his supply of soda.

"Well, go ahead," I said, jaw locked, when she was gone.

"Why are you in Chitose?"

That was too easy a question - for him. It gave away nothing, while my answer, if truthful, would give away too much. Let him reveal something first.

"Next," I said.

"But that's the easiest one."

"Next," I said again.

He was frustrated by my refusal. He looked away from me, down to his food. Slowly, thinking hard, he took a bite and chewed with deliberation. He washed it down with more coke, and then finally looked up at me. His eyes were narrow with suspicion.

"Okay then," he said. "Let's say, hypothetically, of course, that... someone... could know what people were thinking, read minds, you know - with just a few exceptions."

It could be worse.

This explained that little half-smile in the car. He was quick - no one else had ever guessed this about me. Except for Ryuya, and it had been rather obvious then, in the beginning, when I'd answered all his thoughts as if he'd spoken them to me. He'd understood before I had...

This question wasn't so bad. While it was clear that he knew that there was something wrong with me, this was not as serious as it could have been. Mind-reading was, after all, not a fact of the vampire canon. I went along with his hypothesis.

"Just _one_ exception," I corrected. "Hypothetically."

He fought a smile - my vague honesty pleased him. "All right, with one exception, then. How does that work? What are the limitations? How would... that someone... find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know that he was in trouble?"

"Hypothetically?"

"Sure." His lips twitched, and his liquid blue eyes were eager.

"Well," I hesitated. "If... that someone..."

"Let's call him 'Daisuke,'" he suggested.

I had to smile at his enthusiasm. Did he really think the truth would be a good thing? If my secrets were pleasant, why would I keep them from him?

"Daisuke, then," I agreed. "If Daisuke had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." I shook my head and repressed a shudder at the thought of how close I had been to being too late today. "Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know."

His lips turned down at the corners and pouted out. "We were speaking of a hypothetical case."

I laughed at his irritation.

His lips, his skin... They looked so soft. I wanted to touch them. I wanted to press my fingertip against the corner of his frown and turn it up. Impossible. My skin would be repellent to him.

"Yes, we were," I said, returning to the conversation before I could depress myself too thoroughly. "Shall we call you 'Ryuunosuke'?"

He leaned across the table toward me, all humor and irritation gone from his wide eyes.

"How did you know?" he asked, his voice low and intense.

Should I tell him the truth? And, if so, what portion?

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to deserve the trust I could still see on his face.

"You can trust me, you know," he whispered, and he reached one hand forward as if to touch my hands where they rested on top of the empty table before me.

I pulled them back - hating the thought of his reaction to my frigid stone skin - and he dropped his hand.

I knew that I could trust him with protecting my secrets; he was entirely trustworthy, good to the core. But I couldn't trust him not to be horrified by them. He _should_ be horrified. The truth _was_ horror.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore," I murmured. I remembered that I'd once teased him by calling him 'exceptionally unobservant.' Offended him, if I'd been judging his expressions correctly. Well, I could right that onne injustice, at least. "I was wrong - you're much more observant than I gave you credit for." And, though he might not realize it, I'd given him plenty of credit already. He missed nothing.

"I thought you were always right," he said, smiling as he teased me.

"I used to be." I used to know what I was doing. I used to be always sure of my course. And now everything was chaos and tumult.

Yet I wouldn't trade it. I didn't want the life that made sense. Not if the chaos meant that I could be with Masato.

"I was wrong about you on one other thing as well," I went on, setting the record straight on another point. "You're not a magnet for accidents - that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for _trouble._ If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you." Why him? What had he done to deserve any of this?

Masato's face turned serious again. "And you put yourself into that category?"

Honesty was more important in regards to this question than any other. "Unequivocally."

His eyes narrowed slightly - not suspicious now, but oddly concerned. He reached his hand across the table again, slowly and deliberately. I pulled my hands an inch away from his, but he ignored that, determined to touch me. I held my breath - not because of his scent now, but because of the sudden, overwhelming tension. Fear. My skin would disgust him. He would run away.

He brushed his fingertips lightly across the back of my hand. The heat of his gentle, willing touch was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was almost pure pleasure. Would have been, except for my fear. I watched his face as he felt the cold stone of my skin, still unable to breathe.

A half-smile turned up the corners of his lips.

"Thank you," he said, meeting my stare with an intense gaze of his own. "That's twice now."

His soft fingers lingered on my hand as if they found it pleasant to be there.

I answered him as casually as I was able. "Let's not try for three, agreed?"

He grimaced at that, but nodded.

I pulled my hands out from under his. As exquisite as his touch felt, I wasn't going to wait for the magic of his tolerance to pass, to turn to revulsion. I hid my hands under the table.

I read his eyes; though his mind was silent, I could perceive both trust and wonder there. I realized in that moment that I _wanted_ to answer his questions. Not because I owed it to him. Not because I wanted him to trust me.

I wanted him to _know_ me.

"I followed you to Chitose," I told him, the words spilling out too quickly for me to edit them. I knew the danger of the truth, the risk I was taking. At any moment, his unnatural calm could shatter into hysterics. Contrarily, knowing this only had me talking faster. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

I watched him, waiting.

He smiled. His lips curved up at the edges, and his ocean blue eyes warmed.

I'd just admitted to stalking him, and he was smiling.

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?" he asked.

"That wasn't the first time," I said, staring down at the oak wood table, my shoulders bowed in shame. My barriers were down, the truth still spilling free recklessly. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

It was true, and it angered me. I had been positioned over his life like the blade of a guillotine. It was as if he had been marked for death by some cruel, unjust fate, and - since I'd proved an unwilling tool - that same fate continued to try to execute him. I imagined the fate personified - a grisly, jealous hag, a vengeful harpy.

I wanted something, someone, to be responsible for this - so that I would have something concrete to fight against. Something, anything to destroy, so that Masato could be safe.

Masato was very quiet; his breathing had accelerated.

I looked up at him, knowing that I would finally see the fear I was waiting for. Had I not just admitted how close I'd been to killing him? Closer than the van that had come within slim inches of crushing him. And yet, his face was still calm, his eyes still tightened only with concern.

"You remember?" He had to remember that.

"Yes," he said, his voice level and grave. His deep eyes were full of awareness.

He knew. He knew that I had wanted to murder him.

Where were the screams?

"And yet here you sit," I said, pointing out the inherent contradiction.

"Yes, here I sit... because of you." His expression altered, turned curious, as he unsubtly changed the subject. "Because somehow you knew how to find me today..."

Hopelessly, I pushed one more time at the barrier that protected his thoughts, desperate to understand. It made no logical sense to me. How could he even care about the rest with that glaring truth on the table?

He waited, only curious. His skin was pale, which was natural for him, but it still concerned me. His dinner ssat nearly untouched in front of him. If I continued to tell him too much, he was going to need a buffer when the shock wore off.

I named my terms. "You eat, I'll talk."

He processed that for half a second, and then threw a bite in his mouth with a speed that belied his calm. He was more anxious for my answer than his eyes let on.

"It's harder than it should be - keeping track of you," I told him. "Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before."

I watched his face carefully as I said this. Guessing right was one thing, having it confirmed was another.

He was motionless, his eyes wide. I felt my teeth clench together as I waited for his panic.

But he just blinked once, swallowed loudly, and then quickly scooped another bite into his mouth. He wanted me to continue.

"I was keeping tabs on Saki," I went on, watching each word as it sank in. "Not carefully - like I said, only you could find trouble in Chitose-" I couldn't resist adding that. Did he realize that other human lives were not so plagued with near death experiences, or did he think he was normal? He was the furthest thing from normal I'd ever encountered. "And at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own. Then, when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south... and I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street - to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. i had no reason to be worried... but I was strangely anxious..." My breath came faster as I remembered that feeling of panic. His scent blazed in my throat and I was glad. It was a pain that meant he was alive. As long as I burned, he was safe.

"I started to drive in circles, still... listening." I hoped the word made sense to him. This had to be confusing. "The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out, and follow you on foot. And then-"

As the memory took me - perfectly clear and as vivid as if I was in the moment again - I felt the same murderous fury wash through my body, locking it into ice.

I wanted him dead. I needed him dead. My jaw clenched tight as I concentrated on holding myself here at the table. Masato still needed me. That was what mattered.

"Then what?" he whispered, his dark eyes wide.

"I heard what they were thinking," I said through my teeth, unable to keep the words from coming out in a growl. "I saw your face in his mind."

I could hardly resist the urge to kill. I still knew precisely where to find him. His black thoughts sucked at the night sky, pulling me toward them...

I covered my face, knowing my expression was that of a monster, a hunter, a killer. I fixed his image behind my closed eyes to control myself, focusing only on his face. The delicate framework of his bones, the thin sheath of his pale skin - like silk stretched over glass, incredibly soft and easy to shatter. He was too vulnerable for this world. He _needed_ a protector. And, through some twisted mismanagement of destiny, I was the closest thing available.

I tried to explain my violent reaction so that he would understand.

"It was very... hard - you can't imagine how hard - for me to simply take you away and leave them... alive," I whispered. "I could have let you go with Saki and Yuki, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them."

For the second time tonight, I confessed to an intended murder. At least this one was defensible.

He was quiet as I struggled to control myself. I listened to his heartbeat. The rhythm was irregular, but it slowed as the time passed until it was steady again. His breathing, too, was low and even.

I was too close to the edge. I needed to get him home before...

Would I kill him, then? Would I become a murderer again when he trusted me? Was there any way to stop myself?

He promised to tell me his latest theory when we were alone. Did I want to hear it? I was anxious for it, but would the reward for my curiosity be worse than not knowing?

At any rate, he must have had enough truth for one night.

I looked at him again, and his face was paler than before, but composed.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked.

"I'm ready to leave," he said, choosing his words carefully, as if a simple 'yes' did not fully express what he wanted to say.

Frustrating.

The waitress returned. She'd heard Masato's last statement as she'd dithered on the other side of the partition, wondering what more she could offer me. I wanted to roll my eyes at some of the offerings she'd had in mind.

"How are we doing?" she asked me.

"We're ready for the check, thank you," I told her, my eyes on Masato.

The waitress's breathing spiked and she was momentarily - to use Masato's phrasing - dazzled by my voice.

In a sudden moment of perception, hearing the way my voice sounded in this inconsequential human's head, I realized why I seemed to be attracting so much admiration tonight - unmarred by the usual fear.

It was because of Masato. Trying so hard to be safe for him, to be less frightening, to be _human,_ I truly had lost my edge. The other humans saw only beauty now, with my innate horror so carefully under control.

I looked up at the waitress waiting for her to recover herself. It was sort of humorous, now that I understood the reason.

"Sure," she stuttered. "Here you go."

She handed me the folder with the bill, thinking of the card she'd slid in behind the receipt. A card with her name and telephone number on it.

Yes, it was rather funny.

I had money ready again. I gave the folder back at once, so she wouldn't waste any time waiting for a call that would never come.

"No change," I told her, hoping the size of the tip would assuage her disappointment.

I stood, and Masato quickly followed suit. I wanted to offer him my hand, but I thought that might be pushing my luck a little too far for one night. I thanked the waitress, my eyes never leaving Masato's face. Masato seemed to be finding something amusing, too.

We walked out; I walked as close behind him as I dared. Close enough that the warmth coming off his body was like a physical touch against the left side of my body. As I held the door for him, he sighed quietly, and I wondered what regret made him sad. I stared into his eyes, about to ask, when he suddenly looked at the ground, seeming embarrassed. It made me more curious, even as it made me reluctant to ask. The silence between us continued while I opened his door for him and then got into the car.

I turned the heater on - the warmer weather had come to an abrupt end; the cold car must be uncomfortable for him. He huddled in my jacket, a small smile on his lips.

I waited, postponing conversation until the lights of the highway faded. It made me feel more alone with him.

Was that the right thing? Now that i was focused only on him, the car seemed very small. His scent swirled through it with the current of the heater, building and strengthening. It grew into its own force, like another entity in the car. A presence that demanded recognition.

It had that; I burned. The burning was acceptable, though. It seemed strangely appropriate to me. I had been given so much tonight - more than I'd expected. And here he was, still willingly at my side. I owed something in return for that. A sacrifice. A burnt offering.

Now if I could just keep it to that; just burn and nothing more. But the venom filled my mouth, and my muscles tensed in anticipation, as if I were hunting...

I had to keep such thoughts from my mind. And I knew what would distract me.

"Now," I said to him, fear of his response taking the edge off the burn. "It's your turn."


	10. Theory

"Can I ask just one more?" he entreated instead of answering my demand.

I was on edge, anxious for the worst. And yet, how tempting it was to prolong this moment. To have Masato with me, willingly, for just a few seconds longer. I sighed at the dilemma and then said, "One."

"Well...," he hesitated for a moment, as if deciding which question to voice. "You said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you know that."

I glared out the windshield. Here was another question that revealed nothing on his part and too much on mine.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," he said, his tone critical and disappointed.

How ironic. He was relentlessly evasive, without even trying.

Well, he wanted me to be direct. And this conversation wasn't going anywhere good, regardless.

"Fine, then," I said. "I followed your scent."

I wanted to watch his face, but I was afraid of what I would see. Instead, I listened to his breath accelerate and then stabilize. He spoke again after a moment, and his voice was steadier than I would have expected.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions..." he said.

I looked down at him, frowning. He was stalling, too.

"Which one?"

"How does it work - the mind reading thing?" he asked, reiterating his question from the restaurant. "Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family...?" He trailed off, flushing again.

"That's more than one," I said.

He just looked at me, waiting for his answers.

And why not tell him? He'd already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject than the one that loomed.

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's... 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I tried to think of a way to describe it so that he would understand. An analogy that he could relate. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum - a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it all out - it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem _normal_ ," - I grimaced - "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?" he wondered.

I gave him another truth and another analogy.

"I don't know," I admitted. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."

I realized that he would not like this analogy. The anticipation of his reaction had me smiling. He didn't disappoint.

"My mind doesn't work right?" he asked, his voice rising with chagrin. "I'm odd?"

Ah, the irony again.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're_ the odd one out." I laughed. He understood all the small things, and yet the big ones he got backwards. Always the wrong instincts...

Masato was gnawing on his lip, and the crease between his eyes was etched deep.

"Don't worry," I reassured him. "It's just a theory..." And there was a more important theory to be discussed. I was anxious to get it over with. Each passing second was beginning to feel more and more like borrowed time.

"Which brings us back to you," I said, divided in two, both anxious and reluctant.

He sighed, still chewing his lip - I worried that he would hurt himself. He stared into my eyes, his face troubled.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I asked quietly.

He looked down, struggling with some internal dilemma. Suddenly, he stiffened and his eyes flew wide open. Fear flashed across his face for the first time. He gasped loudly.

I panicked. What had he seen? How had I frightened him?

Then he shouted, "Slow down!"

"What's wrong?" I didn't understand where his terror was coming from.

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" he yelled at me. He flashed a look out the window and recoiled from the dark trees racing past us.

This little thing, just a bit of speed, had him shouting in fear?

I rolled my eyes. "Relax, Masato."

"Are you trying to kill us?" he demanded, his voice high and tight.

"We're not going to crash," I promised him.

He sucked in a sharp breath, and then spoke in a slightly more level tone. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this."

I met his gaze, amused by his shocked expression.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" he shouted.

"I've never been in an accident, Masato. I've never even gotten a ticket." I grinned at him and touched my forehead. It made it even more comical - the absurdity of being able to joke with him about something so secret and strange. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny," he said sarcastically, his voice more frightened than angry. "I won't hesitate to turn you in. I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Pacifica pretzel around a tree tunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably," I repeated, and then laughed without humor. Yes, we would fare quite differently in a car accident. He was right to be afraid, despite my driving abilities... "But you can't."

With a sigh, I let the car drift to a crawl. "Happy?"

He eyed the speedometer. "Almost."

Was this still too fast for him? "I hate driving slow," I muttered, but let the needle slide another notch down.

"This is slow?" he asked.

"Enough commentary on my driving," I said impatiently. How many times had he dodged my question now? Three times? Four? Were his speculations that horrific? I had to know - immediately. "I'm still waiting for your latest theory."

He bit his lip again, and his expression became upset, almost pained.

I reigned in my impatience and softened my voice. I didn't want him to be distressed.

"I won't laugh," I promised, wishing that it was only embarrassment that made him unwilling to talk.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me," he whispered.

I forced my voice to stay even. "Is it that bad?"

"Very much so, yes."

He looked down, refusing to meet my eyes. The seconds passed.

"Go ahead," I encouraged.

His voice was small. "I don't know how to start."

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" I remembered his words from dinner. "You said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No," he agreed, and then was silent again.

I thought about things that might have inspired him. "What got you started - a book? A movie?"

I should have looked through his collections when he was out of the house. I had no idea what kind of novels he owned...

"No," he said again. "It was Saturday at the beach."

I hadn't expected that. The local gossip about us never strayed into anything too bizarre - or too precise. Was there a new rumor I'd missed? Masato peeked up from his hands and saw the surprise on my face.

"I ran into an old family friend - Ren Jinguji," he went on. "My family and his have been business partners for a long time, since before I was born."

Ren Jinguji - the name was not familiar, and yet it reminded me of something... some _time,_ long ago... I stared out of the windshield, flipping through memories to find the connection.

"His family dates back to the Ainu people. His brother tries to uphold their traditions," he said.

Ren Jinguji. _Koshamain Jinguji._ A descendant, no doubt.

It was as bad as it could get.

He knew the truth.

My mind was flying through the ramifications as the car flew around the dark curves in the road, my body rigid with anguish - motionless except for the small, automatic actions it took to steer the car.

He knew the truth.

But... if he'd learned the truth Saturday... then he'd known it all evening long... and yet...

"We went for a walk," he went on. "And he was telling me about some old legends - trying to scare me, I think. He told me one..."

He stopped short, but there was no need for his qualms now; I knew what he was going to say. The only mystery left was why he was here with me now.

"GO on," I said.

"About vampires," he breathed, the words less than a whisper.

Somehow, it was even worse than knowing that he knew, hearing him speak the word aloud. I flinched at the sound of it, and then controlled myself again.

"And you immediately thought of me?" I asked.

"No. He... mentioned your family."

How ironic that it would be Koshamain's own progeny that would violate the treaty he'd vowed to uphold. A grandson, or great-grandson perhaps. How many years had it been? One hundred?

I should have realized that it was not the old men who _believed_ in the legends that would be the danger. Of course, the younger generation - those who would have been warned, but would have thought the ancient superstitions laughable - of course that was where the danger of exposure would lie.

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Koshamain and his pack of protectors were long dead...

"He just thought it was a silly superstition - a mere story," Masato said suddenly, his voice edged with a new anxiety. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him twist his hands uneasily.

"It was my fault," he said after a bried pause, and then he hung his head as if he were ashamed. "I forced him to tell me."

"Why?" It wasn't so hard to keep my voice level now. The worst was already done. As long as we spoke of the details of the revelation, we didn't have to move on to the consequences of it.

"Hinako said something about you - she was trying to provoke me." He made a little face at the memory. I was slightly distracted, wondering how Masato would be provoked by someone talking about me... "And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to that beach, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Ren alone and tricked it out of him."

His head dropped even lower as he admitted this, and his expression looked... guilty.

I looked away from him and laughed out loud. _He_ felt guilty? What could he possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?

"Tricked him how?" I asked.

"I played into his flirtatious games - it worked better than I thought it would have," he explained, and his voice turned incredulous at the memory of that success.

I could just imagine - considering the attraction he seemed to have for all things human related, totally unconscious on his part - how overwhelming he would be when he _tried_ to be attractive. Then I realized he said he was returning the flirting, which made me want to kill the Jinguji kid.

"I'd like to have seen that," I said, and then I laughed again with the black humor. I wished I could have seen his reaction when silent Masato returned his advances. It must have thrown him off. The devastation would've been entertaining. "And you accused me of dazzling people - poor Ren Jinguji."

I wasn't as angry with the source of my exposure as I would have expected to feel. He didn't know any better. And how could I expect anyone to deny this boy what he wanted? No, I only felt sympathy for the damage he would have done to his peace of mind.

I felt his blush heat the air between us. I glanced at him, and he was staring out his window. He didn't speak again.

"What did you do then?" I prompted. Time to get back to the horror story.

"I did some research on the internet."

Ever practical. "And did that convince you?"

"No," he said. "Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly, and then-"

He broke off again, and I heard his teeth lock together.

"What?" I demanded. What had he found? What had made sense of the nightmare for him?

There was a short pause, and then he whispered, "I decided it didn't matter."

Shock froze my thoughts for a half-second, and then it all fit together. Why he'd sent his friends away tonight rather than escape with them. Why he had gotten into my car with me again instead of running, screaming for the police...

His reactions were always wrong - always completely wrong. He pulled danger toward himself. He invited it.

"It didn't _matter_?" I said through my teeth, anger filling me. How was I supposed to protect someone so... so... so determined to be unprotected?

"No," he said in a low voice that was inexplicably tender. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

He was impossible.

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?"

"No."

I started to wonder if he was entirely stable.

I supposed that I could arrange for him to receive the best care available... Ryuya would have connections to find him the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with him, whatever it was that made him content to sit beside a vampire with his heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...

"You're angry," he sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything."

As if him hiding these disturbing tendencies would help either of us.

"No. I'd rather know what you're thinking - even if what you're thinking is insane."

"So I'm wrong again?" he asked, a bit belligerent now.

"That's not what I was referring to!" My teeth clenched together again. "'It doesn't matter'!" I repeated in a scathing tone.

He gasped. "I'm right?"

"Does it _matter_?" I countered.

He took a deep breath. I waited angrily for his answer.

"Not really," he said, his voice composed again. "But I _am_ curious."

Not really. It didn't really matter. He didn't care. He knew I was inhuman, a monster, and this didn't really matter to him.

Aside from my worries about his sanity, I began to feel a swelling of hope. I tried to quash it.

"What are you curious about?" I asked him. There were no secrets left, only minor details.

"How old are you?" he asked.

My answer was automatic and ingrained. "Eighteen."

"And how long have you been eighteen?"

I tried not to smile at the patronizing tone. "A while," I admitted.

"Okay," he said, abruptly enthusiastic. He smiled up at me. When I stared back, anxious again about his mental health, he smiled wider. I grimaced.

"Don't laugh," he warned. "How can you come out during the daytime?"

I laughed despite his request. His research had not netted him anything unusual, it seemed. "Myth," I told him.

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth."

Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long - not until these last few nights, as I'd watched Masato dreaming...

"I can't sleep," I murmured, answering his question more fully.

He was silent for a moment.

"At all?" he asked.

"Never," I breathed.

I stared into his eyes, wide under his fringe of lashes, and yearned for sleep. Not for oblivion, as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to _dream._ Maybe, if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where he and I could be together. He dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of him.

He stared back at me, his expression full of wonder. I had to look away.

I could not dream of him. He should not dream of me.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet," I said, my silent chest colder and harder than before. He had to be forced to understand. At some point, he would have to realize what he was doing now. He must be made to see that this all _did_ matter - more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved him.

"Which one is that?" he asked, surprised and unaware.

This only made my voice harder. "You aren't concerned about my diet?"

"Oh. That." He spoke in a quiet tone that I couldn't interpret.

"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

He cringed away from my question. Finally. He was understanding.

"Well, Ren said something about that," he said.

"What did Ren say?"

"He said you didn't... hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I repeated cynically.

"Not exactly," he clarified. "He said you weren't _supposed_ to be dangerous. But the Ainu still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

I stared at the road, my thoughts in a hopeless snarl, my throat aching with the familiar fiery thrist.

"So, was he right?" he asked, as calmly as if he were confirming a weather report. "About not hunting people?"

"The Ainu have a long memory."

He nodded to himself, thinking hard.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I said quickly. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

No, he didn't. How to make him see?

"We try," I told him. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes, though. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

His scent was still a force in the car. I was growing used to it, I could almost ignore it, but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward him for the wrong reason. My mouth was swimming with venom.

"This is a mistake?" he asked, and there was heartbreak in his voice. The sound of it disarmed me. He wanted to be with me - despite everything, he wanted to be with me.

Hope swelled again, and I beat it back.

"A very dangerous one," I told him truthfully, wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter.

He didn't respond for a moment. I heard his breathing change - it hitched in strange ways that did not sound like fear.

"Tell me more," he said suddenly, his voice distorted by anguish.

I examined him carefully.

He was in pain. How had I allowed _this_?

"What more do you want to know?" I asked, trying to think of a way to keep him from hurting. He should not hurt. I couldn't let him be hurt.

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," he said, still anguished.

Wasn't it obvious? Or maybe this didn't matter to him either.

"I don't _want_ to be a monster," I muttered.

"But animals aren't enough?"

I searched for another comparison, a way he could understand. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger - or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." My voice got lower; I was ashamed of the danger I allowed him to be in. Danger I continued to allow... "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?"

I sighed. Of course he would ask the question I didn't want to answer. "Yes," I admitted.

I expected his physical response correctly this time; his breathing held steady, his heart kept its even pattern. I expected it, but I did not understand it. How could he not be afraid?

"But you're not hungry now," he declared, perfectly sure of himself.

"Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes," he said, his tone offhand. "I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people - men in particular - are crabbier when they're hungry."

I chuckled at his description: _crabby_. There was an understatement. But he was dead right, as usual. "You're obsercant, aren't you?" I laughed again.

He smiled a little, the crease returning between his eyes as if he were concentrating on something.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Syo?" he asked after my laugh had faded. The casual way he spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating. Could he really accept so much in stride? I was closer to shock than he seemed to be.

"Yes," I told him, and then, as I was about to leave it at that, I felt the same urge I'd had in the restaurant: I wanted him to know me. "I didn't want to leave," I went on slowly, "but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

I took a deep breath, and then turned to meet his gaze. This kind of honesty was difficult in a very different way.

"It makes me... anxious," I supposed that word would suffice, though it wasn't strong enough, "to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." Then I remembered the scrapes on his palms. "Well, not totally unscathed," I amended.

"What?"

"Your hands," I reminded him.

He sighed and grimaced. "I fell."

I'd guessed right. "That what's I thought," I said, unable to contain my smile. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse - and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Syo's nerves." Honestly, that didn't belong in the past tense. I was probably still irritating Syo, and all the rest of my family, too. Except Haruka...

"Three days?" he asked, his voice suddenly sharp. "Didn't you just get back today?"

I didn't understand the edge in his voice. "No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" he demanded. His irritation confused me. He didn't seem to realize that this question was one related to mythology again.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't," I said. "But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see."

That distracted him from his mysterious annoyance. "Why?" he asked, leaning his head to one side.

I doubted I could come up with an appropriate analogy to explain this one. Haven't I terrified him enough for one day? I just left it at, "I'll show you sometime." And then I wondered if this was a promise I would end up breaking. Would I see him again, after tonight? Did I love him enough yet to be able to bear leaving him?

"You might have called me," he said.

What an odd conclusion. "But I knew you were safe."

"But _I_ didn't know where _you_ were. I-" He came to an abrupt stop and looked at his hands.

"What?"

"I didn't enjoy it either," he said rather shyly, the skin over his cheekbones warming. "Not seeing you. It makes me anxious as well."

 _Are you_ happy _now?_ I demanded of myself. Well, here was my reward for hoping.

I was bewildered, elated, horrified - mostly horrified - to realize that all my wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark. This was why it didn't matter to him that I was a monster. It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me. Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences. Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this boy at the very top.

Masato cared for me, too.

I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved him. But it was enough to risk his life to sit here with me. To do so gladly.

Enough to cause him pain if I did the right thing and left him.

Was there anything I could do now that would _not_ hurt him? Anything at all?

I should have stayed away. I should never have come back to Utashinai. I would cause him nothing but pain.

Would that stop me from staying now? From making it worse?

The way I felt right now, feeling his warmth against my skin...

No. Nothing would stop me.

"Ah," I groaned to myself. "This is wrong."

"What did I say?" he asked, quick to take the blame on himself.

"Don't you see, Masato? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. I don't want to hear that you feel that way." It was the truth, it was a lie. The most selfish part of me was flying with the knowledge that he wanted me as I wanted him. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Masato - please, grasp that."

"No." His lips pouted out petulantly.

"I'm serious." I was battling with myself so strongly - half desperate for him to accept, half desperate to keep the warnings from escaping - that the words came through my teeth as a growl.

"So am I," he insisted. "I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

Too late? The world was bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward Masato's sleeping form in my memory. Inevitable, unstoppable. They stole the color from his skin and plunged him into darkness.

Too late? Haruka's vision swirled in my head, Masato's dark as night black eyes staring back at me impassively. Expression;ess - but there was no way he could _not_ hate me for that future. Hate me for stealing everything from him. Stealing his life and his soul.

It could not be too late.

"Never say that," I hissed.

He stared out the window, and his teeth bit into his lip again. His hands were balled into tight fists in his lap. His breathing hitched and broke.

"What are you thinking?" I had to know.

He shook his head without looking at me. I saw something glisten, like a crystal, on his cheek.

Agony. "Are you crying?" I'd made him _cry_. I'd hurt him that much.

He harshly scrubbed the tears away with the back of his hand.

"No," he lied, his voice breaking, but the underlying anger was apparent.

Some long buried instinct had me reaching out toward him - in that one second I felt more human than I ever had. And then I remembered that I was... not. And I lowered my hand.

"I'm sorry," I said, my jaw locked. How could I ever tell him how sorry I was? Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I'd made. Sorry for my never-ending selfishness. Sorry that he was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first, tragic love of mine. Sorry also for the things beyond my control - that I'd been the monster chosen by fate to end his life in the first place.

I took a deep breath - ignoring my wretched reaction to the flavor in the car - and tried to collect myself.

I wanted to change the subject, to think of something else. Lucky for me, my curiosity about the boy was insatiable. I always had a question.

"Tell me something," I said.

"Yes?" he asked huskily, tears as well as frustration still in his voice.

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression - you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something." I remembered his face - forcing myself to forget whose eyes I was looking through - the look of determination there.

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker," he said, his voice more composed. "You know, self defense. I was going to smash his nose into his head." His composure did not last to the end of his explanation. His tone twisted until it seethed with hate. This was no hyperbole, and his kittenish fury was not humorous now. I could see his frail figure - just silk over glass - overshadowed by meaty, heavy-fisted human monsters who would have hurt him. The fury boiled in the back of my head.

"You were going to fight them?" I wanted to groan. His instincts were deadly - to himself. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run," he said sheepishly.

"What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

I shook my head in disbelief. How had he managed to stay alive before he'd come to Utashinai?

"You were right," I told him, a sour edge to my voice. "I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

He sighed and glanced out the window. Then he looked back at me.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" he demanded abruptly.

As long as I was on my way to hell - I might as well enjoy the journey.

"Yes - I have a paper due, too." I smiled at him, and it felt good to do this. "I'll save you a seat at lunch."

His heart fluttered; my dead heart suddenly felt warmer.

I stopped the car in front of his mother's house. He made no move to leave me.

"Do you _promise_ to be there tomorrow?" he insisted.

"I promise."

How could doing the wrong thing give me so much happiness? Surely there was something amiss in nodded to himself, satisfied, and started to remove my jacket.

"You can keep it," I assured him quickly. I rather wanted to leave him with something of myself. A token, like the bottle cap that was in my pocket now... "You don't have a jacket for tomorrow."

He handed it back to me, smiling ruefully. "I don't want to have to explain to Misaki," he told me.

I would imagine not. I smiled at him. "Oh, right."

He put his hand on the door handle, and then stopped. Unwilling to leave, just as I was unwilling for him to go.

To have him unprotected, even for a few moments...

Daiki and Kaoru were well on their way by now, long past Sapporo, no doubt. But there were others. This world was not a safe place for any human, and for him it seemed to be more dangerous than it was for the rest.

"Masato?" I asked, surprised at the pleasure there was in simply speaking his name.

"Yes?"

"Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," he agreed easily, and then his eyes tightened as if he'd thought of a reason to object.

"Don't go into the woods alone," I warned him, wondering if this request would trigger the objection in his eyes.

He blinked, startled. "Why?"

I glowered into the untrustworthy darkness. The lack of light was no problem for _my_ eyes, but neither would it trouble another hunter. It only blinded humans.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there," I told him. "Let's leave it at that."

He shivered, but recovered quickly and was even smiling when he told me, "Whatever you say."

His breath touched my face, so sweet and fragrant.

I could stay here all night like this, but he needed his sleep. The two desires seemed equally strong as they continually warred inside me: wanting him versus wanting him to be safe.

I sighed at the impossibilities. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said, knowing that I would see him much sooner than that. _He_ wouldn't see _me_ until tomorrow, though.

"Tomorrow, then," he agreed as he opened his door.

Agony again, watching him leave.

I leaned after him, wanting to hold him there. "Masato?"

He turned, and then froze, surprised to find our faces so close together.

I, too, was overwhelmed by the proximity. The heat rolled off him in waves, caressing my face. I could all but feel the silk of his skin...

His heartbeat stuttered, and his lips fell open.

"Sleep well," I whispered, and leaned away before the urgency in my body - either the familiar thirst or the very new and strange hunger I suddenly felt - could make me do something that might hurt him.

He sat there motionless for a moment, his eyes wide and stunned. Dazzled, I guessed.

As was I.

He recovered - though his face was still a bit bemused - and half fell out of the car, tripping over his feet and having to catch the frame of the car to right himself.

I chuckled - hopefully it was too quiet for him to hear.

I watched him walk up to the pool of light that surrounded the front door. Safe for the moment. And I would be back soon to make sure.

I could feel his eyes follow me as I drove down the dark street. Such a different sensation than I was accustomed to. Usually, I could simply _watch_ myself through someone's following eyes, were I of a mind to. This was strangely exciting - this intangible sensation of watching eyes. I knew it was just because they were _his_ eyes.

A million thoughts chased each other through my head as I drove aimlessly into the night.

For a long time I circled the streets, going nowhere, thinking of Masato and the incredible release of having the truth known. No longer did I have to dread that he would find out what I was. He knew. It didn't matter to him. Even though this was obviously a bad thing for him, it was amazingly liberating for me.

More than that, I thought of Masato and requited love. He couldn't love me the way I loved him - such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break his fragile body. But he felt strongly enough. Enough to subdue the instinctive fear. Enough to want to be with me. And being with him was the greatest happiness I had ever known.

For a while - as I was all alone and hurting no one else for a change - I allowed myself to feel that happiness without dwelling on the tragedy. Just to be happy that he cared for me. Just to exult in the triumph of winning his affection. Just to imagine day after day of sitting close to him, hearing his voice and earning his smiles.

I replayed that smile in my head, seeing his full lips pull up at the corners, the hint of a dimple that touched his pointed chin, the way his eyes warmed and melted... His fingers had felt so warm and soft on my hand tonight. I imagined how it would feel to touch the delicate skin that stretched over his cheekbones - silky, warm... so fragile. Silk over glass... frighteningly breakable.

I didn't see where my thoughts were leading until it was too late. As I dwelt on that devastating vulnerability, new images of his face intruded on my fantasies.

Lost in the shadows, pale with fear - yet his jaw tight and determined, his eyes fierce and full of concentration, his slim body braced to strike at the hulking forms that gathered around him, nightmares in the gloom...

"Ah," I groaned as the simmering hate that I'd all but forgotten in the joy of loving him burst again into an inferno of rage.

I was alone. Masato was, I trusted, safe inside his home; for a moment I was fiercely glad that Misaki Hijirikawa - a well-trained nurse - was his mother. That ought to mean something, provide some shelter for him.

He was safe. It would not take me so very long to avenge the insult...

No. He deserved better. I could not allow him to care for a murderer.

But... what about the others?

Masato was safe, yes. Yuki and Saki were also, surely, safe in their beds.

Yet a monster was loose in the streets of Chitose. A human monster - did that make him the humans' problem? To commit the murder I ached to commit was wrong. I knew that. But leaving him free to attack again could not be the right thing either.

The brunette hostess from the restaurant. The waitress I'd never really looked at. Both had irritated me in a trivial way, but that did not mean they deserved to be in danger.

Either one of them might be somebody's Masato.

That realization decided me.

I turned the car north, accelerating now that I had a purpose. Whenever I had a problem that was beyond me - something tangible like this - I knew where I could go for help.

Haruka was sitting on the porch, waiting for me. I pulled to a stop in front of the house rather than going around to the garage.

"Ryuya's in his study," Haruka told me before I could ask.

"Thank you," I said, tousling her hair as I passed.

 _Thank_ you _for returning my call,_ she thought a little saddened.

"Oh." I paused by the door, pulling out my phone and flipping it open. "Sorry. i didn't even check to see who it was. I was... busy."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, too. By the time I saw what was going to happen, you were on your way."

"It was close," I murmured.

 _Sorry,_ he repeated, ashamed of herself.

It was easy to be generous, knowing that Masato was fine. "Don't be. I know you can't catch everything. No one expects you to be omniscient, Haruka."

"Thanks."

"I almost asked you out to dinner tonight - did you catch that before I changed my mind?"

She grinned. "No, I missed that one, too. Wish I'd known. I would have come."

"What were you concentrating on that you missed so much?"

 _Natsuki's thinking about our anniversary._ She laughed. _He's trying not to make a decision on my gift, but I think I have a pretty good idea..._

"You're shameless."

"I just don't want him to outdo me." She pouted.

I chuckled at her response. She used her gift for some of the oddest things.

She pursed her lips, and stared up at me, a hint of accusation in her expression. _I paid better attention later. Are you going to tell them that he knows?_

I sighed. "Yes. Later."

 _I won't say anything. Do me a favor and tell Ai when I'm not around, okay?_

I flinched. "Sure."

 _Masato took it pretty well._

"Too well."

Haruka grinned at me. _Don't underestimate Masato._

I tried to block the image I didn't want to see - Masato and Haruka, discussing ideas about new compositions.

Impatient now, I sighed heavily. I wanted to be through with the next part of the evening; I wanted it over with. But I was a little worried to leave Utashinai...

"Haruka..." I began. She saw what I was planning to ask.

 _He'll be fine tonight. I'm keeping a better watch now. He sort of needs twenty-four supervision, doesn't he?_

"At least."

"Anyway, you'll be with him soon enough."

I took a deep breath. The words were beautiful to me.

"Go on - get this done so you can be where you want to be," she told me.

I nodded, and hurried up to Ryuya's room.

He was waiting for me, his eyes on the door rather than the thick book on his desk.

"I heard Haruka tell you where to find me," he said and smiled.

It was a relief to be with him, to see the empathy and deep intelligence in his eyes. Ryuya would know what to do.

"I need help."

"Anything, Tokiya," he promised.

"Did Haruka tell you what happened to Masato tonight?"

 _Almost happened,_ he amended.

"Yes, almost. I've got a dilemma, Ryuya. You see, I want... very much... to kill him." The words started to flow fast and passionate. "So much. But I know that would be wrong because it would be vengeance, not justice. All anger, no impartiality. Still, it can't be right to leave a serial killer wandering Chitose! I don't know the humans there, but I can't let someone else take Masato's place as his victim. Those other humans - someone might feel about them the way I feel about Masato. Might suffer what I would have suffered if he'd been harmed. It's not right-"

His wide, unexpected smile stopped the rush of my words cold.

 _He's very good for you, isn't he? So much compassion, so much control. I'm impressed._

"I'm not looking for compliments, Ryuya."

"Of course not. But I can't help my thoughts, can I?" He smiled again. "I'll take care of it. You can rest easy. No one else will be harmed in Masato's place."

I saw the plan in his head. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, it did not satisfy my craving for brutality, but I could see that it was the right thing.

"I'll show you where to find him," I said.

"Let's go."

He grabbed his black bag on the way. I would have preferred a more aggressive form of sedation - like a cracked skull - but I would let Ryuya do this his way.

We took my car. Haruka was still on the steps. She grinned and waved as we drove away. I saw that she had looked ahead for me; we would have no difficulties.

The trip was very short on the dark, empty road. I left off my headlights to keep from attracting attention. It made me smile to think how Masato would have reacted to _this_ pace. I'd already been driving slower than usual - to prolong my time with him - when he'd objected.

Ryuya was thinking of Masato, too.

 _I didn't foresee that he would be so good for him. That's unexpected. Perhaps this was somehow meant to be. Perhaps it serves a higher purpose. Only..._

He pictured Masato with snow cold skin and pitch-black eyes, and then flinched away from the image.

Yes. _Only._ Indeed. Because how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?

I glowered into the night, all the joy of the evening destroyed by his thoughts.

 _Tokiya deserves happiness. He's_ owed _it._ the fierceness of Ryuya's thoughts surprised me. _There must be a way._

I wished I could believe that - either one. But there was no higher purpose to what was happening to Masato. Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for Masato to have the life he deserved.

I did not linger in Chitose. I took Ryuya to where the creature named Kazuo was drowning his disappointment with his friends - two of whom had already passed out. Ryuya could see how hard it was for me to be so close - for emt o hear the monster's thoughts and see his memories, memories of Masato mixed in with less fortunate humans who no one could save now.

My breathing sped. I clenched the steering wheel.

 _Go, Tokiya,_ he told me gently. _I'll make the rest of them safe. You go back to Masato._

It was exactly the right thing to say. His name was the only distraction that could mean anything to me now.

I left him in the car and ran back to Utashinai in a straight line through the sleeping forest. It took less time than the first journey in the speeding car. It was just minutes later that I scaled the side of his house and slid his window out of my way.

I sighed silently with relief. Everything was just as it should be. Masato was safe in his bed, dreaming, his wet hair tangled like seaweed across the pillow.

But, unlike most nights, he was curled into a small ball with the covers stretched taut around his shoulders. Cold, I guessed. Before I could settle into my usual seat, he shivered in his sleep, and his lips trembled.

I thought for a brief moment, and the eased out into the hallway, exploring another part of his house for the first time.

Misaki's breathing was even. I could almost catch the edge of her dream. Something with the rush of water and patience... enjoying the peace of the water's edge it seemed.

There, at the top of the stairs, was a promising looking cabinet. I opened it hopefully, and found what I was looking for. I selected the thickest blanket from the rather large linen cabinet and took it back to his room. I would return it before he woke, and no one would be the wiser.

Holding my breath, I cautiously spread the blanket over him; he didn't react to the added weight. I returned to the rocking chair.

While I waited anxiously for him to warm up, I thought of Ryuya, wondering where he was now. I knew his plan would go smoothly - Haruka had seen that.

Thinking of my 'father' made me sigh - Ryuya gave me too much credit. I wished I was the person he thought me to be. That person, the one who deserved happiness, might hope to be worthy of this sleeping boy. How different things would be if I could be that Tokiya.

As I pondered this, a strange, uncalled image filled my head.

For one moment, the hag-faced fate I'd imagined, the one who sought Masato's destruction, was replaced by the most foolish and reckless of angels. A guardian angel - something Ryuya's version of me might have had. With a heedless smile on her lips, her sky-colored eyes full of mischief, the angel formed Masato in such a fashion that there was no way that I could possibly overlook him/ A ridiculously potent scent to demand my attention, a silent mind to enflame my curiosity, a quiet beauty to hold my eyes, a selfless soul to earn my awe. Leave out the natural sense of self-preservation - so that Masato could bear to be near me - and, finally, add a wide streak of appallingly bad luck.

With a careless laugh, the irresponsible angel propelled her fragile creation directly in my path, trusting blithely in my flawed morality to keep Masato alive.

In this vision, I was not Masato's sentence; he was my reward.

I shook my head at the fantasy of the unthinking angel. He was not much better than the harpy. I could not think well of a higher power that would behave in such a dangerous and stupid manner. At least the ugly fate I could fight against.

And I had no angel. They were reserved for the good - for people like Masato. So where was his angel through all this? Who was watching over him?

I laughed silently, startled, as I realized that, just now, I was filling that role.

A vampire angel - that was a stretch.

After about a half hour, Masato relaxed out of the tight ball. His breathing got deeper, and he started to murmur. I smiled, satisfied. It was a small thing, but at least he was sleeping more comfortably tonight because I was here.

"Tokiya," he sighed, and he smiled, too.

I shoved tragedy aside for the moment, and let myself be happy again.


End file.
